And the stars make love to the universe.
Under my breath, I breathed a curse.
Furiously, I rubbed the rainbow off my wrist
maybe if I ignore, all of this will be just a bad dream.

Still I know, my heart beats,
my heart beats for you.
Yet you, sitting with a book in your hand,
eyes focused on the myriad of letters and sentences, the stars in that little universe, the stars in your book,
while the whole outside universe is forgotten.
You are in your own universe
and I stood on the outside of the universe, silently watching,
silent cursing because I didn't want my heart to beat for you.

I cursed because
the stars make love to the universe,
yet I'm not part of your universe.
I curse because
you are so out of my reach.
You are my star,
yet I am down on earth. I look up at the stars
I look back at my star,
and I turned away.

I let my head fall on my desk,
hiding my face, while I contort it, while I use those imaginary scalpels and tweezers to fix my flaws, while I use my invisible vacuum to **** out all these feelings and lock it deep, deep within me.
I raise my head once again,
waking up from the anesthesia,
and I turn away.
I watch the stars make love to the universe in my head.
You sit beside me, silently reading while I sit beside you,
silently cursing.

One foot over another, another after another
I could feel the coolness against my feet
Under my weight the grains compress
As I walk, following an unknown beat
A look behind caught sight of the wave
Erasing my tracks on the summer beach
Once, I left my mark on your heart
But I guess you’ve erased it when we part

I lay down on my back, breathing in the sea breeze
A heart empty, my mind drifting
Like a raft alone in the vast ocean
Drifting without an end in sight
It’s cool and calm, and I could hear the ocean speak

Like an autumn leaf falling to the ground
Reddish brown hues all around
If you didn’t look closely you wouldn’t know
Which leaf had last fallen
When I had disappeared into the crowd

I used to like falling, mindless falling into the arms of strangers
Dangling my heart for others to see, pouring my thoughts out of me
I guess the game was too easy
And now I keep the words in me

Pretty words for myself to read
A loneliness like a single fir tree
Withstanding winter alone in the falling snow
If you didn’t look closely you wouldn’t know
Where it was under the blanket of snow

I know, I know
It's just an infatuation
It's just borne of a biological need to find a partner of an opposite gender
An animalistic need to procreate

I know, I know
It's just a theory
The idea of soulmates, finding The One
A story made up by lovesick poets
Feeding childhood dreams

I know all this
At the back of my hand
Yet, deep down inside
There's a girl sitting on a cliff

Staring down at the stream leading to a river leading to the endless ocean
Waiting for that One Day
Where her breath would be stolen
Where dreams would be realized
Where nothing would make sense
And everything would be nonsense

There's a girl living in made-up fantasies
Drawing cloud castles in the air
Collecting stars in a jar as a night lamp
Listening to the voices in the breeze

When soulmates meet
When I'll be consumed by your unconditional love
When I'll meet you

A lovely dream it'll be
The day you find me

I remember
Staring at the vast ocean of stars
Praying, wishing with the last lingering thought before sleep
That my life wouldn't be so stagnant
For an adventure worthy of tales
To throw me off my guard

They say, "Be careful what you wish for in the dark."

Seeing myself in the mirror
A monster, a horror
An unknown disease lurking, hidden
A virus within forever

Wrapping my head in my arms
A self-loathe burning like a fever
A desire to pluck out my nails
Like plucking out petals from a flower

I love me, I don't love me, I don't love me
I don't ever love me

Stop breathing down my neck
Stop pawing me for answers
Stop drilling holes in my back
I can hear your whispers

I know, I know
I don't need you to tell me I'm disgusting
I could throw up just looking at myself

It's pathetic that I brought this onto myself
I used to laugh at the stars
Cursing and swearing like nothing ever matters
"When the world comes crashing down,
Use it as a blanket," I used to say.

Who knew, who knew
I'd never see
Myself the same again

Who knew, who knew,
I'd never see
The sun rise again

like a feather brushing against my cheek
as my head rests on your lap
your touch breathes life into my still heart
*am i going to fall again?

red yellow blue orange purple pastel
soaring up into the sky without a care in the world
no strings attached
nothing else in the air but clouds
and the calming, cooling, relieving sea breeze

balloons soaring up in the air
there's me among them
they take me away to a place
where nothing can touch me
where i'm free of worries

feather-light, up and up we go
at a pace smooth and slow
i close my eyes and listen to the sounds
a pianist's fingers dancing along the keys
with such grace, with such elegance

red yellow blue orange purple pastel
scattered across the cyan blue sky
with puffs of pure white clouds in the air
so soft, i imagine
as i close my eyes
as i soar into the sky

One foot over another, as I try to balance on those
White stilettos, in my white dress splashed with floral prints
Entering the ballroom filled with people
Vines wound around window sills, flowers emanating a mysterious scent
Fairy lights glow in the dim lights
And I see you.

A shy glance was all I allowed
The seat beside you was empty
Should I sit over there?
Situation and circumstances pulled me to the another table
It shouldn’t have meant anything but my heart sunk a little.

You were taking photos of the event
I was watching the performances put up
Music played in the background
Food was served on the table

Yet, was it my imagination?
From the corner of my eye I see you poised with your camera
The lens facing me
Like an arrow drawn as I hid between the trees
Were you aiming for the mystical birds behind me?
Once, twice
How many exotic birds have you taken down?

With a wave of your hand, you called out to me
An exchange of words
Jokingly, playfully, like a game
“No, seriously.” We held eye contact.
A sudden rise in temperature
Do not blush
The darkness was enveloping
Memories resurfaced, wounds reopened
This is bad
You left me in search of others

Disappointment? Was that what I felt?
Relief? As if I plunged into a well of conflicting emotions
It shouldn’t mean anything

Yet, what was that look for?
The enchanted forest is a dangerous place to explore.