Her eyes were pale, a blue crystallized moment frozen like an arctic ocean, frozen in a moment in time, and a beautiful one at that.
Her hair, a smooth red, long strands of vanilla scented silk.
Whether put up in a bun or let down, there was something about the way it framed her face.
When let down, her hair complimented her smile in a way that can only be explained as upper class charm though being an every day country girl, but while also being somewhat natural in an animalistic way.
Not in a barbaric sense, but a natural set of waves and curls that when combined with her fierce locking blue eyes seemed to grip my heart and aggressively pull it into her grasp.
A sort of fierce sexuality hidden beneath her pale complexion.
A fire like body, hair, and personality in equal measure. I, of course, found her beyond the definition of irresistible.

It was in the gray fall clouds that I met her. My hands
quivering as my nerves were shot with lightning
and out to the world around me.
My northbound hair done neat and tidy, her hands
were colder than the breeze encompassing us. It was
the start to an age eclipsing seasons. But
like all else, everything ends. The crisp leaves
and our optimistic qualities fell at equal rate. Winter
came around and stomped out all the seedlings
too undeveloped to withstand it. For all of our journey,
good and bad, went out the door. And this
cold and bleak finale consisted of screams
and shells of what once stood in it's place.
After tears evaporated, so too did all we stood for.
A monstrous, cyclical, almost-love.

Fire, in hair and in passion,
Love, not a simple reaction,
Blue, oceans and diamonds,
In your eyes, in your soul,
In each step, stays untold,
I see now, where home is,
Not my house, but your arms,
No hate, no harm,
And despite what you might see,
Your future lies with me

Slowly Sinking Smiling Stars,
You picked me up, we went to far,
You left your mark, you left your scar,
Broken, Battered, Beaten Bones,
Take my hand and whisk us home,
All break my heart then left alone,
Even Every Emotion Erases,
You locked on me with smiling faces,
Then left me too, now destined for chases

How can a teen have the weight of the world on their shoulders?
Why do we carry so much baggage?
17 years old and I have the attitude of someone who has served in two wars
My past, no matter how recent, haunts me
And as much as I want to leave it all behind, I can't,
Because it defines me
What are we but our memories?
Our highest points and our deepest regrets,
It shapes us, whether carefree
Or a young kid eager to explore and learn
Or someone plagued by regret and betrayal
Maybe someone who was rescued from the darkness by love,
Only to be thrown back into an even darker world
We all have our stories, our bags full of what makes us who we are
So how can only 17 years of this have gone by, and my bags are overflowing?

HIS:

It’s 4:05 and I am broken
It hurts, oh god it hurts, it burns,
The ground is cold, why
Why can’t it be warmer, accept me
Why can’t anybody accept me
You didn't, though I thought you did
That is why I lie here
I cry now, I’ll cry for weeks
In two months time I will bring myself to call you a *****
And then I’ll cry for two hours or so
Long after I would say the worst things about you, and the worst part?
I mean every word of it


You lied all the time, but I gave you chances over and over
What a mistake
It’s because I loved you, well I thought I did
But I know now
I did everything for you, always put you before EVERYTHING
And EVERYONE
Yes I made mistakes, but for every two small mistakes I made
You made eight big ones
But I am the bad guy eh?


Yes I’m the bad guy
I say “Please don’t lie”
“I never lie to you, why do you to me?”
“Please don’t”
“Please stop cutting yourself”
But that makes me bossy?
Since when is caring bossy?
And don’t make it sound like I told you to
I never TOLD you anything
I always just told you what I thought you SHOULD do, never made you
But lie to everybody and say that I was terrible to you,
Whatever helps you sleep at night
I know the truth, and so do you, and that’s what matters


Controlling? Oh here we go
I don’t even know where you come up with this stuff
Why did I give you so many chances?
I guess all of your sob stories fooled me, like you say you fool everyone else
Like when you fooled me, said you regretted cutting that first time, November 12th
And then months later “Honestly I enjoyed it”
So tell me, who is the one who lies? Who was the terrible one?
It took me a long time to realize, it’s what you deserve
All the bad things you talked about, all of your little problems
YOU are the problem
YOU are a bad person
And to think I thought I was the ****** up one
Thought that you were the light that guided me out of that horrible place
You led me where you lead everyone else
To ruin
That is all you will ever be
Look at me, I never could say anything bad about you when we were together
Well I was under a spell of lies after all
I didnt see
But all this time after, I see what you are
A waste of time


I take back everything nice I said about you
If only I knew how false they were
Your name will always be a synonym for failure
And liar, amongst my friends and I
For it is all you will ever be remembered for
And all you deserve to be
Goodbye, You’re nobody to me
Not anymore

Oh my love, wait no, not anymore, not ever actually,
What a funny little world we lived in

But of all the sweetness turned to sand,
This bitter shell is still what I am,
I travel back to our old places,
Pyramid hairdos and shining faces,
Etched in forearms and crying faces,
Half a decade and I will face it,
The moment so long past, I cast aside,
The fleeting feeling, far and wide that I must admit
I can not even recall your eyes.
But I still simmer in all my pride.
So if I manage to fall and die,
I'll be unlucky enough that you'll be by my side,
Because of all the ones who came and went,
Red, blonde, broken, bent,
Of all the places I have went,
Our time was time well spent.
That bitter shell and dust and sand, is all I really am.

