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 Feb 2015 Julie Butler
Red
it's rather terrifying
   how i can be ok one minute

then write a poem about you
  and want to pull the shard of mirror
     up my arm
       deep in my flesh
         and hope that the next life we may run into each other again
don't worry people i'm ok
with depression suicidal thoughts are a given,
and i won't do anything to harm myself
Shrink me and
put me in your pocket.
Fix me a roof in your heart.
Let my ambitions dry out
to dust outside the door.
I need no such thing, I need nothing.
Long as you hold me tight,
For every single night.
And never let me go.
That will be my nourishment.
My monthly fee.
i give myself to only those
who break when i am weak
who share the thoughts i save
for them until i need to speak
and if i can be useful to the
people whom i serve
then every moment given me
i'll spend upon this earth
and even when i've nothing
but the eyes of many years
i'll find a way to take the
hand of anyone who fears
it's not about the struggles
you alone have faced today
but how you learn to love
despite the troubles on the way
what is it?
There are fireflies in the garden during the dawn
and the moon, till the day, stays
hung over shuttered windows like some
homeless
hopeless looking for love.

You turned my world onto its head
and brought me down in chains; now
bubbling the last of me in some
Chinese torture chamber of love
in a dark room of your mother's house
full of the horrors of your childhood
and your children.

You scar this skin like I can go out
wearing every verse that escaped your tongue
like a trophy fallen to dust:
gone sheen, glory and all.

Rivers are finally flowing backward
and I swear I saw pigs fly
in a sky as pink as the lips of you on your glass of venom.

Galleries of art are slipping into the street
because masterpieces were absolutely
nothing when it came to the abstracts
of brilliance and dark you could create
by the harrows of your mind.

I was no story teller and
I could never put you to sleep.
So you slip away from my bed, mind, heart and hand.

And it tastes like a broken marriage
too hot on the tongue
and too far gone to believe
it could become unmended.

Rain sometimes falls in numbers
one here, twice there.
On me
**all at once, all the time.
Hello Poetry and I, and our sudden breaking apart, and the sudden realization I now write like someone who I thought I could never become.
 Feb 2015 Julie Butler
r
home in the mirror
appearing nearer

but i'm not driving
or even trying
to turn around

i'm burning down

bridges behind me
all I can see

over my shoulder
looking for closure

the colder and closer
i get to the sea.
r ~ 2/8/15
you and I are made of something breakable and small
Reduced to what the masses say they cannot see at all
But when I let you in to me you're bigger than myself
You take up all the space I couldn't give to someone else
And down we go together - deeper faster, slower still
Remembering the moments we unraveled at our will
And all it took was one of us to make a move that day
Now look at where it's gotten us, we've fallen all the way
I still remember the day I fell for you.
Ran
i think i will survive if i can wait a little more
i'll wait until
the last of you is walking
out the
door
the hours have been good to me
the miles
make it
clear
that life can still be beautiful
without you being
                           here
it's when i press my lips to yours
that everything
returns
and opens up a world with an intensity that
burns
enough with the explosives
i don't want them
anymore
the back of you in front of me, i'll run to close the door
 Feb 2015 Julie Butler
ARI
The words
Be happy
They make me angry
For the words be happy
Do not fix me

The words
Just eat
They irritate me
For the words just eat
Wont make me hungry

-ARI
I tried to write poetry about pushing her until she couldn’t breathe
about the way her soft lips opened against me and how
she bit my neck even when I begged her to stop
I tried to find the words for all of those things but
I realized that she had written the poetry for me
she wrote it on my neck in shades of purple
and on my back in little streaks
she wrote poetry with the wrinkles in my sheets and
the knots in my hair and the
taste of her in my mouth.
Sometimes poetry isn’t always on paper
Sometimes it’s on people.
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