It used to be that the silence was not quite bearable. Now, it's the only thing that is.

I am filled with warmth when you say my name.
And I can't help a silly smile when you call me your "little one".

I get tears in my eyes when you find my eyes first.
And every time you make me laugh I want to cry tears of joy.

The most fulfilling thing however is when you hug me.
Because well, I love you big brother.

I want the kind of love that never gets old, the kind of love that ages like fine wine.

I want to tell stories over and over again and to still receive a smile and laugh from him.

I want to be trustworthy and helpful and always be the one that that will make my love proud.

I want to shed tears when that song comes on the radio and have secret, butterfly kisses.

I want unending love.

When I have kids, I will:
Love them
Heal their broken heart
Rock them to sleep
Be their rock
Never lay a hand on them
Never point fingers
Never have a favorite
Never lie to them
Never slap them with looks or hit them with words
Always make sure they are happy
Be their cheerleader
Always be positive
Tell them how much they mean to me
Never be abusive
Always make sure our relationship is okay
Make sure they can be honest with me
I want to see them smile
I don't want them to cry themselves to sleep at night or be depressed
I will let them eat as much as they want
I won't force them to do sports
I'll let them imagine they're superheroes or writers or austrinauts
I'll read them a book before bed
I make them laugh
I'll never be the cause of their anguish
I'll acknowledge them at all times
I will talk to them
I'll let them have as any friends as they want
I will let them blast music and sing during diner
I'll take them to the park
I'll hold they're hand
I'll let them dance at night
I'll always make sure I'm there for them
I will make sure they know they are loved and I will make sure they love me too.
When I have kids I'll be the mother I always needed.

-a.b.

I've been waiting for you for a
while now.
And I would have given up on
you already if I knew being
hopeful was a sin.
But I dream about you every
night and the reality of you is
ever so present at 2:54am.

Behind my eyes flickers a
constant film of black and
white.
And in my ears I hear a stream
of jazz and laughter.
And I've figured out that that I
wouldn't mind waiting a little
longer for you to arrive.

I am terrified of the beautiful
lush roses that bloom by my
doorstep.

I am terrified of the shade of
green the grass turns at
twilight.

I am terrified by shades of the
sunrise and the meaning of a
sunset.

I am terrified by the laugh of a
child and the love of it's mother.

I am terrified of hearing the
most beautiful song and
knowing the feeling it holds.

I am terrified of you.


-a.b.

I've seen pain, so much pain.

I've seen him stagger out of a bar
and have absolutely nothing in his eyes.

I've seen her run down the streets in
6 inch heels, screaming with fear.

I've seen the little girl squeeze her eyes
shut when she hears her mom and dad
curse each other.

I've seen the old man worn down by
battle scars with nothing to cover
himself but a painstakingly worn down jacket.

But mostly I've seen this whole world
slowly then quickly diminish from
all the negativity and hurt that surrounds it.

And it's inevitable that I will be responsible.

Hug me and look me in the eyes, because if you do you'll see how your touch warms me.
You'll see the broken pieces of my mind mend and come back together.
And hopefully when you hold me the silence won't too painful and the space between will be filled with something more than partial togetherness.

There are nights
When all I want
Is what I most desire.

Is it okay to spend
Countless evenings
Thinking
Wishing
Planning
Needing
To make people
Feel
Something?

But most of all
I now realize
The world could do
Without my hopeless
Romanticism
Inspiration
Words
Meaningless nothing's.

Is it okay
That I now realize
All this
Has been
In vain?

All I want is
To make myself feel
So much.

I just need to fill this space.

-a.b.

Now companionship was always meant for all,
But only a pair made through the fall.
They started civil war against each other's demons.
And together figured out restoration is in all four seasons.

That will be you and I dear old friend of mine.
Together with sword and shield, mighty knights we will feel.
And if ever comes a day when it seems all will end,
We'll go back to Eden and read it again.

Describe beauty to me.
Because it is some thing to be beautiful and another to have an object with sparing "0"'s attached to it.