she's behind every smile
saying "this is what it takes"
she's behind every smile
both real and fakes

she holds my hand
when my mind becomes weak
she holds my hand
telling me not to eat

i'm tied to Ana
by the lies i've listened to
i'm tied to Ana
there's nothing i can do

i fade away piece by piece
as Ana watches on
i fade away piece by piece
soon it won't be long

maybe i'm addicted
to the lies Ana shares
maybe i'm addicted
maybe only Ana cares

can't let her go
i only wish i could
can't let her go
heaven knows i should.

got all these voices in my head
and monsters in my bed
and memories of words and things
i can't recall i said

darling, i know they will tell you
your body is a temple
but they will forget that this temple has
sapphire roads
leading to incessant pounding of a fist
on iron gates of your heart
your marble columns and ivory floors will crumble
t h u m p  t h u m p  t h u m p
through the kudzu constricting your lungs
do not force yourself to breathe thorns
when you feel inadequate

darling, i know your body is a temple
but they will forget that this temple has
splintery bridges spanning the deepest chasms
of a mind carved from gold
it is easy for the slightest bit of heat to melt
your thoughts until they pour as thick as molasses
into your ivy misshapen lungs
it is okay to have your fruits plucked from you
and roots destroyed
when you can rebuild
again

darling, i know they will tell you
your body is a temple
but they will forget that this temple has been mined
from replenished caverns and forged
by a deadlier inferno still raging within
your flames will be fanned by the winds of change
because you finally
learned to breathe air
after you have cleared the garden
growing deadly in your lungs
do not be afraid of those who have destroyed you
when you have a fire in your eyes and oxygen in your veins

When things are always going wrong
you start to lose faith.
My faith in God is waning.
A God who loves his people,
wants them to live,
to be happy,
a loving God,
would let so many horrific things happen.
He let my heart be shattered.
He made me autistic.
He made me with Tourette’s.
He let my parents fall out of love.
He took my best friend.
I’ve lost faith in the god of deathless death,
pain, loss, and oppression.