I doubt
material wealth
means anything
in the afterlife
on the off chance
that I'm wrong
bury me
with my books
and my plastic owl.

You still don't get it, do you?
I don't like your godly love
Or godly flowers
Or godly proposals
Or godly weddings.

*******
I don't like anything that is
godly.

Call me in the middle of the night
at 3 AM, perhaps
call me and talk to me about
your dreams and nightmares
and fears and dreams back again.
Introduce me to your demons.

I would love that.

i keep thinking about this poem in my head
i cannot remember a thing
even though i live in my head

bloodshot eyes are all i see
looking straight in the mirror, lost at sea
keep thinking i will see you again
knowing the answer is "never again"

i still don't know a thing
about this world
keep thinking everything i hear
are lies that are told,
that everyone is out to get me, like a tower of cards
left to stumble and fold.
that people only care for them selves, even though
they always told me
two people can make one's self.

if life is truly survival of the fittest
then my life is a jacket that could never really fit
i outgrew it before i was born
a shame, a shame
i am a shell of who i used to be, i am a lame on the street.
after you died, nothing can ever be the same.

the love we cherished
at fifteen, will stay with me till fifty.
god forbid, it is 2016, here i am thinking
i would never live past 2015.

i am gone, i am dead
whatever you hear from me is posthumous
being written from the troughs in Heaven's den
lost and forgotten, look around, see.
the rock of Sisyphus
weighs heavy on the walking posthumous
they are gone, they are dead, they push on.

i hear them say, rest in peace.
hope they will say the same,
when i find reprieve
at the bottom of the sea.

I don't feel here anymore.
It's as if as the seconds go by,
I'm disappearing.
Dissolving
into nothing.
And there isn't anything
I can do
to stop it.
I'm slipping
farther and
farther
away
from life,
and closer
and closer
to oblivion.

**I'm in too much pain to fight a war that isn't worth it.

There's nothing more romantic
          in my eyes
        Than holding your hand
   And talking about our lives
          Because in my mind
The only thing better than the fantasy
        Is the intimacy I feel
  When it's just you and me
            *connecting

~    
        All the poems I write
     are just the beginning
                              and end
               of every thought
   I've ever had about you.