Laying in my bed
Full of disappointment
At 10:24 pm
Cause you were supposed to
Be here next to me
But instead you're out
With a bottle on your lips
And powder around your nose

I knew you'd be bad for me
But ****

And the thing was
I was falling so hard for you
I had jumped off the cliff
Hoping you would catch me
At the bottom

I wore
Your necklace of hickeys
Around my neck

But once I saw the ground
And realized you weren't there
The necklace turned into a noose
And tightened right before
I hit the ground

My last thought was
How relieved I was you caught me
Even if if wasn't in the way
I wanted

Funny how
I went from
Church every Sunday
And kissing boys
Only happened a week
After I started dating them

Strange how now
I haven't gone
To church in months
And how
Me and my best friend
Take turns
Giving the same boy
A ******* on the way home
From another party
After getting drunk
And fighting another girl together

Baby I know
I'm a sad existence
I'm a sip of cold coffee
At 9am
I'm the coupons
Stuffed in your purse
For 10% off at the hardware store
Down the block where you grew up

****** I know
That I'm a mediocre drawing
On computer paper
Made by some freshman
Who thinks they're good
At everything
I'm a car that leaks oil
And I'm a blanket
That isn't quite warm enough

Jealousy is the most
Insidious emotion
It eats you away like nothing else
Ever could

Love is every emotion out there.
It's jealous, proud, selfish.
It's kind, friendly, and forgiving.
Or unforgiving.
It's obsession
And neediness
And it's also being okay with
Loving them from a distance.

Love...it makes us fools.
Makes us do crazy things
That doesn't logistically
Benefit anyone.

It is the most confusing thing ever,
But once it hits you,
You know it is love.

And people can try to tell you differently.
That it isn't love, it needs
More respect, more kindness,
Or more desperation.

But the truth is, nobody knows
What love is.

It's just...something about them.

My most favorite thing
Is when they still have long hair
And dress like guys do now
Not super baggy pants
But not form fitting either

And you take them to bed,
Or, knowing stems,
They take you to bed.
And all that manliness
About them is still
Just barely there,
In the ***** of their shoulders
And the way their hands touch you

But then they get undressed
And it's the most beautiful
Combination
Of boy and girl.
They're so fresh and confident
But not cocky

They're respectful and talented
And it's like they try to only
Show the manly side

But then you get into bed
And it's like unwrapping
A present
That only gets better
Every time you unwrap it

A little piece of their femininity
Uncovered just for you,
In that moment only.