And my thoughts tend to be enclosed to myself
     For only my head to place them upon a shelf
To think as I please
     And develop an idea that may or may not appease,
These people do understand how this process works
     Policies created and all that lurks
Before you and I, in a different place
     Subject to locking lips and showing face --
When it came to thinking what you believe
     You were forced to leave
'Welcome home' they would say
     'This could never feel like home' considering all the games
      they play--
Off the shelf my thoughts will roll
     My words spoken, content, without paying a toll

I never took for granted the happiness I was succumbed to from you
It was like the sun was always shining all over my skin; radiating
Without yield to the weather
My skin constantly felt as if it was covered in a warm fur
Protecting me from anything outside
I distinctly recall
‘my heart feels its skipping a beat’
‘how cliche’
There was never a hesitation for you and I to feel at home
Like your arms were the only place I was meant to be and this bed was specifically made for who
you and i
And now…
Well i feel as if my skin is made of glass
anything thrown at it I cannot protect myself
I am not capable of knowing the boundaries of feeling warm and cold
Scorching
Freezing
Never an in between
Looking behind me I wish I understood all that I had
I wish to have prepared myself better, even when I knew it was coming

like whiskey burning your throat on a cold day
******* in the frigid air for a breath
just making an attempt to breath normal
feel normal
realizing that their words were the only thing that could sting
as harsh as this
maybe even more

falling on my face seems ideal
although my head will succumb to the pain from the hit
short and painful for the time being--
but this time away from you has no telling when the pain will seep away from my bones
each and every day another breaks
from the pressure of trying to be something good enough for you

one so involved in their own thoughts
needless to say they have allowed it to circumnavigate them
around their life
nothing makes sense

im pinching at my skin
trying to grab away at all
the surface area you have traversed

pulling at my neck trying
to rip off the marks
from your warmth and comfort

biting at my own lip
in attempts to rid
them of the love you made

my heart is aching for you

fortunately my body parts
are the only piece of me
that is still physically touched
by you

they say skin tapers away
and a new layer can form
over itself

coincidentally i am hoping
to still be able to feel
you every blue moon

but where is the new layer for my heart

to cover the scars
and salvage anything that may
be left

where is the fix for that

I want you; I always want for you
When the sun is setting
     and the shadows cast
          resonate a glimpse of pleasure
               from the small sparks of light
I want you-- to experience all that is you
Open these eyes like the doctors welcoming you in,
     my arms getting ready to embrace you,
          and see you for all that you are
Success and determination
     in the rays of the sun
Streaming and rising to and from the earth
Away and coming inward
     they are still just as beautiful miles away
          as they are clasped around the appendages
               of my own hand
I want you; I always want for you