Here is the thing darling, no matter how many cheer,
The world remains an empty place.
There’s an abrupt sound of palms hitting one another,
But the moment is fleeting.
The lights shut off. The curtains close.
Applauses end.

You think you know what hurt is.
Perhaps a punch to the gut, banging into the corner of your table, or your hair getting stuck in the car window.

I thought I knew what  hurt was.
Getting dumped by my high school sweetheart, learning that I won’t ever be the girl you want me to be, or losing my grandmother.

Sure all these instances hurt. But time slowly helps them go away.

But being hurt with harsh and cold words by the one that brought you to this planet might be the worstof all. It’s worse than the voice in your head constantly telling you that you aren’t enough.

Why though?

Being hurt by the person that is supposed to build you up and love you no matter what leaves much deeper scars.

It’s scars that harden your heart, your feelings, makes you numb.

It leaves your mind wandering, just like this entry.

There’s something about the way the city lights hit each rain droplet. It’s like each drop was strategically placed in a mess of a storm

people say the bed doesn't feel the same when a lover goes away.
it's been said that it feels that they took a part of you.

i believed these things for many years.
lovers have come and gone, and my existence dwindled away.

until one day when just a shadow remained,
i looked up and i looked around me.

i noticed trees, flowers, and animals.
storms have come and destroyed these things at some point in their existence.

but they came back. they grew stronger.

why can't i?
i can.
i will.

i tend to not let my mind wander.
somehow it always finds its way to you.

the moment my mind forms the image of you,
my lungs feel as they collapse.

my heart tightens.
the force is as tight as i held you when i told you not to go.

this moment seems to be an infinity.
my emotions come afloat and pour out of my eyes,
with a force that no boat could ever survive.

i tend to not let my mind wander.
not for the sake of my sanity,
just so this last flicker of life in me doesn't go out.

something.
is it the sparkle in your eye?
was it the crinkle in your smile?
maybe it was the way your lips moved when you said my name.
or perhaps the soft warm touch of your petal smooth skin.

something.
one of those things or perhaps the sum of them brought back feelings i had thought had been buried.
like spirits on a bewitched night, my feelings for you started to wake.
everything and nothing in me tried to hold it back.


you are something.

Be like a sunflower.
Even when the sun hides, you can still shine.
The sun radiates from within.