Better that every fiber crack
and fury make head,
blood drenching vivid
couch, carpet, floor
and the snake-figured almanac
vouching you are
a million green counties from here,

than to sit mute, twitching so
under prickling stars,
with stare, with curse
blackening the time
goodbyes were said, trains let go,
and I, great magnanimous fool, thus wrenched from
my one kingdom.

my mind is a kaleidoscope of you
these memories and visuals of you are woven together so tightly
it is seemingly impossible to undo--
to undo
would mean to crash my mind into an oblivion
and erasing you from this;
i don't know how much of myself i would have left,
since apart of myself has come from you--
from you
i have learned to breathe in coexistence with another being
with half of that gone my lung will collapse--
collapse
down to the floor covered in shadows and darkness
next to the closet that holds my skeletons,
including yours,
this kaleidoscope once so colorful and thriving
dark and turning
plummeting me down beneath the ground

the tone of your voice slides into my mind
     circles and sends itself out
the low drone sends my body into
     a form of relaxation
and eases the pain
     of my mental state

And what are you supposed to do when
you are in love?
It's worse than suicide
You're stuck in this hold that never ends
and you can't seem to crawl out
Your arms
They are thrashing against the water that is
filling in
And soon enough you are submerged
Everything around you in you and
surrounding your organs is them
You wonder when will it ever stop
And then you realize
That's it
Where the hell did you go?
My mind is racing through and through
My heart is filled with angst and hurt
Now what am I supposed to do?
Because my body is wasting away and it's
deteriorating into the form that I took when
I first laid with you

Seeing you hurts
It always has
At first it was more of a ...
     heart melting, eyes fluttering, body shaking
type of thing
One that you and I understood as
something to be reckoned with
Seeing you now my body becomes
gnarled in shapes that you've never seen
before
Simply so that you don't recognize the
condition I am in

Granted we resemble fish in the sea
Floating on harmoniously