I am trying to write but i can't.

I'm trying to think
and I feel like I'm on the brink
of something.

I'm searching through my mind
trying to find the words to say,
struggling every single day.

Like a dam,
the river of my thought has been blocked,
not locked but left closed,
because I lack the strength of those
who can hold it open,

I think I've lost touch with the heart of my imagination,
and so begins my creative degeneration

As I walk through my dreams,
I witness the world end over and over
before my stricken eyes,
and all I've ever known becomes lost in oblivion
as the earth I love dies,

I cant help crying as all life is dying
and a deep plunge of fear entangles my soul,
here I stand still, dead against my will
and I've lost all total control,

This is what I feel
this is what I see,
such is what it seems,
and so,

As I walk through my dreams,
My ethereal imagination travels the universe,
scaling the vast cosmos of space,
As I approach the edge I peer beyond the ledge
and I see my one true place,

Transcending the fabric of the space time continuum
I pull on the strings of creation and existence
Altering reality as I readily see fit...
This is it.
This is the end.
All roads bend to this one place
at the center of time and space,

Oh! the magnificence!
Oh! the beauty!
Oh! the infinite energy
that flows right through me!

But I must cry,
Because as I open each eye
I see what it all means,
That I was just walking through my dreams.

I am running in darkness.
i trip and fall into a pool of water,

As i fall under
hands come up to reach for me,
they're scratching, clawing and grabbing.
pinching, gripping and hacking,

I am drowning, choking and crying for air,
i try to break free but they grab my hair,
i can barely move, my muscles are getting weaker,
they're pulling me deeper, the surface grows bleaker,

Now i know that i am going to die,
water fills my lungs whilst in fear i cry,
and just before i was dead,
my final thoughts raced through my head,

I wish someone knew that i was here,
I wish i hadn't lived in fear,
I wish someone had really known who i was,
I wish i had fallen in love because
I really don't want to die by myself,
all alone with no one else,
I wish i could have a second chance,
but i wont even get a second glance,
If only i was not filled with hate,
I might have had a different fate,
but i spent my life crying and frowning,
so here i am fading... drowning.

Her body
her mind,
surreal,
sublime,

her heart pounding presence,
life's luminescence,
her soul seizing eyes,
the essence of the skies,

if only i could touch her,
hold her in my arms,
caress her body,
revel in her charm,

her scent renders my mind senseless,
a smile that leaves my heart defenseless,
her touch tingles my every nerve,
the most beautiful voice I've ever heard,
and in one word i cannot describe
the feeling i feel so deep inside,
through my soul, through my mind,
to a universe apart,
she is,
the quintessence of my heart.

I don't know what to do.

I've been gutted for all i have
and thrown back into the waiting room
to await something
that i hope will come soon.

a chance,
an opportunity,
something with continuity,
and substance and depth
so i can take a deep breath
of fresh beautiful air,
out there, in the wonderful world.

out of the waiting room,
deaths unsettling home,
with all the other people
and all the time alone.


unable to scream or to talk,
or to run or walk,
or to be happy and smile
at least for a while,

i guess that's life,
hardship and strife,
and a few small happy times,
i just wish i knew the reasons or the rhyme.

flying like the wind but ever calm
sun warming me as I reach out my palm
a blanket of warmth like no other
similar to that of a loving mother
soaring among the oceans in the sky
a feeling that brings a tear to my eye
such beauty in silence I’ve never heard
i dare not speak a single word
a dream it would seem has come to life
as ever real as skin to knife
as present as the beat of a lifted heart
never swaying or straying too far
not afraid to fall and die
a feeling as immortal as the oceans in the sky