Notes on a life not quite lived
Things you said in your sleep
Showed how well I turned out
My past, my future: your hell
War was lost, but who's the winner?
Sometimes I wish I hadn't been her
Under a sky painted with dreams
You waited still for me

Here you are, once again
Betrayed by one you thought a friend
Like embers burn but never mend?
Like echoes call but meet no end?
You mourned the deception that never was
The lies, the trust, my sinless flush
"Two can play this game" they say
Can they?

But I let you run away
Storm out, it's empty greys now
Just look at your face
Never thought I'd save you then betray you
Lucrative choices made
Caught in the games we both played
Still see you there, still see your stare
Full of what I call despair

Venom trickles down your throat
Bought that love was what you spoke
I was a secret: you, an oath
We both swore we'd be there
What you believe is what you see
The truth was drowned in secrecy
I locked my heart and hid the key
I fed your hope for it to bury me

I let you run away
Storm out, it's empty greys now
Just look at your face
Never thought I'd save you then betray you
Lucrative choices made
But your ending came in vain
Still see you there, still see your stare
Full of what I call...

It's all the same
Every decade,
They change the name
They call it a first
Put her forth
Till she bursts
Like the ones before
It’s nothing new
Not a new blue
Trust me when I say
They just changed her hue.

Stack and piles of women put upon the stand
Trying to see where they’ll land
One upon another, I’ll tell you now
Others turn a blind eye, I wonder how?

How come daisies and roses flood her garden
But once we tire, the land’s burning?
Then blame it on her wants,
Her wealth, her guilt, her flaunts
“But what about her needs?”
No, focus on her greed

She’s one cut from a cloth of kindness
Driven by the stars, she dreamt of flying
She’s paved people’s paths,
Held then discarded their pasts

Why can’t we simply let her be?
She’s simply driven, chasing a dream
Show her those stars, show her those pearls
Don’t replace her, hide her from the world

She won’t read this.
Hell, she won’t read me
But I think she should know
I thank her daily

I’ll forget what joy feels like
But remember the weight
I’m cursed to lose in love
This sin was a bait
6’2” of a boy curled around kicked-in ribs
A recalcitrant heart met a colony kid

The moon looks like the one
Reigning over in February
Don’t come to London
Don’t scream “Why’d you leave me?”
Just because I don’t show it
Doesn’t mean I don’t feel it
Wish there weren’t a wall
Wish you could still be here with me

Dreamt of having Paris in the palm of my hands
You unsolicitedly wrecked all their plans
The swooniest moments, the toughest desires
But when the clock struck midnight,
Had to curse out our fire

Santal 33, stuck in closets, no keys
These were the answers you searched for so hopelessly
I set them down on the table
God, I need you to hear me
Warned I’d only be there
Momentarily

The moon looks like the one
Over the oak at the party
Don’t throw out the chain
Don’t curse the palace that keeps me
Away from my love, my joy, my ultimate fury
Wish there weren’t a wall
Wish you could still be here with me

I was raised in rooms with rules for walls
Taught to smile and never fall
Pillars built on stacks of gold
Future history foretold
They say I chose the higher road
But what’s a throne if I die alone?
Cause an ocean away with a reckless name
My true crown came calling at the bay
Don’t speak what wasn't spoken
Don’t look at me like I’m broken
The worst part is: I still love you
I’m sorry

The moon looks like the one
Reigning over in February
Don’t come to London
Don’t scream “Why’d you leave me?”
You’re what I need, my joy, my ultimate fury
But I can’t break the wall
Wish you could still be here with me
Stay with me

I'll keep you closer, closer than most
Closer than friends or lovers or foes
Keep a part of you, you'll never know
The sail will remain as the wind goes.

Wise men once said "Take what you need"
But what if what's needed is out of reach?
In the waters of projection, to reach out, to breathe
Is a trap in itself, you'd need to need me.

My clandestine muse, my spring bloom
Covered by all in eradicant gloom
Your rays of light will still hit the moon
But pulling back from you will be my doom.


I'll keep you far, further than stars
Blurring my vision, chipping my heart
Keep a part of you, watch from afar
Moon dims as Sun beams, worlds apart.

