My heart has never before been so torn.

You.
I've never thought of you as more than a friend,
until now.
You'd make a great boyfriend and husband.
We fit so well as friends,
but as more than friends?
College awaits you,
while I stay behind.
I'll see you soon, I said.
But will I?

And you.
From the moment I met you,
I knew I liked you.
Your dazzling eyes and kind smile.
You warm my heart.
I love the thought of you.
But I know it could never work.
I'm leaving soon and all the memories we've made,
will be lost.
But every time I look at that picture,
my heart fills with hope.

In time, all will be clear.
But patience, my dear;
is just my souvenir.

Lately I feel like the whole world is against me.
Family not understanding my pain.
Getting into fights with friends.

I just want to be "normal" again,
but I haven't been "normal" for a while.

I feel like no one understands me,
even though I know some people do.
I feel like no one loves me,
even though they tell me constantly that they do.

A simple "sorry" or "I love you" doesn't fix everything.
Words hurt more than battle wounds.
No words spoken at all sometimes hurt even more.

So many sad faces.
Sore eyes and broken smiles.

It seems the older you get,
the more your eyes become dim.
The more your smile sags.
The more your eyes ache to close.

Why can't we all just take a moment?
A moment to look around
and enjoy this world we've been given.

There's a lot of pain in this world.
But there's so much joy as well.

A child's laugh.
Feeling the flowers.
Staring at the stars.
Falling in love.
Dancing in solitude like a maniac.
Laughing at yourself.

So much joy,
but we focus on the pain.

So many sore eyes and broken smiles
on seemingly happy faces.

I look at that girl,
the one in the mirror.
Is that really me?

That girl with the sore eyes.
The one with a broken smile.
What happened to her?

Then I remember all the pain.
All the nights she cried herself to sleep.
All the nights she couldn't even close her eyes.
All those days spent looking at a screen,
envying the girls that were living.

She longed for that,
for a connection.
But she feared vulnerability and honesty.

So she stayed cooped in her tower of her making.
Spending her days in deep sorrow.
Is this how to live?

Those summer nights,
spent by the sea.
Wrapped in your arms.
The world spinning out of control,
while we just stood still.
Holding on to each other,
like nothing else in the universe mattered.

Sad music playing.
The smell of magic and a bit of salt in the air.
Watching the sea meet the sand.
Gazing into your eyes
and at all of the stars,
they almost look the same.

These are the summer nights I wish I had.
Instead, I'm left with a broken smile.
Sitting on my bed at 1 am crying my heart out.
These feelings will fade,
but for right now;
they sting so much.