Was I blinded by happiness that I couldn't see?
The fear, the doubt that was bubbling inside of you.
Perhaps, my mind blocked my sight, wanting to make me happy.

Oh, foolish mind.
How I wish you could have let me see.
The pain now left flowing through my body isn' worth the two seconds of bliss.

A starry, blurry night.
I stumbled into a smoky and loud bar.
With a drunken mind, somehow, it led me there.
Who knew the magic that awaited.

I stand leaning against the bar.
Girls flipping their hair and men with wandering eyes stood around me.
My dazed eyes landed on you.
You walked up to me and offered a drink.
I couldn't say no.

Minutes turned into hours.
I could listen to you go on and on.
You spoke in a melody I hadn't heard before and one that I didn't want to end.
The fire in me grew until it felt like it would burst out of my chest.

I leaned in and kissed your lips.
The noise around me seemed to fade away and all I saw was you.
There weren't any fireworks like those mentioned by others.
There didn't need to be.

You were greater than all the fireworks that could have appeared.
You saw past my drunken mask and somehow saw my true self.
It's been a few weeks, and I fall for you more and more each day.

Thanks for noticing me when I was just standing there.

happiness in my life exists transiently.
never have i been able to trust it completely.

on the occasions that things consistently go right,
my stomach drops and my mind keeps me awake at night.

i ponder why i must live in constant fear.
perhaps, it's due to the leaving of people i once held dear.

my hands clasp and try to hold you tight,
but my inner negativity makes this a constant fight.

i pray that one day happiness will be a friend to me.
that i won't fear its leaving and enjoy life peacefully.

i feel the electricity spark between us when we touch.
i feel the warmth of your soft and tender lips on mine.

i feel the joy your voice brings every time you speak
i feel my heart growing fonder each time you come into my sight.

i feel something new.
i feel you.
i feel love.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

i knew from the moment i saw you that we would be grand.
it took you 12 years to realize this.

now we're happy.
and of course, it's only temporary.

why would the fates ever allow someone like me to be happy?
was i selfish in a past life?
am i paying for something that i don't know about?

well fates, hate me today or hate me tomorrow.
i'm going to love this man as much as i can while he's still here.
and perhaps we won't last since you're pulling him away.

but i can live happily knowing i experienced something so beautiful.
the wait was worth it.
you won't bring me down.