What kind of heritage do I have?
Worthless, I'm afraid.
I never wanted to pass that on
To my kids.
I want to be someone
They can be proud of.
But I'm just someone
They can be ashamed of;
Someone who's let themselves go.
Someone,
Who doesn't even like them self.
I've forgotten all the good things I knew.
I've become weak.
I can see the downward spiral of my life,
But I don't know how to stop it.
Is there a destiny?
Do we really have a choice?
Sometime, I think hell is inevitable,
I'll never come close to perfect.

I looked at myself in the mirror
Not myself, but a stranger to me,
And upon a closer inspection
I saw what others must see.
In a second I saw both youth and age
Beauty and beauty skin deep;
And I stared at the stranger in me
And suddenly I wanted to weep.
I went through life with blinders on
I saw what I wanted to see;
But for one moment, one second in time
I saw for once, the real me.
And as I look back I'm sorry to say
If the truth of the matter be known;
I might take back that second in time
When I saw without blinders on.

Lord help me find the hope that eludes me
And the faith that waivers still;
But most of all God place me
In your pure and perfect will.
I've learned that praying selfishly
Even getting what I want;
Somewhere down the road
I pay a higher cost.
If listening to my prayers Lord
You find the selfish and unwise;
Then to be just say no and help me Lord
To open up my eyes.
Help me Lord to pray for others
Instead of for myself;
Help me learn to be of service Lord
To those in need of help.
Help me Lord be better
In everything I do;
I want to be more Christlike
Lord I want to be like you.

I walk through the beautiful countryside
I feel the refreshing breeze:
I give God all the glory and honor
As I praise Him on bended knees

I follow the paths that man’s created
Until at some point I see;
There’s more to this world then what meets the eye.
The cross has shown that to me.

I look at the rocks and boulders
And I see how strong they are,
But I stand on a solid foundations
That is so much stronger by far.

Though at times I’m engulfed by the shadows
And it grows darker each minute by sight;
I know I’m not afraid of the shadows
For I know they are cast by the light.

As I walk each path reminds me Lord
To look with spiritual eyes;
Let me show your love and at upon
The needs I realize.

Keep my thoughts upon you Lord
To be encouraging in all I do;
Help me walk humbly to live a righteous life
And to be an example for you.
© 4/25/2015

When the son said "Father
What must I do'
I'll do it no matter the cost."
The Father replied,
"There's only one thing to do
You must follow the road to the cross."

Mocked and scorned and beaten
He gave his life
For the lost;
He did not wish to go
But he followed the road to the cross.

The way to the cross isn't easy
It's narrow and it's straight;
But it's a road that must be taken
If we're to enter Heaven's gate.

Twin peaks of pleasure
Pointed toward an aching touch,
plead satisfaction.
An involuntary spasm
And I open myself;
Eager for the approaching journey.

Sometimes I see a world of wonder
Sometimes I wonder about what I see;
There’s so very much that I don’t know
Life is such a mystery.
What lies beneath the oceans depths
Or hidden caverns in the earth;
What genetics have been mutated
What new species have given birth?
Does anything live in earth’s molten core
Or thrive in the arctic ice;
I guess knowing in the after life
Is all that will suffice.
God’s such an awesome artisan
To have created such a place;
This world is so amazing,
I want to tell Him face to face.
© 9/26/2013

I look at the beautiful countryside
I feel the refreshing breeze;
It's like feeling God's presence
Whispering through the trees.

It's amazing to think such a tiny seed
Could grow to be so tall;
But miracles tend to happen
When God's in charge of it all.

How can you look at a sunset
Without knowing He is real;
You can feel His presence
If for a moment you just stand still.
The beautiful brooks and rivers
Flow freely through this land;Everything is beautiful
When created by God's hand.

