I believe that the things we think about at 4 am define who we are and what we truly care about. For example, when I was awake at times in the night when it's considered to be extremely early morning I thought of how lucky I am that my feet haven't worn down like my sneakers. That my body can still carry me even though my mind and soul are weakened. I thought of how beautiful you look when you're sweating even though that might be weird in some cases.
   I'd think about how I want to slash highways into my forearms that would give a pathway for a better life. One where I'm not tormented by the fact that so many more of my friends are capable of having normal every day lives when I, am not. A life where calling a business or family member didn't mean a panic attack. The gushing of air repeatedly into and out of my lungs fills me with panic and hopelessness.
   I'd think about how I want to spend every day with my new family but I can't. I want to tell them I love them but I can't because showing emotions makes me weaker. It shows that I can barely stand on my own two feet, that the second my family leaves I'll be torn down. Piece by piece the bricks fall out, my head in shambles I become nothing again.
   I think how badly I'd love to kiss you. But I can't. I think our minds show what we care about. I care about you, my family. But wouldn't you be so much better off without me?

I don't really know if how I'm feeling can be put into words
I thought you were different
I thought you were going to be the one that would stay with me.
I  push people away,
and I told you that.
I thought that you would just pull me in closer and not let go.
I was wrong.
You had me wrapped around your finger
so tight I could barely breathe.
Out of everyone
I would always look for you
and you knew that,
you acted like I was important to you
when really,
I was just another girl that you could get with.
Now, I'm sitting here crying,
about how stupid I was for thinking,
that you would be someone who actually cared about me.

every sad teen
with dead eyes
who hates their parents
and thinks the world is ****

was once a happy kid
with bright eyes
who believed their parents were heroes
and that anything was possible

Cold steel slides across my skin.  
In so much pain. I let you in.
Now I bleed red.
I'm better off dead.

My life is cheap
30 pills and the bottle only puts me to sleep
A rope from a deck
didn't stretch out my neck
A gallon of gas
But my life didn't pass
And a blade, at least one for each finger
And yet my life seems to linger

I'm come to the conclusion
that happiness is an illusion.
And the only one who can take my life

Is the girl I gave a knife.
The girl I owe my life
The girl who causes my strife.
The girl who I love.

Here's a list of reasons;
1. Your mother carried you in her womb for 9 whole months
2. She went through hell giving birth to you
3. Your dad spent his entire life savings buying your diapers and clothes
4. Your little sister looks up to you
5. Your cousin wants to be able to smile as bright as you do
6. Your niece wants to be a good poet, just like you are
7. Your grandmother wants to watch her granddaughter at her graduation
8. Your boyfriend wants to spend the rest of his life with you
9. Your favorite music bands need your support
10. Your favorite tv shows need you to stay up late waiting for the next episode to be released
11. Your favorite books needs a reader who would read it over and over again
12. Your pen and paper need an artist who is inspired by everything around him/her
13. You make a difference
14. You matter
15. Because you were brought into the world for a reason, and for that ******* reason, you shall be alive.