julianna

julianna Oct 2018

she fears without an alibi
that someone will take her away
restrain her freedom
and block the light of day
but fear without an alibi
is just fear alone
and it, without a battle
will never take you home

Anxiety, paranoia... don't give into unwarranted fear. I know *what* is feels like, but *why* do you feel that way? You're okay, I promise. Just make yourself know it.

#fear #anxiety #paranoia #stay #strong

Oct 2018

Grace Ann

My room needs cleaning but my limbs wont move

I hate my own company sometimes
My mind always running in marathons
And too still sometimes for the boredom to leave my bones
It is seeping into them
Executive dysfunction and dissociation are playing hopscotch in my brain
There is no winner here
Instead I lay in a standstill of movie- watching and trashed floors
Wondering when the energy will come back
Wondering when the motivation will return
Or if I ever had it in the first place
I've been friends with my mental so long it's hard to remember a life before them
Before they told me who I was and who I should be

Oct 2018

misha

breathtaking

stop looking
in the mirror
at your imperfections

don't look at your
acne scars
or if you don't
like your nose
or the color
of your eyes

but let's look
at that breathtaking
smile you have,
the amazing
personality you
have

and how
special you
are because
you are different
from everyone else

you are beautiful no matter what you think or what anyone else says

#hearts #soul #mind #beauty #insecure #loveyourself #love #you

julianna Oct 2018

Days of Death and Resurrection

These days are full of deaths
And resurrection.
I rapidly shift between the warm yellows
and the sallow blues.
The temperature is fading
And so is my will.
But some days make my bare bones glow
Back to the way they were,
Way before.

#death #resurrection #emotion #colors #glow #fall #autumn #winter #fading

julianna Oct 2018

dissociative

There are days
That I look in the mirror and see
An unfamiliar face
There’s a disconnect and I’m
Dissociative.
I know it’s me,
But it feels all so strange
To not feel anything at all.
There are off days
When I speak to people
And I feel nothing from their eyes
They’re just empty and I’m
Dissociative.
You want to have some emotion
But frankly,
There’s none there
Because a glass wall has arisen
Between you and the world
And that’s
Dissociative.
Like the time I was walking
And it was a movie all around me
No depth,
Just a two dimensional view
I was
Dissociative.
Or that time that I was floating
In the top right of my body
As only my concious,
Looking down on myself
Because I was
Dissociative.

It’s like someone has pulled the wire that connected you and yourself/the world. Derealization/depersonalization can be scary, but it’s my reality.

#nationalmentalhealthday

Oct 2018

bless

Untitled

you were in my dreams
then you leave me when I wake
up, why can't you stay?

#haiku

julianna Oct 2018

Fall

It’s a pit in my stomach,
Feeling nostalgic
For weather changes
And chills.
The music matches
The empathetic nausea
Inside,
But I don’t mind it
It feels kind of good.

I get very nostalgic during season changes, especially getting closer to the colder seasons. It’s a mixture between pure nervousness and nostalgia... the epitome of mixed feelings.

#fall #seasons #autumn #cold #weather #nostalgia #chills