pregnant with jealousy  
I give birth  
and cradle it in my arms
I let it cry ... scream ... **** ...  
then I sing a lullaby  
and remind us that we are still
loved
until it shrinks  
and crawls back into my gut

My heart is broken  
It didn't happen all at once  
There was a series of cracks and wounds and bruises  
Held together by a few desperate strands of self-care
Still, I go on
Until I decide I do not have to live like this  
And call out for change
Finally, a doctor hears  
Smiling, he grabs my heart  
Squeezes it tight  
And it shatters  
Still beating

I lose myself  

In the blur of fall colors  

Wind flowing through my hair  

Singing along to my favorite songs  

Surrounded by people I love  



Then I am found  

A TR*MP 2020 sign  

Reminds me where I am  

And what I have to lose

Make your world better  

Be your own manic pixie

That's the dream, right, girl?

This time.

This time.

This time.

Like a fly trying to get outside, I keep slamming into seen and unseen barriers.

I keep trying and hoping.

This time will be different.

This time things will work out.

This time.  

My skull is cracked

Blood is running down my chest

But I keep trying and hoping.

This time.  

This time.  

This time.

It's almost "cuffing season"

So please hold out your wrist

We can keep each other warm  

Before the cold even hits



Wrap your arms around me  

And squeeze me tight  

Let me melt into you  

Make me feel alright  



When the snow disappears  

I fear you will too  

But in the meanwhile  

I'mma call you my boo



It's almost "cuffing season"

So please hold out your wrist

We can keep each other warm  

Before the cold even hits

A heart symbol doesn't count  

There's no love in that  

I want your real response  

How did you react?  



I shared my poem with you, took a real risk

Opened up my soul, received no closure for it

I don't want to have to beg you not to be brisk

But like bruh please use your words

My fragile soul craves this

I sat down to write you a love song  

To find the perfect melody

To underscore how much you mean to me  

But I can't quite stay on key



I sat down to write you a love song  

Lyrics decadent as sin  

But my heart is mightier than my pen  

Still I need to get without my feels within



So I grip it tight and start to write:  

I really like you ...

I like you a lot...



I sat down to write you a love song

Yet the words they just won't come  

Could say that you leave me speechless  

But that sounds kind of dumb



I sat down to write you a love song

You deserve a love song  

You deserve a love song  

But all I have is my love

Red flag, green light  

I should have known when he started crying and telling me all his insecurities on our very first date  

I did think to myself,
wow,
this kid sure has boundary issues.  

But when he ripped off his shell, I saw that his bruises looked like mine.  

How could I expect to be loved if I turned away from someone broken like me

Red flag, green light

Imagine my surprise later on when I realized that this kid sure has boundary issues

Yellow light

I tell them to pump the brakes and he nods his head and keep going at full speed because he can only see a  

Green light.

Red flag.  

Game over.

When Mom found my antidepressants, she said  

in times like these, you need to call on Jesus,  

not a bottle of pills.  

So Ring Ring


Are you there God?

It's me Jada

Ring Ring  



"You've reached the voicemail of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Please leave a message at the beep."  



Father, I'm sorry to bother you, but you must have dropped the whole world from your hands because I feel it weighing down upon my shoulders pinning me down until I can no longer even hope that one day I will be able to move again.  

Are you there God?  

I don't see a single pair of footsteps in the sand, just the heavy tracks only a crawl could make.

You said you would be with me always, but I feel like I'm the only soul for light years, minus the light. Are you there God?

Wilderness has surrounded me for more than forty days and forty nights.  

I know you don't make mistakes, but this can't be right

I am a prisoner in my own body.  

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I know you meant it as a gift.  

Are you there God?  

I find myself wishing for home even when I'm safely tucked away in my bed.

Are you there God?  

Will you take me back?

Cross your arms in front and grip  

Peel away from your own skin

your 100% cotton exoskeleton

Raise it up, up, up

Let it envelop your head like a cocoon

Up, up, up  

Until you are naked again

Feel the breeze

Shiver

Walk over to the basket  

See how many you's you have been  

(they served you then)  

Walk over to the dresser  

Crawl into a new beginning  

Uncross your arms and relax