You long for the sensation of happiness, and try to find it in everything possible.
But never get that real fulfilment you're looking for.
You struggle to find what it is that you need, but you can hope its there.
And just by looking at a new purse in your favourite store, next to some pretty heels; that array of happiness momentarily lies in your presence.
But there are all these things to want in the world.
All these materialistic items that can make you happy for just a few short moments.

But what I personally really want is him.
He gives me that happiness that lasts aeons, and that is what I need

I sit alone, but with the company of my worries floating around me
every minute I am here time slows down even more.
I don't know what I'm looking for..
but I know I need something;
Something that will take this pain away for at least a couple days.

When I'm with him It's like the times I have felt alone never happened
It's like I've only ever been happy my whole life
It's like loneliness ceases to exist
It's like I finally know how it feels to know I am really here.

But of course, when he leaves I sit alone waiting
Waiting for that change inside me
knowing it will never happen..
but still always having some hope in my heart that I will get better

Id love to get away for a while but with this loneliness haunting me,
it would break me down even more just being away from what i already know.. i really want to venture out and explore something new but im too scared that might hurt me too, i want be free from myself, but im tied down i cant move from here,  im such a burden to myself, maybe if i make a change and cut my long hair il be free.. maybe thats whats tying me down?

Have you ever felt like every bit of you was slowly fading away
one by one your limbs disappear
but its all in your head.
You don't want to be here
and anyone can see the proof on your body
You just want to be forgotten
what's the point of staying here
it just feels like your yelling and scratching at the walls around you
but no one notices

Your words trap me in my own body
Your breath on my neck leaves me aching
Your voice when you wake up is croaky
Your hands on my body are bracing

The skin on your chest is like fire
Your arms round my neck is restraining
Your lips on mine give that desire
That I want when I say I've been waiting..

I hope when you're in bed, it's night time
And you feel alone..
I'm the first thing that comes to your mind.
I hope you wonder what I'm doing
I hope you wonder if I'm ok
I hope you think about that time we were in your sisters car
I hope you think about the time I fell asleep in your arms
I hope you remember when we climbed on that building and I scraped my leg
I hope you know you were the one
I hope you know im thinking about you right now
I hope you remember when you first said you love me
I hope you remember what you promised

My room is dim,
the bags hanged on my door are swinging,
It's cold and I should be asleep.
But theres more important things on my mind like;
would I be happier if I was dead right now?
will it end soon?
I hope it does.
I'd rather my flesh rotting under ground,
than my heart collapsing to pieces every night.
This isn't healthy, I'm aware of that,
but I also don't care.

Sometimes I don't want to remember what its like to hold you,
what its like to feel the warmth of your skin against mine,
the sound of your voice or the way you laugh.
I want to forget every time you kissed me,
every time you made me happy and I didn't want you to go
I want to take back the promises, take back the wish I made upon that star.
I don't want to know what its like to have that someone, I want to be alone.
But then I realise thats not what I need.
I need your presence and to see your smile
I need to hold you and know I have you
I need you to see how you make me happy
I need your kisses, and need to hold your hand
I just need you and all of you

It's too much effort to stay in this room anymore
I want to leave
I want to see the light
I don't want to come back
I want every little piece of my body to burn to dust
I want to be pulled away from the world
I don't want sympathy,
Its pathetic.
I just want to go.

They say hell is beneath heaven,
that's because I'm in hell right now.

I hope that one day
when my bodies numb and my heart stops beating
I finally realise what life could be,
my eyes finally open up to what they should've when I could breathe,
but that day will come soon.
& until then, i'll keep pretending to care about the world
keep fighting for things I want, pushing away things I need
and doing everything thats viewed 'out of line' in this world.
I wont change till Im stopped..

i dont know how to write poems