I knew what I was doing
And I know it isn’t fair
To ask for your forgiveness
When I didn’t seem to care

The guilt is more appealing
Than the thought of you with him
But everyday it haunts me
So I’ll go out on a limb

I want to say I’m sorry
For any pain that I have caused
And your happiness is worth
So much more than what mine cost

You’re gorgeous and you’re funny
And you seem so very sweet
Yet I went behind your back
So now there’s pain fueled by deceit

You deserve so much better
Than what I’ve caused you to endure
Just know this guilt feels like a sickness
To which I don’t deserve the cure

i'd rather lose you
knowing i loved
you wholeheartedly
than have loved you
with one foot out the
door

I'm happy
That you are moving on
From the devastation
You left me in

-em vidar

Your kisses burn
like a feeling I know all to well
cigarette burns on my skin
You swore you'd love me forever
never leave me
But I knew..
You were gone as soon as
I thought you were
there
But
you left, just like he did
17 years earlier.

His "I love you" came swiftly.
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defences.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship.
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absences, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you" was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you"s became poison,
That seeped deep into my bones,
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left.

I got nothing to do about been real
So
I drink up for the night to fill the rest
The love is such insanity what I make me loving about me being insane
Right now am there the edge of having and not having everything at the same time
But my heart always in need
So am pretty sad but in the most beautiful way
Am the lonely drinker to the night
Without a cigarette between ma lips