and suddenly it was as though
all of those fleeting moments
that I had been grasping for,
all of those feelings
slipping through my periphery,
all of those things
that I could never quite
taste-
they came rushing into me.

And suddenly, I understood
what it was that was escaping me.
I knew exactly what it felt like
to see my heart beating
in someone else's body;
I heard my thoughts
spilling across your lovely lips
and saw my spark
reflected in your eyes,
speaking languages
that I wanted to learn.

I spilled forth all of the rusted,
mildewed things that were hiding
in the recesses of my memories,
and I held them up to the light
and let you touch them,
turn them over and hold them.

And that old feeling
in the helplessness of
my naked soul
was replaced with
a lucid sense of weightlessness.

I found you, and I thought
that you might be able
to know me,
to really know me,
without turning away.

in the dark all alone
fingers weak trembling
to light a flame
so he can smoke
lips on paper
fire in his face
he inhales once more
drawing the fire closer
paper disappearing
muscles relaxing
the plant spreads
through his body
in his lungs
hardened from cigarettes
through his blood it creeps
quietly rapidly
with out a peep
the room hazy
distorted
he is relaxed
until the drug wears off
roll lick light
another cycle
repeated twice more
a sound breaks the silence
the door opens
in the gap a silohuette
short
daddy
it cries
the smoker turns away
as the door closes

the next day
with pockets empty he weeps
a child on his leg
no more
no more
a different life he needs
a person he wants
girlfriends, pets, kids
his wife
have all left

in his house alone
fingers weak trembling
to press the trigger
and an angel speaks
No
No
it cant be
what could god want with me
a loner an addict
a failure

his mother speaks
floating above him
no my son
you can be good
try
let it escape
and he tries and fails
repeating what he did before
gun in hand he cries
with his heart
his mind
his soul
his mothers face
the last thing he sees
despaired, she turns away
biting his tongue
fire in his face
he inhales the lead
and an angel cries

Nobody's gonna love you at three a.m.
Because nobody's gonna be around
Nothing but shadows can hug you
It's cold that early in the morning
And people are sleeping
And when it hits 3:01 don't get excited
Nobody is gonna love you then either
You have to love yourself
Or every other time of day is pointless
It's cold
So nobody's gonna love you until you do it first

Maybe love is* I wonder who you were when I didn't know you yet. I want to see how you first came to know the world and the ways the world tried to teach you that it loved you. I want to know if it hurt, and how, and how sweet.

I wonder who you will be when you reach your best, a person I haven't met yet. I wonder how you will love, and how you will hurt, and how you will learn. I want to see your sad smile, your tears, your broken heart; the days that feel strange, I want to be a witness to. I want to cry for you; I want to know you that well. I want your hurt to lie closer to my heart than my own. I want my heart to be jumping out of my chest into your hands. I don't need 'safe'. I need right.

And honestly there's no telling what that means.
I want you to lie beside me, in bed at night. I want each of us to think our own hands cruel, for the possibility that one of us might ever hurt the other. I don't trust my hands, my heart, my lips, my body to ever love you right. But let me tell you at my simplest, that I love you with the most truth a human soul can offer.

That when you are near or when you are far, I love you at the center of my being. That I always need you. That everything that hurts, hurts twice more when you aren't there to lift me from it.

Lift me from my reverie, my dizzy spell. That when your hand isn't in mine, I am always waiting for you. But when we are apart, never mind what is going on in my heart... I smile at the thought of your smile, cherish whatever is making you happy. Maybe it's when you're in line with the groceries, or with the sunlight slanting across your face. You are my every joy, my only, my absolute, my everyday prayer.

undefined relationship involving little commitment and very high expectations.
worldwide view of what can not be has been.
incapable of sharing perspectives but always pushed to view a distant companion's.
attitudes from hormones.
anger from the force of creating our everlasting future.
so close.
so very close.
yet, imbalanced.
two humans that engage in everyday contemplations,
one knows more than the other.
uncomfortable walls that were once torn down seem to make their way up again.
ignorance from the second party as to why the problems ever arose
and neither has an answer.
why be afraid of places you have never been before?
and both have an obvious answer.
in-the-moment happiness that was never produced to go any farther,
nevertheless last.
this undefined relationship, where words were left unsaid and thoughts were never spoken, have a mutual agreement of the best time of their lives.
-mxy

even though we said we were in love i often found my fingers wrapped around another cigarette than intertwined with your fingers. my lips have touched more bottles of ***** than your bottom lip. i felt more empty being with you than sitting in my room at 3 a.m bawling my eyes out for the 3rd time this week because you looked at that girl in a more passionate way than you've ever looked at me. in fact I'm not even sure that those were butterflies i was feeling in my stomach or the pain of knowing that you wouldn't be mine for long. i fill all the empty holes in my heart with things that will make me end up being more empty.

I do not believe in soulmates because my mum got six kids out of a fourteen year marriage, but she also got two weeks of drowning herself in alcohol to **** the pain, followed by another man who does not quite keep up.

I do not believe in soulmates because I spent sixteen hours sitting on the bathroom floor with my Aunt on her wedding day while she threw up alcohol along with her arguments to her new husband as a honeymoon.

I do not believe in soulmates because my grandmother stayed with her abusive husband for seven years just to fill the void space in her heart, simply because she was dying, even though she was wise enough to know he was not 'the one'.

I do not believe in soulmates,
But I do believe in us.