Fear of Water

Reflections from the setting sun
Glisten and dance upon the water.
A cool breeze comes and goes
Capturing the soft smell of saltwater.
The sun, a blazing ball of orange
Is halfway sunk into the water.
Standing upon the small deck,
I look out at the breathtaking view.
But, all I can think about is the murky water
And whether or not I might spring a leak

Shrouded in darkness
The demons lie,
Waiting to terrorize
The innocent soul.
Twisting and turning
The touches of truth
Into something
The heart does not know.
And, in the darkness where demons dwell
And fear feeds the flower of deceit,
Only the hunger that you feed the most
In the end will be what you believe.
By: Linda Duncan

On rare occasions,
I'll walk down the street
And see some magnificent body
Filling out a pair of Levi's;
And my breath catches for a moment.

On rare occasions,
Some total stranger
With a brilliant smile
Will wink at me;
And I feel a flutter inside.

On rare occasions,
A **** voice
Will reach out through the airwaves
And pull me into a four minute affair.

On rare occasions,
The ****** words
Of an enticing poem
May shake me to the very core
And I find myself
Lost in a passionate fantasy.

Illicit thoughts
Will occasionally creep into my soul
And I look to my left hand
As a simple reminder;
On those rare occasions.

An awesome comradery
A sisterhood for sure;
A genuine feeling of getting along
A love of God so pure.

An excitement of sharing the classes
Of learning more about the Lord;
How to handle life better
A class we can all afford.

Encouraging one another
Sharing the love of Christ;
Building a good foundation
For living a daily life.
© 9/23/2013

Dear Lord,
Help our ministry flourish.
Help us to study and to learn.
Help us
Lay aside these early needs
And pray for your concern.
Help us always to be humble
Keep pride away from our goals,
Let us strive to do your will
And leave you in control.
Let us look past circumstances
And know that faith will lead us through,
Let us interceded along the way
For those that need us too.
Help us not to look back except to see
Just where you've brought from;
Let our lives be a testimony
As to just how far we've come.

Let me dear Lord
With each step I take;
Look to you
For the choice I make.
Whether the sky
Is blue or gray;
Let me speak with encouragment
Of all I say.
Let me always look up
To each soul I greet;
I was so wretched
When first we did meet.
Let jealousy and envy
Be a part of my past;
And let self control
Be a trait that lasts.
Let love always be
My driving force;
And through your word teach others
To find the others.

The wind is blowing something fierce
I hear it’s deafening cry;
As if in pain it stopped
To mourn and ask us why.
We’re cutting down the forrest
At such an alarming rate;
The lands that once were large and vast
Have begun to dissipate.
The floods are raging wild
With no trees to stop their flow;
With all the mistakes
That we have made
You should think we’d know.

Throbbing, pounding,
Growing in intensity.
Every sound magnified
A hundred fold.
Even the slightest ray of light
Is a stabbing pain.
I do my best
Trying not to concentrate
On the pulsating pain;
But it’s so concentrated.
On bended knees I rock
With my head cradled in my hands,
Hoping to ease the torture.
Nauseous and aching,
I cry through the pain
Cursing this body
That suffers migraines.
By: Linda Duncan
© 4/27/2000

I will overcome, I will survive
This illness trying to destroy my life.
Despite the hurt, despite the pain
I will not let it drive me insane.
God didn't promise no suffering
We'll all have some;
But if we walk by faith
We can overcome.
Through faith
All things are possible
We only have to believe;
And reach out
With open hands
Expecting to receive.

I stand on top of my world
In my comfortable clothes
And my padded shoes
A nice jacket to keep me warm
And shades to cover my eyes,
And I watch the world.
I see him struggling to pay the bills
And feed his family
And I admire him.
She's so terrified
She's pregnant and alone
But she's determined to keep that baby.
I envy that strength.
They have a dream
And they put all their energy
Into accomplishing it.
They won't consider failure.
I long for that mind set.
That heart-breaking child
With no hair from the chemo
Laughs
And encourages others to live.
I stare in wonder
With my nice comfortable life
That I seldom take part in,
And I wonder at the hand of God.
Maybe
He's calling that child
Because he deserves a promised land

Endless waves
Of fear and doubt
A thousand what ifs
Tossed about.
Old regrets
Still seeping in
Wondering if
There's a way to win.
An ocean filled
With stepping stones
Each one named
Each trial honed.
Some will sink
And some will rise
Fill with joy
Or desperate cries.
If only one stone remains
Then I can cope;
So long as that one
That rose is called hope.

