Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
f Feb 2019
i’ve made it to 24 momma,
2 - 2 - 19
f Jan 2019
the door in my old room. the one with light blue sky and clouds painted over every inch of the walls. the two window sills in my room, with the dirt from when i’d go in and out of them. my ceiling from which i hung wind chimes. my bunk bed that had alllllll my stuffed animals on the top bunk. with a book called the anybodies (my favorite as a kid) to read on the top bunk with the fan on. anyway,
the door in my old room. i wasn’t allowed to close it, so i almost never did. but when i did, it was so I could write and draw on the white backside. my teenage poetry. pure, ****** poetry.
well i wonder if it’s all still there.
nostalgia is a slow, everlasting-like ******. a guaranteed good feeling. because i feel just enough sorrow that it’s the really good feeling pain because also, i’m happy as if i’m happy crying. if that makes sense
“i know it well” blood bank
momma, i miss you. i feel you. i only wish to ever be enough, and to be a good person.
even the best of us aren’t perfect hm?
my old door was cool. i miss some of those times. i feel like thinking about the lyric “hearts are broken every day.” has been messing with me lately. heartbreak (don’t judge me aight) reminds me that i am human. heartbreak makes me feel mortal in a way few things can. so what is the point of my life when i already know such heartbreak, it’s impacted me a lot, but it is simultaneously an every single day, multiple times per second occurrence. very common. very common **** my ****. that **** hurts in a good way you feel me?
1 - 26 - 19
f Jan 2019
my,
it’s saturday, my 24th birthday is in exactly one week. that’s so  crazy. today i sang “somewhere over the rainbow” at a family funeral. it was one of the most peaceful funerals i’ve been to. i’m getting over a sickness right now and i’m starting to not feel as ****** even though it’s so weird.. my hearing is as if i have my ears plugged with my fingers and i’m talking aloud. all i can hear clearly is my voice, everything else is muffled. just a lot of sinus pressure, but i’m def over the worst of this particular virus. it was nice seeing and sitting next to my twin today. i took him home on my way home and saw where he’s living so that was also good. my favorite band weezer released a new teal album that’s composed of covers of many different classic, very recognizable, tracks. i love it of course. work is all right, but i can feel myself getting bored. perhaps it’s myself getting through this winter. this winter has been a little too long for my liking. even though the spring brings allergies, it brings SUN. and while i would prefer to be cold than hot... the sun brightens my heart and soul. and while i love all of earth’s creatures... i stand by 100% death to all mosquitoes. but who doesn’t love some allergy pills, h2o, and a lil mosquito repellant. oh! and chapstick. i’ll be house sitting in sugarhouse before my birthday, then finishing house sitting on my b day. then flying to ohio with mcd for his older brother’s wedding. then coming home on the 11th to chill before returning to work on tuesday. i think so, yeah...
my three beautiful kits are perfect as usual. tonight it’ll be a fun night with the bf and our friends playing vid games and sipping wine. before yet another work week. i still talk to my mom and dad every day, usually on my way to or from work. anyway. nap time.
1 - 26 - 19
f Sep 2018
when consumed with the torturous thought of growing old and just
wanting to end it now
is when i truly feel the most
clinical.
depression
the crux of the matter i’m just
recovering from past lives i cannot imagine
grey days are days i wish eternal death on myself
all of me, my entire soul, body, thought, potential, existence
gone.
9 - 29 - 18
f Aug 2018
on the verge of tears
every day
facing my pain requires courage
but am i strong enough to pull myself
OUT of the PIT
that is my mind
when i die, where will my soul go
where will i call home and
•do i have a soul•


let me start over.
i am on a cliff
but the thing is
i climbed it
i’m strong,
i know this, but
everything
EVERYTHING
requires will
true grit
a backbone
but the thing is that
•i lack a spine•


okay again
i’m on a cliff.
have you ever had a dream you were flying
?
i’m about to jump,
i’m just hoping i’ll fly
i just want to feel that feeling
but this cliff, it turns out, is myself
and i can’t let myself go
•i can’t experience ego death•



i’ve apparently overcome a lot in this lifetime
when people hear the first few years of my life they tell me things like that
i know i’m strong
but what i’m trying to say is that
•my entire life has felt like i’m on a cliff•


and lately i’ve just felt on the verge of tears
i want to feel relief, and drugs do that for a bit
but i wish if i jumped i would fly
just.
feel that,
you know
?
but the closest i’ll get
•is jumping•
8 - 15 - 18
btw i’m drunk and high and i’m watching 13 reasons why
f Aug 2018
we all enter this world
so loved
and so broken
i promise to love
unconditionally
and heal the broken parts
8 - 9 - 17
f Jul 2018
lock me in a building
a room, if you will
padded ****-me walls
to terrorize my mind
and, most importantly,
fix me
and i wonder
are psychotic girls a good ****
7 - 12 18
thursday
Next page