I hope you are not frightened by the fingerprints of my past
my biggest fear is losing you to their ghosts
that my body will seem less holy after you hear of all its journeys
I’m sorry that the paths you trace aren’t uncharted territory
that his hands felt the shape of my hips before yours
I hope you understand the mistakes I made when I was feeling too much
when I learned to close my open heart
I will make everything new for you

you’ve always been in the back of my mind
lingering
as if somehow, someday we would find our way back to one another
I’d tell you how the years all ran together until you held me again
and timing wouldn’t decide our fate
and distance wouldn’t make much of a difference
right now you’re where you are and I’m not really sure where I am
but without it meaning too much you should know
I am never not thinking of you

two years since you and I am still in the habit of falling in love with the idea of people
still in the habit of giving too much and thinking too little about the consequences
I wonder if I am tragically sentenced to unrequited love
and terrible timing
and wanting to fix people who never admit to being broken
I don't miss you anymore
or him
or anyone else I used to think I couldn't breathe without
I've just only ever known to associate love with suffering
and I'm afraid of feeling the same pain with different people for the rest of my life

give me Tuesday morning's and bed sheets
skin kissed by shadows and tangled feet
give me a love that chooses me
sober confessions and forehead kisses
and maybe we were never innocent but this is romance in it's purest form
and know that you are more than everything that I settled for
love me and all of the ways I've mistaken them for you
and I will choose you every midnight and Monday and all of the inbetweens

for me it will always be you
and for you it will always be her
your smile
her eyes
your fingertips
her bedsheets
your words
her touch
and she will always come back but she will never choose you
and you will always want me but you will never let her go