When I look into myself
I try to find perfection;
Knowing the impossibility of it.

And, I wonder why my first instinct
Is to want to feel better than someone else,
When, in fact, I’m on the lowest scale of humanity.

What I would like to see inside myself
Is someone who doesn’t judge or complain;
Just someone grateful instead of someone who grumbles.

I look at people, imperfect, damaged
Who never complain, but are always thankful for life;
And I, with no seemingly damaged or missing parts
Look toward them with envy.
Children, with frail bodies, weak hearts, and no hair;
With every reason and right to complain -
Only smile and laugh, even knowing their time is limited.
And I sit here thinking I have the right to feel bad.
By: Linda Duncan
© 6/15/2000

You are saying I choose to let them hurt me
And mayhap you are right.
If I choose every action
And every reaction
Then I condone myself
No matter what I choose.
Am at fault
Even their reaction
Is partly mine to blame;
For it was my action that created their reaction,
So why do I suddenly feel doomed
In every choice I make.

It’s difficult to be in a job
That floats you from place to place
While you might enjoy the diversity
It’s hard to remember each new friends face
You finally settle in
Find a place that feels like home
Learn the names of all your co-workers
Begin to feel like you belong,
Then that small mat of security
Gets yanked beneath your feet;
Sorry son, we’re transferring you.
You leave in two more weeks.
Then once again you’re left in limbo
Filled with worry and distrust;
No one close that you can talk to
Part of the job, do what you must.
I know you wonder as you’re packing
Will you ever find a place to stay;
For that family you desire
Those children you want to raise.
And I can’t look into a crystal ball
And say you’ll find your dreams.
I can only encourage you to hope
and work toward that belief.
They say God works in mysterious ways
Sometimes I think that’s true;
Maybe she’s not in this town,
The one God has for you.
So maybe that’s why God keeps floating you
So you can have that special wish.
So remember when you’re struggling
To find where you belong;
All you have endured
Has only made you strong.
Remember when your days are stretched
To the edged of the twilight zone;
Call upon the friends you’ve left behind
Because you are no longer alone
     © 8/6/2003

Every legend begins with a truth
I've often heard it said
And it makes me start to wonder
About all the things I've  read.
Did Merlin really exist?
Does magic live out there
And if it does
I wonder where.
Atlantians may have acclimated
In the ocean depths where they abide.
They've learned to live and breathe
In the waters where they reside.
Maybe there's a whole new civilization
Down on the ocean floor
Where Neptune ad all the mermaids live,
Those fantasies we adore.
Every eye-drawing man I see
I'm beginning to speculate
Could it his werewolf blood
That doubles my heart rate?
That **** specimen of magnificent man
Does he change when day becomes night?
Does he thrive on the feels of adrenalin
Or how easy he can cause fright.
Does he run in a pack when the moon is full
Does he lure women to his bed
What determines our strength of will?
That tiny human thread.
In the dark of night across the crowd
His eyes lock onto me;
And though I long to pull away
He's all that I can see.
I see the tiny point of fangs
As he leads us to solitude
And I feel the rush of adrenalin
As sure as I feel the doom.
****** awake by the vivid dreams
The memories begin to flood,
But reality quickly opens my eyes
When I see the drops of blood.
There are predators out there in the streets
Not all the human kind,
And fear of what we don't understand
Encourages us to be blind.
Those things that terrify us
The predator in the night;
We are so foolish to assume
They're not there in the light.

