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Anthony Jul 2018
You had me at friends, but I wanted you.
You had me at gaming, but I wanted you to be player two.
You had me at metal music, but I wanted us as a group.
You see, to you, we were just friends, but to me I knew what was to become.
Now look at us falling madly in love.
To you the distance kills us, but to me I see a testament of our growth.
To you it's hard, but to me it's you that drives me to achieve what we will be.
You feel alone, as do I, but we can never say goodbye. We hold on for dear life.
Because I know that one day you'll become my loving wife.
James Piccolino Dec 2014

It’s 4:05 and I am sorry
I am so, so sorry, you have no idea
But you don’t understand, I had to do it
You made me do it
And I called my best friend and cried my eyes out after,
And I never cry, ever
But I did
I wanted you for years, all the years when you didn’t even look at me
The years when you were already gone
I still waited for you
But you changed, we both did
I know I lie but it’s just who I am
I can’t change
You kept trying to help, even after I told you not to
That’s what did it, thats why I had to
You cared too much

I had dreamed for years that you would be mine
I had you, I finally had you
We were an absolute dream for the longest time
And I put up with your cuddly affectionate personality
And I tried to match it

Over time we changed
You didn’t slow down your over caring
You kept trying to help me
I can’t be helped, how many times did I tell you?
Too many, but you refused to give up on me like everyone else has
You should have
Especially after I ruined you with what I did
November 12 2013
I don’t remember the date of course, only you would
As you write this on my behalf
I took that knife to my wrist and did what I did
Because I needed to, I needed some kind of emotional relief,
But I hid it well, not from you though
You were the only one I let past my wall
I shouldn’t have though, you became more of a parent towards the end
Always making sure I did what I was supposed to do
You had good intentions but that doesn’t matter
Call it what you want, but by caring so much
You controlled me

I’ll find a way to move on though, I always do
Even if I damage myself in the process
I told you you were wasting your time with me,
Trying to “help” me,
Or “Fix” me
Whatever you want to call it
Oh and let’s not even bring up the other thing

I will forget you soon
So will my family
They were more destroyed over this than I was,
Oh and thanks for calling them in the middle of the day
To tell them what I did that night,
“Well if I can’t protect you anymore, someone has to, or you’ll do it again”
You said, maybe I would have
But that’s none of your business
Not anymore
They didn’t believe you
I always fool them, I’ve already told you that though

Oh my love, my first love, my never again,
What a funny little world we lived in
Something I wrote a long time ago, part of my "His and Hers" pair of poems
James Piccolino Dec 2014

It’s 4:05 and I am broken
It hurts, oh god it hurts, it burns,
The ground is cold, why
Why can’t it be warmer, accept me
Why can’t anybody accept me
You didn't, though I thought you did
That is why I lie here
I cry now, I’ll cry for weeks
In two months time I will bring myself to call you a *****
And then I’ll cry for two hours or so
Long after I would say the worst things about you, and the worst part?
I mean every word of it

You lied all the time, but I gave you chances over and over
What a mistake
It’s because I loved you, well I thought I did
But I know now
I did everything for you, always put you before EVERYTHING
Yes I made mistakes, but for every two small mistakes I made
You made eight big ones
But I am the bad guy eh?

Yes I’m the bad guy
I say “Please don’t lie”
“I never lie to you, why do you to me?”
“Please don’t”
“Please stop cutting yourself”
But that makes me bossy?
Since when is caring bossy?
And don’t make it sound like I told you to
I never TOLD you anything
I always just told you what I thought you SHOULD do, never made you
But lie to everybody and say that I was terrible to you,
Whatever helps you sleep at night
I know the truth, and so do you, and that’s what matters

Controlling? Oh here we go
I don’t even know where you come up with this stuff
Why did I give you so many chances?
I guess all of your sob stories fooled me, like you say you fool everyone else
Like when you fooled me, said you regretted cutting that first time, November 12th
And then months later “Honestly I enjoyed it”
So tell me, who is the one who lies? Who was the terrible one?
It took me a long time to realize, it’s what you deserve
All the bad things you talked about, all of your little problems
YOU are the problem
YOU are a bad person
And to think I thought I was the ****** up one
Thought that you were the light that guided me out of that horrible place
You led me where you lead everyone else
To ruin
That is all you will ever be
Look at me, I never could say anything bad about you when we were together
Well I was under a spell of lies after all
I didnt see
But all this time after, I see what you are
A waste of time

I take back everything nice I said about you
If only I knew how false they were
Your name will always be a synonym for failure
And liar, amongst my friends and I
For it is all you will ever be remembered for
And all you deserve to be
Goodbye, You’re nobody to me
Not anymore

Oh my love, wait no, not anymore, not ever actually,
What a funny little world we lived in
Something I wrote a while ago, part of my "His and Hers" pair of poems

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