A stranger who doesn’t fit anywhere on Earth
Something about her skin
Too dark to be white
Not dark enough to be her heritage.

A girl whose skin is too light
Her hair not black enough
A girl wearing American clothes
Living the American way.

Little mixed girl
Who doesn’t even speak the language
Of her grandfather

Fake little mixed girl
Who talks about being Indian
To actually feel connected
To her culture

Yet, she knows it’s a lie
She doesn’t celebrate Diwali.
She doesn’t know traditions

Little mixed girl
Who isn’t ethnic enough
To get offended over slurs

Fake little mixed girl
Who knows her ancestors
Look down upon her
Whitewashed self
And feel nothing but shame.

Fake little mixed girl
Pretending to be something she’s not.

Friends go to church on Sundays and girl sleeps in.
Friends wear tiny little crosses on their necks and she wears nothing.
Friends believe in a divine, arbitrary, God and she believes in nothing.

“She is more of a scientific girl,” she says.
“God created the universe,” they say.
“The Big Bang created the universe.”
“Well, why did the Big Bang happen?” They ask.
“Scientists do not know but it is not because of a God,” she says.

Yes, she turns to science and friends turn to their tiny pretty cross necklaces.
She likes science because science is reliable. science is consistent, does not forget, does not lie, does not exile you for making one mistake.

Maybe that is why she does not believe.
Not because she thinks herself above them.

But because she is afraid.

“Do not fall for tricks of the devil,” they say but she has fallen for the snake's lies many of times and relished in it every. single. instance.

She is Eve and has taken from the poison tree again and again.
That is why she is afraid.
Because if Heaven is real then she would go to Hell.

“God is all forgiving,” they say.

Lies, Adam and Eve ended up lying in a pile of broken promises and death at the end, didn’t they?

If God was so forgiving, would he forgive her for having more sins than she does hairs on her head?
If God was so forgiving would he forgive her for losing faith?
If God was so loving then why would he curse her with this fate?

If God believed in love, why doesn’t he love her? Why does he not love me?

It’s said that the human body replaces itself
With entirely new cells every seven years.

In seven years, I will be free from your touch.

In seven years your fingerprints will
No longer be burned into my skin.
In seven years I will be able to
Wash my body and finally feel clean.

In seven years I will be able to kiss
Without getting sick in a cold toilet,
Sobbing sobbing sobbing,
Because my tongue tastes of you.

In seven years, maybe I won’t
Lock my bedroom doors,
Fearing a monster that lives
Not under the bed.

In seven years, one more woman
Will pretend to feel free.