Wondering lost
Through realms of time
Feels like I'm running
Or trying to hide.
Why can't I stop?
Stability's unsure,
Can't find my footing
Or get my foot in the door.
Where's my niche?
Where do I belong?
What's the right path?
What am I doing wrong?
Maybe I just need
To stop and breathe,
To know I belong
And try to believe.
Not everyone finds their place
Right away
Why it takes some longer
No one can say.
But those that take longer
I'm come to observe,
Have a better foundation
And a stronger nerve.
Maybe that'll be
The case for me,
When I find that place
I'm meant to be.

Down the dim and darkening tunnels
through the mazes of my life
While my soul deals with the trials
and my flesh deals with the strife
I still can see the burning
of salvations shining light.

While my heart has mourned with losses
and my tears have overflown
And my world has tossed and tumbled
from everything I once had known
Though circumstances said defeat,
through strength, my faith has grown.

I've learned to look past what is there
to what it might become
I've learned though strikes may be against me
that is not the total sum.
I must do my best to measure
up on the day my Lord will come.

As I lay upon a bed of death
it's claws gripped to my soul
I must confess a part of me
just wanted to let go
But a quieter voice said,
"there is more to do you know."

Who stands upon deaths' doorstep
and doesn't stop to wander back
To look upon the deeds they've done
or upon the things they lack.

Lost and alone
No way to cope
Trying to survive
In a world without hope
Then I found God.

Things are hard
Each and every day through
At times I wondered
Just what to do
But things were better with God.

No food to eat
But God did provide;
Arrived home to find groceries
On the porch outside.
Yes things were better with God.

Not enough but still
The bills were due;
An unexpected raise
God saw me through.
Things were better with God

God's blessings so numerous
I forgot to pray;
And I found myself
Drifting away,
I forgot - things are better with God.

Days became harder
Blessings were few;
Didn't realize I had wondered
Away from you.
Should've remembered things are better with God.

Life seemed much better
From an outside look;
But no one saw
The foundations that shook.
Things hold together better with God,

Out of practice
Forgetting to pray;
Lost and stumbling
Along the way.
Yes, things were better with God.

Once again, I find myself
In a world without hope;
But remembering, I know
There's a way to cope.
Things are better with God.

I can feel the breath of God
Through the trees
As they bow to him in reverence.
Nature sings praises unto him.
I can hear it in every blue bird and
and whippoorwill.
The wind blows and the trees
Become instruments in the background.
It is spring and they sing from the joy of it,
And though my heart is burned
The voice of their magnificence
Has lightened my load

After reading a few of your comments
I felt bad,
Like I didn't measure up somehow.
I started wondering
What you didn't like;
Like I needed your approval.

But it got me Thinking;
And poetry, after all
Is an expression of one's self,
And it doesn't matter
If -
My poetry reached out
and touched your heart
or bit you on the ****;
You read,
You responded
Point is - it made you think
And for moment,
I forgot that was what it was suppose to do.
Pardon the self indulgent pity!!
Thanks for reading and responding

Transcending into the euphoric dream
I find myself hesitating,
Somehow knowing
This can't be real

And, given the choice

Of ascending into the everyday truth
Of injustice, hatred, death,
And my sinkful of ***** dishes;
I find myself transcending into the euphoric dream.

Give me the unction Lord
To be ready when you call
Fully clothed in your armor
Prepared, lest I should fall.
Let our gifts and your talents be nutured
And used at your command,
Filled with pride at being your child
Never afraid or ashamed to stand.
When I see others around me
Let me seek to fulfill their need
Let your spirit and your word
Be the food on which I feed
And when this life is over
May you find my life worthwhile
And with open arms proclaim to me
Thy good and faithful child.

