I want to slow dance with you again
Watch the dim light mask your skin in the twilight
To feel your hazel gems as they waltz into bliss.
How ignorant one can be when all they see is you.

what if I told you
that you didn’t have to fool me
and you don’t have to convince the world
that you have it all together
and that your world is so bright behind those rose-colored shades.

I can see past the filters and through your deceit,
your world isn’t as lovely as it seems.
but still for the audience you display a false sense of happiness
a staged idea of having it all together
so busy convincing others —
perhaps you’ll never know when you’ll be content.

it’s exhausting, isn’t it?
trying to maintain appearances?
the picture you painted for me is not the one you paint for your audience.

just
be
you

I love her.
No not ******* worldly,
But softly, purely , celestially.
Obsessively?
Not necessarily, just completely,
selfishly and I'm sorry.
I love her unconditionally, some say unconventionally.
But they don't understand me.
Yes...I love her.
Most spiritually, asexually, platonically and wholly.
I love her, truly, honestly, musically and poetically...
She doesn't have to love me.

hit your child
get hit back
leave their skin red
i'll leave your skin black

keep your hands off
bodies that aren't yours
hit them again
and we're going to war

******* and your fist
it's wrong what you've done
there are no excuses
not even one

s.s

I look past my reflection in the mirror;
whale-sized thighs, and
arms too big for the oceans
rain pours down like sharp daggers
into my flesh, and I’m tired
teeth hurt, and I’m tired
heart pounding, and I’m tired
my mermaid waves leave my head like
an old porcelain doll, dying
and I’m tired
I teach my body how to stop needing,
in with the calories, and I’m tired
out with the calories, and I’m really tired
silent screams echo at the fake reflection
that stares blindly through the broken
mirrors
**** me up, I’m seeing stars tonight
bones aching, and I’m smiling
bullets to the head, and I’m smiling
painstakingly dancing through the night
till I’m void of nothing,
they say empty is beautiful, and I want
so dearly to feel beautiful
calories scattered on the floor, like the
those scattered thoughts of everything
I used to be
and everything I am now
scatterbrain, tell me how you feel
when your insides are void of
self-love
you eat hatred for breakfast
and spit self-pity into your toilet
tell me again, silly girl,
do you feel beautiful now?

You ask me why it’s so hard to forgive you;
I ask you why it’s so easy to hurt me.

When you hurt me, I cry.
If I hurt you, I cry.

I deserve the love I keep trying to give you,
Don’t you see?

You can’t reciprocate the love I keep giving to you.
Why can’t I see?

My full stomach is a message on an answering machine:
"Honey I'm just checking in to make sure you made it home safe, don't forget to call me back.."

I tell myself to eat to make it to tomorrow
(I say, it's okay, it's really not that much),
in reality I just lack self control
And I don't have a home phone line baby,
My voicemail box is full
Let's lose 10 pounds this month and
Still
Manage
To
Smile