baby....
i don't own you.
but .....
i  have been granted
a 99 year,
freehold lease.

i
  'm

l
o
s
t

a
  t

s
e
a

You gave me a ring
It was sapphire in silver
Between soft flesh
Connected to a lifted furry arm,
On a leaned forward body
On a bent knee
On black asphalt
Under dimly lit lights
After hours
With beautiful brown eyes
Lips that moved without noise
Just silent magic that I could not
Hide my teeth from
& I said yes, while I shook
Because I knew for months
That it was you forever

But things change every day
& the only thing that stays the same
Is love
If it's true enough
If you're true enough

That sapphire is just a memory
Replaced by a sapphire in our hearts
At least in mine
The toughest stone for the toughest heart
& the strongest love ever known

That seductive looks will just
Caught an attention to fool

but not the crying kind of sad
the kind of laying in bed sad
where minutes turn into hours
and hours turn into days
that i haven't gotten out of bed
because there's no point
and no purpose
maybe in a different world
i'd be getting out of bed for you
but because of mistakes
and bad decisions
and calling it quits
far too early
im here
laying in bed
alone
and im sorry

There once was a girl of fifteen
She fell in love with things no one has seen
Her mind took her to places where no one has been
Her strength was her weakness, her mind was keen.
She was as stubborn as one can ever be
None would change her, neither you nor me
To her wonderland, only she has the key
People called her stray, headstrong, wild as far as they could see,
She seemed insane but her mind gave reason
As to why her heart flew higher every season
Nature and all it offered was her nation
Paradise was in the palms of imagination.
Things would've been different if she wasn't stubborn
Society would be disrupting her inner discovery
Insanity which needed not any permission
I am telling you because that girl is me.

you called, i came,
that's what one does,
when a friend,
is terminal.

i watched you doze.
body skeletally thin,
face no longer yours,
more drawn and alien.
skin parchment draped loosely,
on a collasping frame.

quiet i sat,
not ready to disturb.
you woke and smiled,
with effort, moved
to bring me into focus,
you reached for my hand
and beckoned me close.
inside my heart lurched.
"glad you came, just needed
to see your face."
my smile tremulous,
as you gently squeeze my hand,
with all your strength,
"not long"
you sigh on laboured breath,
i nod unable to agree.

you slip back to sleep.
giving me,
momentary grace,
to gather myself,
my thoughts.
inwardly, i mourn your choice to cease the battle,
fought and won twice before,
but,
i know this is my need,not yours crying.
when stronger,  you as always, eloquenty explained your rationale.
battle weary,
knowing the final outcome you chose,
not to walk toward it,
but let it come, without fight,
for you, not fear,
but faith's reward.
pallitive care was all you sought.

the warrior woman,
had put away her sword.

you told me, all this, one day bright with sun,
as we watched my child play.
you ended the conversation with these words.
this is not suicide,
dear girl, but grace.

again you stir and mumble,

" live well my dear one"
"as have you"
my broken reply"
"go, for now there are others to see"

i put my lips to yours,
special in intimacy.
i walk from the room,
your salt tears on my face this will be my last time spent with you,
my mentor, my friend,
my sage wisdom women.

in the garden of death's place
i sit myself down
and water the world with my sorrow.

age shall not define me,
never has,
i was born with old eyes.
now my joints are playing
catch up.
but my mind ever childlike
and carefree.