HERS:

It’s 4:05 and I am sorry
I am so, so sorry, you have no idea
But you don’t understand, I had to do it
You made me do it
And I called my best friend and cried my eyes out after,
And I never cry, ever
But I did
I wanted you for years, all the years when you didn’t even look at me
The years when you were already gone
I still waited for you
But you changed, we both did
I know I lie but it’s just who I am
I can’t change
You kept trying to help, even after I told you not to
That’s what did it, thats why I had to
You cared too much

I had dreamed for years that you would be mine
I had you, I finally had you
We were an absolute dream for the longest time
And I put up with your cuddly affectionate personality
And I tried to match it

Over time we changed
You didn’t slow down your over caring
You kept trying to help me
I can’t be helped, how many times did I tell you?
Too many, but you refused to give up on me like everyone else has
You should have
Especially after I ruined you with what I did
November 12 2013
I don’t remember the date of course, only you would
As you write this on my behalf
I took that knife to my wrist and did what I did
Because I needed to, I needed some kind of emotional relief,
But I hid it well, not from you though
You were the only one I let past my wall
I shouldn’t have though, you became more of a parent towards the end
Always making sure I did what I was supposed to do
You had good intentions but that doesn’t matter
Call it what you want, but by caring so much
You controlled me

I’ll find a way to move on though, I always do
Even if I damage myself in the process
I told you you were wasting your time with me,
Trying to “help” me,
Or “Fix” me
Whatever you want to call it
Oh and let’s not even bring up the other thing

I will forget you soon
So will my family
They were more destroyed over this than I was,
Oh and thanks for calling them in the middle of the day
To tell them what I did that night,
“Well if I can’t protect you anymore, someone has to, or you’ll do it again”
You said, maybe I would have
But that’s none of your business
Not anymore
They didn’t believe you
I always fool them, I’ve already told you that though

Oh my love, my first love, my never again,
What a funny little world we lived in

Love will lead us out of darkness, to a brand new world we never knew,
Love will be that missing piece we thought we could never find,
Love can change a lonely monster’s fate
Love is about all the little moments,
Not the first “I love you”
But the little stares, the looks you give to each other,
To always want to help them, their problems are your problems,
Love is becoming one with each other,
Love is when you can’t get them off your mind,
And if they have the slightest look of sadness on their face, your problems don’t exist anymore,
Love is.. complicated
Love is a two person job,
You can put them above everyone and everything, but there’s a catch,
It only works if they do too,
That or you do the smart thing, keep a level head
Control your love, express it in increments, not all at once
Else the reserves will run out much quicker
So tread lightly, or this brand new world may become
A lonely monster’s much darker fate

I cry, I cry, I flail and moan,
This bitter winter is all I've known,
Trapped in a moment, trapped in a storm,
Trapped in a constant and a search for the warm,
No I will not crumble to the chatter,
Why should it matter?
For time goes on and time will tick,
Time is failing and there's the trick,
For running to parallel winds will never,
Lead to the promised or make it better,
There's snow to fall and trouble to make,
A flake to take and a snake to bait,
A time for death and a time to wait,
Now hush your doubts it is time to wake.

As I sit in a creaking chair,
And the thunder outside drowns out the screams,
Destruction surrounds my shaken dreams,
And now nothing remains of the aching pair,
They speak of Summers long gone and expired,
I sang my song and my arms are so tired,
I'll never get up although I'm inspired,
By eternal desire to rise up from this chair,
I remember, oh yes, when the nights were long,
But the frights are gone, and my home ablaze,
This chair, my brain, spent days in a daze,
But by the lights in the night, by the wind in my hair,
By your stare and with care,
I'll get out of this chair

I may never find my way back,
Little by little I whittle away,
Over time until nothing remains,
Various thoughts run through my brain,
Ever thought we would return?
Yell to the world that we shall not be broken?
Over time we will not be the same,
Until you decide to come home again,
Ever thought about who we could be again?
Running away together like we planned?
I don't even know who I am anymore,
Know that I will always love only you,
And know that without you my heart is weak.

Go on forward with your golden lined days,
Moving on via all your deep entwined ways,
Never really cared what those other guys say,
But the let the record show that the wrecker always pays