Love is hell and hell is war
And nowadays I just can't keep score.
Broken hearts, shattered lives
The one with the inner strength survives.
You give it your all, you throw in your heart
And sooner or later it's torn apart.
Which can I trust, which ones are true?
I don't know anymore after what I've been through.
I know there are others who've suffered more pain
At the hands of those with something to gain;
But right now that doesn't help me much
So I've developed myself a mental crutch,
A fortress no one can penetrate
Built so high with a wall full of hate.
Check your emotions, don't let them show
Don't ever let a relationship grow.
Love is hell and hell is war
And I just don't think I care anymore.

We struggle with the hopes and dread
Weaving choices through destiny's thread.
Knowing where we want to go;
Choosing decisions that might not make it so.
Sometimes we forget
To cultivate dreams
Missed opportunities
Can rip out the seams.
We seem to expect happiness
To fall in our hands;
But we have to capture it
Like an hourglass and sand.
We need to search for what's good
More than what's bad;
Look for the joy
And tone out the sad.
Find our own way to fix
What we deem is wrong;
Find our own niche
To where we belong.

Some morning I awake
To find myself tittering on the precipice.
Hair-thin strands of faith
Keep me dangling.
In times of strength
I can almost weave them
Into durability;
But I find then snapping
Like a guitar string
I wonder between sanity and psychosis
And though I fear the abyss
This uncertainty
Finds me longing to cut the strings.
How much longer can I endure?
This mind that I remember to be strong
Somehow isn't
And knowing that
Almost frightens me more
Than the dark uncertainty.
When
Did death began to look
Like salvation?

Uphill struggles on the road
That lead me near to you;
Panicked times when doubt seeps in
Dear Lord what should I do.
Put on the armor you have said
And after doing all stand still.
Renew your strength and wait on me
Just rest, this is my will.
These fleshly thoughts are tempted
To fix everything myself;
Forgetting I can never win,
Unless I have your help.
Sometimes it’s hard to fight
That need to push ahead
To just be still, stop pushing
And wait on you instead.
Lord give me the wisdom
To pull back if needed,
The strength to push ahead
Or the faith to just stand still and wait
The way your word has said.

Undeserved favor
Amazing Grace
A gift from God to those of us
Forgiveness for wrongs,
A chance to make things right
An almighty protector
On our side of the fight.
A love never ending
A hope that flies;
Unending mercy
In our father's eyes.
A life eternal
In a heavenly place;
Thank God for His
Amazing Grace.

If there's a chance I can change a situation
Honor bound I am to try;
But if it's already in the past
I have to let it lie.

God guide this day
With your blessing and grace;
Judge not with justice
But put mercy in its place.
Look not to the doings
But to the intent of the deed;
Let our thought be guided
By your planted seed.
When confusion sets in
Lord send us your peace
The one that passeth understanding
And sends comfort through grief.
When worthlessness and depression
Come knocking at my door;
Lord double the reinforcements
That weren't there before.
When the voices sy that no oe loves you
Help me remember that's not true;
When all the world had turned against e,
Let me know there's trust in you.
When my prayers feel like no one's coming
And I cannot hear your voice;
Let me see past circumstances
Let having faith always be my choice.

