the insecure girl
who sees the beauty
in the twinkling stars and constellations
but refuses to see
the ones in her hazel eyes

the insecure girl
who sees the beauty
in the tallest mountains
and the steepest hills
but refuses to see beauty
in her most beautiful *****
and most curvy behind

the insecure girl
who sees the beauty
in the scorching sun
and the glowing moon
but refuses to see beauty
in her warmest embrace
and her illuminating smile

the insecure girl
who sees the beauty
in everything
but refuses to see beauty
in herself

Her wrists were meant for music festival wristbands and scars
At least they weren't wounds anymore
Just memories of a girl who lived there before

Side to side; crooked
As if done carelessly
I knew her movements weren't careless
They were precise

Dancing
Boy, could she dance
Pretending her thoughts were light
Like the skirt flowing out around her

Her wrists were meant for music festival wristbands and scars
Because she knew she needed to heal

No matter how tough
I may seem
No matter how loved
I may be

No matter how much
I tried and may still
Seem to try

After this last,
This final betrayal
I cannot but give in
Give up

I give up trying
To be better
Better than I can
Be better than I am

I can give up
Trying
But will never give
Up caring

I will give up
Fabricating lies
To please, to accomodate
People I do not seem to know

I will give up
Fabricating a life
To placate, to appease
People who do not seem to care

I will start
Realising a dream
To create, to build
A person that is worthy

I will be
Trying a new way
To live, to give
A person to myself

For I am, so I learn
Everyday
Everyway
No more hiding

dear younger me,

congratulations! you made it to the end of formal schooling
you probably have tons of questions for me,
but i have a few for you
dear me, what's it like to play everyday
what's it like to play computer games
what's it like to go to the playground
dear me, what's it like to be able to handle school
to be able to actually be ahead of work
and spend most of the time not studying
dear me, what's it like to be happy everyday
to be able to smile at the smallest thing
to always love your life
dear me, what's it like
to not care about what others think
of how you look, what you say
dear me, what's it like
to not have the expectations of everyone
burden your shoulders
dear me, what's it like
to not have (almost) daily thoughts
of not wanting to be alive
dear me, what's it like
to run away from an approaching car
instead of wanting to walk in front of it
dear me, what's it like
to always sleep happily
and not have to hide your tears
when everyone's asleep
dear me, what's it like to live?
to want to live, to love being alive
dear me, please be strong
there will be days when
you don't want to live (yes, appalling)
you don't want to smile (how)
you don't want anything
please hang in there
there will be days when
there's only one thing
stopping you from ending it all
please, please be strong

sincerely,
me

I live my life in isolation
I feel the worlds devastation
I keep it all trapped inside
All my pain and anger I hide
You'll never see
the darkest Part of me
You'll see me but you won't see
The true me
I smile at the world
Even though my heart is wounded
My pain is hidden
behind my grin
You'll say its a sin
But I hold up my chin
Noone can hurt me again
There's a hole in my heart
Where everyone ripped me apart
I wouldn't know where to start
To repair a holy heart
So I will hide my pride
And slowly die
My eyes remain dry
Its too late to try
My isolation is my own devastation my soul is beyond recognition
So when you see me smile at you know that it isn't true and there's nothing you can do because there is no glue to fix the hole in my heart that humanity tore apart.