This December, I look for something to warm my heart,
But even the ice on my car window hinders on melting against my pale skin.
The Lilies in my room die from the lack of light.
When I threw them from my window, they lay on the ground below,
as though acting out my destiny.
Now their deathly petals are frost bitten,
and lay a beautiful spectacle on my drive way.
How I hope I would be seen if those Lilies were me,
behind police lines.

All I wanted was what's best for you,
but I'm not what is best for you.
I want to be selfish,
I want to be yours.
Before you, I could hold myself up alone.
I was strong.
Now you're gone-
I can't hold myself up.
I can't get out of bed in the mornings.

You're hurting me and I don't like it this time.
Stop it!
It hurts the longer these words are stabbed in my throat.
"I don't love you" wrapped into a rope and twisted round my throat.
It left bruises, like you
but this time you didn't kiss me with your mouth.

Slices formed in my skin,
pouring blood, like I had pulled each heart string by strand,
and laid it on my arm.
Like the scratches I formed on your back for fun.
This violent romance was our little secret,
but when it came to romance you never told.

You loved me from behind because then you couldn't see my eyes,
only the pleasure my body gave yours.
Didn't you consider,
you cross my mind from time to time.
In fact,
I wish you would get out.
I want to sleep without you
                                                -in this bed
                                                -in this head.

Where is the time that heals?
It's the only method of medicine for the sickness in my head.
Despite the clock ticks every second,
of everyday,
and I have been awake for every-
it's hard to sleep when your minds blue and buzzing.

Numbers never end,
nor does time.
How can I know, where this time will be?
When it will come?
There is no physical form.
I am waiting for the time to heal me, yet
all this time has done is break me
from the inside out.

The moon reflects a crocked glance upon the house of God.
Pinnacle of the land,
spires are needles that point to the Lord himself.
They stab my heart straight through.

The immense door slammed shut,
she was reduced to a speck between skeletal interior.
An insignificant beating heart.

The Ghoul proved mightier than God;
corrupting the walls of his home,
it rose beyond the grace of God.
Ascend unto the highest. 
The girl, a mere human,
swallowed her courage in pain.
The war was declared between the anti-Christ and Gods creation. 

The stain glass windows rose above, and red light as was ****** over the concrete floor.
Violence erupted.
The ghoul spat flames decorating her with hot scars, 
thorns grew from above scratching little rose buds out from her skin. 
Nettles tore her throat till she was gasping for breath.

The ghoul dominant, 
****** an arm towards her.
Despite the figure she could see through,
the bones felt real. 
This figure of death, 
strung the cord of life, deformed.
Twisted into a noose and placed around her neck. 
Unable to move from this bodiless ghost,
the cord pulled tighter.
And finally,
all she felt,
was his,
kiss of death.

That was the night I took eighty pills-
consecutively.
The next morning I was late for college, and missed the train.
There was a lump in my throat from where the pills still seemed to be.
My stomach was full of pills, so I had black coffee for breakfast.
I looked at the train tracks and sought it would have been less painful to be lying there than sitting with these pills in me.

That was the day there was a solar eclipse,
and I couldn't care less.
But nor could anyone else,
about the way I felt.
Or didn't at all.

That day I sat in class and the boy I pretended to have a crush on,
heightened my anxiety.
I left the room and my teacher never did the task she had set again,
She thought it triggered my anxiety.
The boy didn't notice when I left.

That was the day my mum drove me home, an hour from college,
and I slept in the car.
It was the day my new job rang me about my first shift.

I spent the day on the sofa, thinking:
About the boy in my class;
the pills in my stomach;
If he would find out I was drawn to him;
and if anyone would find out about the pills.

A week later my friend found out, and told me to go to the hospital.
But I didn't.
The boy never found out,
because I never said a word,
and never felt a thing.

How did drugs override your love to breathe?
Narcotics have been cut loose in your brain,
it's in your blood, running through your veins.
Smoke is hard to see through, it's hard to breathe in.
Chemicals weaken your already weakening heart.

I never dreamt of *******'s love,
Speed never made my heart skip a beat,
Ecstasy did not **** me.
Blood, bones and skin,
It was a person.

I remember the first time it looked into my eyes:
Serotonin buzzed in my brain,
my heart pumped as electricity,
my throat was cotton,
I bit my lip.
It was a person.