Soft brown hair and that smile
That I haven't seen in a while
The way you think and your disposition
I once thought was a poison
But like most illusions I've seen,
It was just love after all.

You slid your hands in your pockets
Eyes shifting within their sockets
This is the you I cried so many times over
And after all these years, I've only just begun getting sober.

The loss of what could and what might have been,
Is a wound that time can never heal
You've made my life slightly dim
And made pain an emotion I frequently feel

But a day like today,
Is a day I never thought would arrive
You walk towards me in your worst of states,
And my love for you was somehow revived.

I begin to repel the emotion I cursed that I never again would let near
But little did I know , it has always been here.

And as you walk away looking back at me with the softest of eyes
I loved you again, to my surprise.
It was then , I realized—
This is a love that never dies

Like a throbbing sensation in the center of my torso
My heart and my stomach feel as though they've met halfway in there
My jaw pops open in the slowest motion
So slow I never notice.
I squirm and squirm
Fidget and fidget
And constantly find myself in very awkward places and positions
Oh, the things I feel around your presence
A never ending mystery that feels like torture
Hope drizzling all over everything and every dream I've dreamt of
It's heartbreaking, you know,
Liking you a lot?
Its devastating.

I've been taught about pride.
in this security, we tend to push aside what is significant.
but this said trait, as some say, could make you a name.
it could earn you respect and make you feel triumphant

I've always been reminded of these simple words
words that have oddly functioned well for me:
"dont go when they push you away,
leave when they insist that you stay."

but be warned;
for it could break you so much as it can protect you.

i feel myself slipping through the wind
unleashing my soul within
eyes leak in memory of you
and forgive myself for being the fool

i have no urge to scream
this pain cannot be mended by any means
who knew emptiness turns out to fill us with the worst of pain
pain that cannot be verbalized in any sentence or phrase

the closest it's had to having an explanation was in the tears we've shed
there's nothing about it that could be said
no one ever understands until they feel it
until they found the love that once made them feel sick

i stand here now, arms raised to my sides
no love, no pain, and no anger to hide
and now i know, finally, for just a few moments atleast,
how it feels to let my soul be free.

you planted a smile on my face,
consistently took care of it for the first few weeks
you watched it bloom, you watched it grow
until one day i guess it took too much space.
at times it withered and it displeased you.
it was difficult to manage; to keep it intact.
espescially in days the weather was bipolar.
and once you realized it was too hard to keep,
you decided it was about time to have it reaped.
but one thing you never knew about smiles--
is that they can go on for so many miles.
no matter what weather, they could bare.
the only reason they have to pass,
is lack of care, lack of love, lack of attention
the things you have put a halt to provide once you dedcided,
that you no longer cared.

You run.
As fast as your feet can.
As long as your lungs can take.
Just to get where?
You don't know
Oh, but you do, don't you?
You know very well where you want to go.

You want to go to the darkest and the loneliest of spaces.
A space only your mind could create for itself when its had too much to take.
You go there.
A lot.
And I think the closest you've been out of there was halfway through.
Once you discovered this place, you never really left it.
You stayed there.
No one knows who you really are.
Because you chose to stay within the doors that you think protects you from pain and rejection.
But you never knew how much it has eaten you away.
Because you're too afraid to accept that to love at all, means to be susceptible.
So I'm not gonna tell you to stop running.
Stop hiding.
I want to know you.

Im still gonna love you
Even when you wont
Even when you say goodbye
Even when you have some else to call your own.
Im still gonna love your eyes
Even when they look at me different
Even the way they look away from me
Even when theyre looking at someone else
Im still gonna love your cheeks
Even when somebody else pinches them
Even when you turn them at me
Even when someone gets to hold them the way i could
Im still gonna love your nose
Even when they tickle someone elses
Even when they dig into someone elses shoulder
Even when theyve fallen for someone elses scent
Im still gonna love your lips
Even when someone else gets to feel your kiss
Even when someone else can kiss em better
Even when they speak of me negatively.
Im still gonna love you
Even when you forget about me
Even when its over
Even when you say you dont love me anymore