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I closed my eyes today
The wind was blowing
And the sun was bright as ever
Your favorite type of day
And in that moment I thought of you again
Could you feel the warmth of life
Did you decide to live?
Are your eyes closed
Arms out stretched
Palms to the gods
Can you feel what its like to live
Without me
Without you
Today was a good day
Without you
 Apr 2015 Linda Duncan
ARI
..300, 4..
I don't want to count
The calories anymore.

-ARI
If I drew myself
If I drew a self-portrait
I’d use watercolor pencils
They’re easier to work with
And it’s just as easy to blend
They give more defined lines
A great choice I would think
I’d begin with an outline
Drawn in a mistaken
Grey or oops blue
Working my way bottom to
Top and right to left to maximize the unwanted
Smudges that will later become the mistakes which weren’t my own
I would move onto my face.  Switching to a false green color to start on
My eyes. Coloring the right iris, heavy handed the tip breaks. I sharpen it
Color in more as it goes from fake green to saddened black I stab through
The canvas bringing in some light from behind. Moving onto the left now
I go from green to useless brown. I’d dip the tip in water and just let the
Pencil sit, stuck to the canvas the color drips down the cheek pooling at
The jawline before stopping as if not wanting to let go. Snap goes the lead
Throwing away the pencil so it doesn’t bleed onto the other colors I move
Onto the lips this time. I’d go with pale promise to compliment the right eye
I would add hints of passive anger red and narcissism orange as highlights
For the skin I’d color it in disappointment, several shades, to show definition
I would then take a brush and dip it in water. I’d blend all the colors so it looks
Natural. Blending disappointment with anger, narcissism with uselessness
Fake with disappointment and the mistakes with everything that they touch
Once the painting dries I’d look onto the creation with the same look that a
Famous painter would give their child when they're told their painting *****
I would reluctantly sign my name, take a step back, and crumble the painting
Into a ball and throw it away saying to myself “I know you can do better”
Shells wash up on shallow shores
Sure and unashamed

Ancient treasures shed by shadows
The ocean ricochets

Patiently musicians wish
To share imaginations

Champagne fish and visions of the
Starfish constellations

They shout their cache of consciousness
Shivering vibrations

Sugaring the fishermen
With ocean incantations
Some days my heart feels better
Than it did the day before
But some days I still want you
And it's yesterday once more
I go out to join the laughter
But it's still a lonesome sound
When the smile's almost beginning
That old tear comes rolling down

I'M SOMEWHERE BETWEEN A TEARDROP AND A SMILE
GETTING OVER YOU WILL TAKE A WHILE
SEEMS MY HEART IS SLOWLY HEALING
BUT THEN I GET THAT OLD TIME FEELING
I'M SOMEWHERE BETWEEN A TEARDROP AND A SMILE

Tomorrow's overdue for me
But my yesterday dies slow
It wasn't easy finding you
It's harder letting go
Someday I hope I make it
But you're hard to leave behind
Just when a pretty girl comes by
You walk across my mind

CHORUS

BRIDGE:  At a party I'll feel good times on the way
                  Then my heart is touched by some old song they play...

CHORUS
There is no haunted house scarier than the place I speak of.
No creepy woods late at night compares.
The scariest place a human can be, a place no one is safe from.
To be alone with your thoughts can be the most devastating place anyone could be.
You are trapped with only thoughts and feelings and nothing can save you but yourself.
Some people are easily able to evade the thoughts and move on to other things, but some of us aren't that lucky.
For those of us who are trapped inside the tunnels of our minds we constantly are interrupted by overwhelming thoughts and nothing can stop them.
It's easy for people on the outside to think we can just turn off these bad thoughts but for us trapped there is no escaping this horrifying place. It's a constant battle of worry and misconceived ideas that we aren't good enough, that everything we do isn't enough for someone.
But never give up the internal battle with the demons that hide in your tunnel. You are good enough.
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