Wise men once said "Choose roads that lead higher"
But now I musn't bear you. Oh, what liars!
Chafing my soul, coaxing my fire
I know that sooner or later you'd tire.

My illicit lust, my timely friend
I'm constantly fighting off, having to fend
All those to whom lust you might lend
But what I need is your love, my merciless end.

You are the one
I am holding on the edge
The one keeping me from where
Nothing is left
The one cord leaving my hand
Unhurt and untouched
Fate seems to have found a way
To let this cord not rust
And should I ever wish to let go
At the deep bottom of the crevice in the crust
Loneliness and darkness shall await me
For you were all there was of bright in my world

When summer comes
Leaves will grow
The winter breeze
Nowhere known
Children's cry at dawn
Will wake all under where the sun shone
Pools filled with champagne to the brim
Will see day till the light starts to dim
Then crickets will call throughout the night
But when someone sees, they'll be nowhere in sight

As the seasons switch, everything changes
All but something, to a point it's deranging
Because although leaves will grow
And the winter breeze will be nowhere known
The pit in me will stay empty
Dark and cold, but not as lonely
As one might seem to think it will be
For a lack of emotion
Lack of admiration
Has become a habit
A pattern yet to be broken

Yet sometimes I wish it to go
For when summer comes,
A new time has begun.

You.
You came to us, longing to start anew
We let you in, like all wrecks do
But not in too deep:
Not to the point where you'd know about the strangers beneath,
The black sheep.

You got misguided towards the better part, the packs
We weren't surprised
After all, you were trained to do that
It was only a matter of time before they advised you against us,
Before you were baptised.
But wouldn't you have wished to know, we were there:
Clad in calm, I mirrored the snarl -
And you and your beasts saw kin, not prey
Until it was too late.
You spent hours looking for black sheep amongst the herds, a break through
But doesn't black blend beautifully with slate?
We were
                  a
            m
     o
n
g    
s        
t            
you.
And then you saw them:
My people, my family, my friends
And growled, whining for help
Not knowing I'd aid them instead.

But this wasn't enough of a break through (ours, not yours)
We didn't have what we needed
Didn't like the cards we were dealt
So we stayed hidden all this time
My boys, my girls and I
And bid our time till the clock struck midnight
Till we were free from our ties

That's when the lights f l i c k e r e d

Oh, what a silent soul
What blatant light
What a piteous cause
Turned to dynamite
You thought you saw us?
Well, now you do
At the head of the forest
They said we didn't belong to
Best of all, we shook you
By doing better that what they'd asserted they'd do
And the rest have grown to love us
More than they'd ever loved you.

Hand in hand, helped me climb the lever
Almost fell back down, your wind saved me in time
Water over city, slipping under
Groaned when you saw both of them arrive

Told me you'd fallen in love with a lie
Helped me only to save your people
Though I'm one, it kinda killed me inside
In the middle of the oasis, withered and died

Your screaming dreams of going back to strangers
Mine only wished that the kiss wasn't forced
All that I'm breathing is dust of the angels
Not you, but everything else will be worse

The 1st of May comes along and I'm reeling
The betrayal turned the tables and coerced
Angry and hurt, you did what you should
I was the lie, you know the real me now

Now we stay up and call, past sunset then dawn
Your cousin, my brother, all family-like
Survived The Great War, past crevice and rock
Sighed dreamily, all good things in mind

It came like this:
Tousled sandy hair, chin held high
One from a regime where love is a lie
Slowly but surely, we took the cake
And fell into a pattern I thought was fake
Honest confessions showed your true colours
Turning us from roots to flowers
Which bloomed into late night calls
And that’s where I thought the end was, overall.
But you and New Years brought the two of us
To a place where I couldn’t have seen us
When you didn’t take your time & grabbed my hair
A month later, all I did was hold your stare.
We lay barefoot on beds
Stayed apart till the light left
But our efforts were in vain
Now that our truths no more restrain
But Love, as long as I can hold on the happiness I have found with you
I’ll be satisfied & follow where life leads me with you.
That’s how I met Love.