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 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
Lexi
“I went to bed
with flowers in my hands and woke up caressing a riffle” -Amanda Frances
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
Taji
In that moment,
It was just me and you
The world ceased to exist
And left us alone
In that moment
You held me as I broke
I told you I was scared
And you told me that it was okay
In that moment
You made my admission of fear sound like a declaration of strength
And not a confession of weakness
In that moment
I loved you
The moment that I knew
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
yúyīn
and my soul got so attached to yours
I just can't be me without you
@.**
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
The Black Beast
Again without control
Again now filled with fear
Waiting for the nurse to call
"Is Michael Hibbs still here?"

Just waiting for the cannula
Just waiting for the bed
Again I fight against the
Ticking clock within my head

I wish to skip a fortnight
I wish to close my eyes
And wake up in a time where
The light of joy will rise

Just wake up when it's over
Just wake up when it's done
I wish to not know what happens
Just that I know I won

Again I stand a captive
Waiting to be free
To wake up as someone else
Is truly the wish for me
Got admitted into hospital (again) with a phobia of needles. Every morning bloods are due and the anticipation got to me.
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
The Black Beast
I was sure that she'd reject me
And that gave rise to fear
But anything that's worth a fight
Will make those nerves appear

A week passed by and day by day
My courage slowly grew
And this is where I messaged her
With a link for her to view

A sonnet, cheesy, but well planned
With a message to supply
That I believed something could work
And I thought it worth a try

An hour passed, and then a night
And then, so flew the day
I guess there's comfort knowing that
I was sure it'd go this way
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
Jeff Gaines
Colors
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
Jeff Gaines
Well when you're Green, I will be your Brown.
Like the earth that loves the flowers,
I'll will be your solid ground.

And I'll be your Azure, when you are Verdigris.
We'll be thee most beautiful ocean
that eyes have ever seen.

And when you're Black, I'll be your White.
Mixing all of the colors … I'll make everything alright.

Now when you're Blue, I'll be your Red.
If something should make you wanna cry,
I will feel your pain instead.

And I'll be your Orange, whenever you are Pink.
We'll be thee most amazing sunset,
that the sky could ever ink.

And when you're Black, I'll be your White.
I'll mix all of your colors … and make everything alright.

Should you be Violet, I will be your Beige.
Like a sleepy moonlit desert,
pastelled in dunes and Sage.

And when you're Gray, I will be your Rainbow.
We'll be thee most soothing rainstorm
the world has ever known.

And when you're Black, I'll be your White.
I'll mix all of your colors … yes, I'll make everything alright.

With love on my palette, painting a glorious sunrise …
I'll color all your mornings with a smile and brighten up your skies.
If you should find yourself in sorrow from someones hate or lies …
I'll take the stars down from the heavens … and paint them in your eyes.

So whenever you are Black, I will always be your White.
I'll mix all your colors with a promise … everything will be alright.

Yes, I'll mix all of your colors with a promise …
Everything's gonna be alright.
I was looking through some swatches of color gel samples, picking new colors for my lighting rig at Highline Ballroom. A dear, dear friend of mine called me up feeling frustrated about her life at that moment. She is a proud and brave girl. So, she didn't call just crying and whining. But as the conversation progressed, I could feel her tension ... her frustration ... even her sadness. I felt really bad for her and wished that I could make all her problems go away and help her achieve her lofty goals a little more quickly.

I did the best that I could to console her without sounding as such ... remember, she is a really proud person. I reminded her of how brave and strong I knew she was and told her that she just needed to keep pushing on and that she would see it all through eventually, it just takes time.

After we'd hung up, I was up on my roof, yelling silent profanity's and threats at the Manhattan skyline (as I often did), and I guess all the colors mixed up in my head with her call and how badly I wanted to make things good for her because she meant so much to me. I hated to think she was suffering in any way.

This poem started coming to me and I raced downstairs to drop it on my computer. When I read it over, I couldn't help but notice it was in the form of a song. The repeated verse a chorus and the last verse, a bridge. But ... I have never, ever heard a tune, melody or any kind of music for it.

Also, I had to notice the romance laced through it. That wasn't my intention, she was my dear, dear friend. So, I wasn't even sure I'd truly written it for her. With that in mind, I've never shown it to her.
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
Gray
Fingers
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
Gray
the girl had Emotion in her fingers
her head was too empty with thoughts
and her heart too drained of recognition
that she stored her feelings in her fingertips
BetTer peoPle
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
Alexandria Rose
I was drowning.
I was suffocating.
I was trapped.
After he died, I lost all hope.
I lost all strength.
I lost every care I had ever developed.
I had gained weakness.
I had gained prostration.
I had inhaled and swallowed
way too many substances to destroy my
emotional and mental pain.
For some time,
I avoided the torment.
You would have never guessed I was
suffering inside.
Then one day,
I got too high on what was supposed to
make my feelings disappear,
and I started feeling
everything at once.
I was overwhelmed,
I was controlled,
I was drowning,
I was suffocating,
I was trapped.
5 hours of endless tears,
and a shaking body.
I was gripping my sheets
in the most non-pleasurable way possible.
I was staring at his picture on my phone
the entire time as I was reaching out for him, but
could no longer feel his touch.
The toll his absence had on me
was immense.
I could no longer control
any type of feeling I possibly
could have had,
and that was my fault for trying to numb all the pain.
It was the reason he got taken away from me,
fault.
Now instead of trying to get rid of the pain
for however much amount of time
in an unhealthy way,
I try to avoid it naturally.
Even a natural, healthy way will never help stop feeling.
I have to deal with the unbearable amount of pain,
and that's just the way it is.
 Apr 2018 Jey Blu
camps
.

i want to buy these mice a home so
that their presence helps keep the table clear
i think i’ll place it in the gap between the door and the floor
in the hopes of keeping the noise out and
of having at least one of us feel
a sense of being welcome

the paper bags in my hands wouldn’t feel
heavy if they knew where they were going maybe
and hitting my head against the bed again doesn’t stop me from
showing off the letters on my chest although
i’ve been known to miss the mark

if there's a spark in her eyes it’s 'cause she stole the light from mine
but i like the cold because it makes me feel alive

my favorite part comes around
when the two trains meet and for a second
i can catch a glimpse of everyone’s place in the world
before we’re whisked away to
our respective loneliness

or maybe it’s where the streets
run narrow like those in the places where
connection, if anything, tastes a bit more genuine
it's quite polarizing but this time i’ll seek
comfort in the grey of it until it
all comes rushing back

they say home is where the heart is so this probably still isn’t it
but it will do for now

.
[new york city] | [definition of home] | [pursuit of cold]
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