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I am a bodyless woman

The other bodyless women
and me
talk
We were DOA before anything begun
Our bodies, tying us down
Our bodies, the key to being unbound

It hurts so much
to see both sides
not just mine
to see him hurt at my closed gates
the frustration, pain he gets
You could have his world in your hands
the tension's heavy you could cut with a knife
But love sometimes is not enough
not enough
to defy
life's tough

And my pain, too.
Another man I'll lose.
His desire runs Deep
as deep as my anguish
The waters roar I am on I feel the tickling of love
the love below
but the wound doesn't heal so far

I got obsessed
with ***
so it got erased
The bodyless women we are
A bodyless woman I am
I've been on an exile from my own self.

The bodyless women - take my hand
Heal our minds - our body will follow
The bodyless women - being a spirit can be hurtful
Poem about vaginismus. My own perspective, of course.
Please don't say that you know what my depression feels like
Because I don't want anyone else to feel like this
I don't have the usual kind of depression where you're just sad
I have the kind that makes me feel numb to everything
I feel nothing
I don't feel sad, or mad, or angry
I feel nothing
I don't get interested in anything
I have absolutely no motivation
I don't crave food
Eating makes me feel sick
I feel absolutely nothing
I feel disconnected from everything
And I hope that no one ever feels as numb as I do
I cried today
Because I realized that I
no longer expect you
to walk through the door.

I don't look at the corner
of the back yard
expecting to see you there
working on something.

I don't plan our dinners
based on your favorite foods
or worry over when the food
hits the table.

We eat when we eat
We eat whatever
It really no longer matters
You were the picky one.

I cried today
Because I realized
something that broke my heart....
I'm used to you being gone.
Funny how it hits you.  Out of the blue, you realize you've stopped waiting and accept the fact that the one you love isn't coming home.  It doesn't mean however that you ever stop missing them.
 Aug 2017 Fritzi Melendez
mk
-
 Aug 2017 Fritzi Melendez
mk
-
this emptiness still smells of you.
remind me of what i used to love
remind me that i still do
remind me that i always will
your fingerprints
forever on my ribs
residing in the place between
hurt and comfort

remind me that you don't
remind me that i'm no longer
part of you
remind me that i never was
that you were never ready
that i was never meant for the long run

(i am terrified of living in
your memories as someone
you learned to hate
that what you choose to keep
fuels the fire of why you left)
Used, Abused, and Injured
Drink it all away until your words are slurred
Dig a blade into your skin
Until your blood starts to run thin

Shut every emotion off
When someone ask just scoff
Let every insecurity eat you alive
Until you have lost your will to survive

Overthink all little things
Until your chest hurts and stings
Black out in the shower
Pass out like a collapsing tower

Wake up weak and half dead
Where you can’t move like you’re full of lead
Wonder why no one wants you
Think about them as you turn blue

See your vision start to fade
Know your choice was just made
Leave behind the world that hates you
Its grey and white hue

Now you’re dead and there is no going back
All you see is black
Your funeral is held and people do go
People that love you start to show

Your friends from school
Your Family, people you barely knew
Because you thought you were alone
Like you just were sinking like stone

But you pushed people away
People never got you to sway
You never let them stay
Just shut them out of our day

They wanted to help you more than ever
But now they blame themselves.
When they found your body
Everyone bent over on one knee

Because they can’t breathe without you.

-CC
People Really Love you
You scream
You cry
You curse
at the wind

You let it all out
not wanting to hold it
within.

Let it all out
On Twitter;
Like a bird
in the lonely air
yet full of other
winged creatures
full of care

Like a bird
in lonely skies
you twitter;
you know,
it's either they
hear you or they
don't.

You tweet,
knowing followers
don't pay much
attention.

You tweet,
your sadness and frustrations
Wanting help
to pull you from hell.

You're lost,
just waiting to be found.
But you know
while you need that
You don't want the pity,
You don't want the reactions
You don't want the pressures
You don't want to be looked down upon
You don't want the pain

You don't want the
You don't want to
You don't want
You don't
You

You
Twitter,
not knowing
someone is watching from the distance
not knowing that person cares for you
while he, not knowing how to tell you:

I want to help you.
I can find you and I can save you.

I just don't know how to,
since you tweet like live birds
sing in the sky

Talking to you
May very well be
shooting you down.
To the friend I want to seek and save.
 Aug 2017 Fritzi Melendez
Kem-Ann
My eyes saw
How everybody
Talk about your flaws

Of how uncontrollably you fall
Beyond face, background, beyond it all

Of how open you truly are
And how others don't get you from afar

Of how hearts take you for granted
Yet act like you're all they've ever wanted

Of how you silently shutdown
And drown yourself with frown

I've Seen your battles
Within yourself and other troubles

Felt your struggle
Reason why I always try to be able

Thought you should know
That above it all,

Still have no answer
On why I should not fall.
I , your admirer from afar
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