Poi-son-ous
if you bite it and you die, its poisonous
i show you love
love & compassion that you need that
i think you need.
& you **** it in you
****
it
all
in.
but what do i get?
nothing.

Ven-om-ous
if it bites you and you die, its venomous
i let you in.
the front doors were rusty but you helped me
fix them. little did
I know, that
one you
were inside you’d
break down every
wall i had.

i gaze over, &
see how
his veins stretching all the way through his
fingertips,
they wrap around her hand
their atoms never making
contact with each other
but i still feel as though the world has stopped turning.
the stars weren’t aligned,
there simply wasn’t enough cosmic energy. the
space between us an indefinite
black hole
the constellation of my heart wants
you to scoop me up &
hold me close,
but your heart isn’t the big dipper,
& you're just a pisces drifting in the wind.

the lights
d i m
im told to lay down.
candles are
put in a circle around
me they ask,
“do you hate your body?”
i say
“yes”
they slice of a slab of
flesh from my
stomach
they repeat,
“do you hate your body?”
i say even
louder now,
“yes”
they slash off more flesh
but now from the inside of my
thighs
they repeat one last time,
“do you hate your body?”
i scream
“Y
    E
       S!”
the candles blow out.
the ceiling opens up to
reveal a
starry night sky and they speak for the last time
“you are reborn”

-getting rid of my eating disorder

sometimes,
alone
under the weight of soft
comforters
thoughts come in
without
knocking

-my own personal intruders

the glint of
your knife could pierce
through my
heart
without even making contact with my skin.
the swiftness,
your oddly serene manner,
the sheer
mystery,
it all draws me closer to
you.

-love comes in many forms

why does the
fat on
my body keep
me warm,
but my heart cold?

-self conscious

it’s all
t o
m u c h
the late night texts where
I can only imagine you
speaking these words
in
person

your
v o i c e
is extraordinary,
unexplainable

I DON’T
want to
feel
these emotions
it
hurts  
too
much

the
excitement
the joy
the p u r e
joy
it’s all too much
for me

-I must shut you out before it’s too late