I wish you the chance
To fulfill your dream
Apart from me
So it would see.
I am so very
Proud of you
Of the man you are
And all you will do.
A child of God
I raised you to be
He's always there
Don't forget to see.
No matter how you struggle
There is always hope;
With God there is always
A way to cope.
May He give you strength
When the day is long
And courage enough
To see you home.
Wish I could remember
All the words you wrote
For they lift me up
And give me hope.
I raised a man
Of integrity and strength;
Who pushes through
Even when he's weak.
When you're on your own
I know you'll flourish and grow;
And when nothing's happening
I still want to know.
I pray God's goodness clings
Like a shadow to you;
And that He keeps you safe
In whatever you may do.
May He send you encouragement
Every day
And laughter and joy
To lighten your way.
Never forget
That you are loved
When you're touching cloud nine
And soaring above.
Sometimes out of sight
Is out of mind;
So don't forget those of us
You've left behind
I'm so afraid when you're gone
I'll never see you again;
Or even if I do
It'll be who knows when.
You'll have laughter and pain
I won't be there to see
I'm afraid you'll thrive
And forget about me.
I know your life will be easier
Without the hassle of us;
And you'll forget to call us
Just because.
You'll have new adventures
And meet new friends
A new world of excitement
You won't want to end,
I won't ask you to stop living
Or traveling around;
Or to give up any
Of the joy you've found
Just remember to call
Every once in a while;
And know it will bring
Your mother a smile.
It'll brighten my day
Just to hear your voice;
Fill my heart with love
And a need to rejoice..
When you sleep at night
Don't forget to pray
And know I'll be praying
For God to guide your way.
God is sending you to Alaska
He prepared the way;
With room and board -
He heard a mother pray.
I dedicated you
A long time ago;
For God to protect you
Where ever you go.
So I leave you now
In the best of hands;
And know God has for you
The greatest plans.
So keep in mind
You are never alone
And you're always welcome
To come back home.
You're always be
In our hearts and prayers
As we wish you the best
And bid you farewell.

By: Linda Duncan

Feast me Lord upon your word
If I am glutton let it be here,
That I endure whatever comes
That I push through every fear.
Let me not freeze to be ensnared
Or that others might feel pain;
But react quickly to overcome
That victory would be gained.
That only in the time I slow
Would be to wait on thee,
That your reward would be much more
Then I could ever dream.
Let fear of failing never be
Cement to every step
That it would never hold me down
Or stop what I could help.
But let me grow in all my ways
What brings me near to thee;
And cast aside this flesh to be
What you would have me be.

God is my all
On Hi I can call
I know He hears my pleas,
When I'm in a stall
Or I stumble and fall
He's always there for me.
Life is mostly hard
And some days harder than most,
But I can boast
On a God who's faithful and true
And will always be there for you.
In the midst of a frown
When life has you down
And you're struggling to survive,
Though it may be rough
You're getting tough
And the point is
You're still alive.
What doesn't **** you
Makes you stronger,
It's a fact that's sad but true,
So don't wish for the battle
To go away
But for the strength
To see you through.

Heavy burdens
Tear filled nights,
Indecision
About wrongs and rights.
Separate paths
Which one to take?
Troubled
With so much at stake.
Strong in mind
I use to think;
Feeling now,
I’m on the brink.

So unreal
It’s hard to think.

Whoever said pain was all in my head
Obviously hasn’t felt any.
It’s hard to look past pain.
Dalton can say pain doesn’t hurt
All he wants on roadhouse
But this is the real world.
Pain reaches out like a bolt of lightening
To remind you it’s there.
I have learned to endure
But it doesn’t make the struggle any easier.
     © 4/15/2013

Clothed in dark
Demented souls can hide;
Made known only
By the fire in their eyes.

The pits of hell go
Where ever they go;
Always looking for
The unsuspecting soul.

Where evil lingers
Might be a door;
Beware of who
You open it for.

You said it was I who made you hurt me
And somehow I thought that it was true.
I accepted the excuses
And I took all the pain
But it took him
To convince me it was you.

He said, "Momma I can help you,"
But I always told him no;
Every time you started in,
I would make him go.

I thought I was a failure.
I was all to blame.
I mimicked your excuses
Couldn't take the shame
Of it all -
It was just another fall.

Just waxed the kitchen
Slid across the floor;
Just couldn't stop myself
From crashing with the door.

Oh, it's really nothing
Just a little black and blue -
But when he looked at me
I knew he knew.

And that small boy was more a man
Then you will ever be;
And it changed that
When he stepped in front of me.

He said, "Momma I can help you."
But I always told him no;
But he stood his ground
This time he wouldn't go.
And I cried when he tumbled to the floor,
It took that little boy
To help me walk out the door;
To say this is it!
I won't take it anymore.

And then I knew I was a failure
And I knew I was to blame;
For standing there  and taking it;
For living with the pain.
And it took that little boy to open up my eyes
And let me see;
I would never let you do to him,
The thing's you did to me.

