So this guy is dying
in a recovery bed
Out of surgery
obviously not successful
because he is dying
and his wife is watching
her husband,
brain dead
dying and there is a montage of his moments with his wife
their life together telling
his wife
he loves her
forever.....
but together

And this montage,
its of the life they lived.
I am crying to it, so hard
I'm not super attached to the characters
It's just sad.
really sad.
but the music choice, its a remix
the slow remix ones, they get me
and me not knowing where we are,
I love you.
where are we.
And you don't love me back the way I need you too.
where are we
really?

You and I could be something
really real.
So real
I want to spend my life with you
It scares me that I can know this
20 years old
And I know for 20 more
Or 50
That I could wake up beside you and be content with my decision.

I think we could be really real.
Why are you scared of something that feels good
And right
And real


I am too
but I ignored it


And this is where it got me.
crying about you
while I watch Grey's Anatomy

but think about us, really?

Crying Night

You said mean
nasty
horrible
teasing
things

you didn’t think
about what you said
to me

I turned my back
and we sat in silence.
The glow of our phones lighting up our faces
mine, sad
yours, oblivious

mine, a way out of our plans tomorrow
yours, Facebook scrolling

then,
the last straw
the tip of the iceberg
it wasn’t the things he said that night
it was everything
it was me feeling like I wasn’t good enough
our hearts filled not equally

mine, full, overflowing, even
yours, unsure,
you turned to me and tried to make me giggle
react
laugh
at a post
I shoved you
and the flood gates opened
first quietly
then raging
heavy, breathe taking sobs
crying crying

then you realized
this wasn’t a joke
you held me tight
and I told you why
All of it, and you laid and listened
silence
shhhhhh you said.
shhhhhh you’re okay.
shhhh

No,
No I’m not
this isn’t okay.


why am I not enough
the way I feel is too much
I shouldn’t have to hold it all back
You’ve turned me into an insomniac

don't be confused
I was just your muse
and you can't take me that way
because I know
that's not the way to play

Tricky and sticky
hard to get out of
but easy to get ****** in

how do I tell the difference
are you love?

you are empty promises
you are the relationship with no labels
you are the late night getaways
the text messages I hide away

you are the heartbreak
you are what makes my knees shake
you make me tuck my morals away

as I dance among your lips
I feel the grip on my hip
my wrist held down tight
I blossom into the queen
of the night

Can't you see my body tremble?
Finding pleasure there
Finding love there
And my body
My heart remembers..
As I wait thirsty

Hungry for the next time
hungry for you

This is not love,
this is not what its like
this is not what I longed for every night
it's a trick but it feels right


It's a trick, right?

Slowly moving far far away, away form here

to run to the air to leave the strangest kind Summer

The weight of your problems tapping, sinking into you

the sweet air is leaving fast

I'd fly away if you saw me here


somebody, the one not paying attention

is bothering you

because they are missing it all

I beg of you

A poem for the seniors.
I beg of you, do not go to college.
You've heard it all wrong,
about the future, I mean.
I heard what they told me,
I remember it clealy...
If I want to be happy, if I want a job, if I want to make a living for myself...
I need to apply
I need to make the deadline
I need the best SAT
Take it once, twice?
Okay maybe three.
get good grades
student council
sports
be
everything.


You heard it all wrong.
Have you been out of the state,
the country?
Neither had I.
Just leave
find a program,
volunteer,
work abroad,
see whats outs there.

You are so young,
college makes you sit
it makes you stay
it makes you spend your life away
inside,
in debt,
in class,
inside your head.

You wont be leaving
and if you try
your debt will choke you
you can't leave that behind.
So I beg of you,
get out while you can

Nothing I ever wondered