I have a sentence of death upon me
Like every soul alive
I too will have to face it
There's no where to run and hide.
How will I take the journey
Will I overcome and learn
Will I be accepted into heaven
Or cast aside to burn?
Will the character I develop
Be good to human kind
Or will I neglect the the truth
And succumb to a reprobate mind?
I know I've good intentions
But they don't always seem to be enough.
We all are shaped and molded
By the battles that are rough.
I can only hope my sculpture
Will, in the end, be well defined
By a moral strength of character
And a productive state of mind.

Beneath the ****** cross he knelt
His life forever changed
Because of all the loss he felt
His life as rearranged
He use to live for just himself
But a mission now was his;
He had to spread the word of God
Just like the Savior did.
He now saw souls instead of lives
And each was precious to him
It was time to do more than just survive
He had to live for them.
A whole new world was waiting
And they needed to be informed
There is a Savior who can take their pain
He is Jesus Christ the Lord.
So our mission is to work for Him
And search our all the lost;
And lead then to the one
Who's already paid their cost.

I’m sure it wasn’t easy
Being a teenage mother with child;
It would have been simpler to have aborted me
And had another one after a while.
But you chose right over easy
Stood firm and held your ground;
And even when things got a little rough
You never once backed down.
You sacrificed time after time
To give me the things I needed;
To push me on ahead in lie
To make sure I succeeded.
You made time for the nagging questions
That only a child could ask
You made being a mother
Seem like a simple task.
I’m older now and wiser,
And in the years I’ve grown.
I’m settled down and married
With children of my own.
And being a mother I’ve learned
Is one of the hardest things to do;
And yet I remember throughout the years
It seemed so easy for you.
I remember you always having the time
To put my fears to rest;
Or time to put away your life
And help me on my tests.
I remember things you did without
To buy me shoes or a dress;
You never got impatient
Or treated me like a pest
And I pray that when the years are gone
And my children are grown up too;
They will think half as much of me,
As I’ve come to think of you.
I’ll never forget your sacrifice
Just to bring me into this world;
I just wanted to let you know,
Love always, from your little girl.

When you know that life and death are one
And nothing in the space divides;
You realize that you're all alone
There's no place you can run and hide.
Your faults and sins are all your own
You choose to feed which way they grow
Good or bad, what become
Inside, you hold the blame, you know.
You would not, could not dare believe
That life is all it seems to be;
Some higher purpose intertwined
Has built the hope and faith in me.
How could one see the purple haze
As sun retires to the night
Without knowing God is there
And He will aid me in this fight.

I was depressed
There is no denying it;
To the point
I dreamed of a new way to die.
For years this went on.
God says he would never put upon us
More than we could bare.
Maybe I was at my breaking point
I don't know
But I do know I needed God,
I was invited and went to a small church.
There might have been fifteen people there,
But that didn't matter
Because God was there.
I had been struggling for years
To hold onto a Christian form of life;
Not feeling God
But trying to believe He was there.
That night
He proved it to me.
He lifted the burden of depression.
Immediately gone
Were the thoughts of suicide.
All of a sudden
Life had hope.
There was no more
Crying myself to sleep,
No more hopelessness
Life wasn't a dead end road anymore.
I could see tomorrow and opportunities.
I could feel God's presence again.
I could spend time with Him
And know he heard my every word.
And I believe Smith Wiggleworth had it right:
When he said
"There is no limit to what we may become.
If we dwell and live in the Spirit."
I became whole
Free from depression
Enjoying a world of endless opportunities.

The season is hot
And it’s only the end of July.
I can feel the sweat
Dribble between the valley of my breast:
“Sure” just doesn’t give you the protection
It once did.
Greenhouse effect and all that.
So I sit here on this thick plush love seat
Lean back on my leopard print pillow
And thank God for artificial air.
    
© 7/31/2003