falling, tripping  
holding on for dear life
tasting an unfamiliar sip
through another restless night
"you have it in you to love"
i say
as i put up a raging fight  but
when push comes to shove
you dream for the day
all of your ceaseless wrong becomes right

*at the end of the day, we all want the same thing - to love and to be loved

sometimes I feel sad for no reason
I'm conscious of the good but
there are moments that something deeper is felt
yet so completely misunderstood by my own mind

there are evenings when I'm driving my car and feel the impulse to pull over and
immerse myself into the simple things
to distract myself from the deeper things I
cannot understand

almost always
its the same  piece of land
different hour, different day
different weather
playful shadows and celestial fragments of light
are out to play after a cold, rainy yesterday
what is beautiful today may appear flawed tomorrow

sometimes I take photos to remember the way I felt when I captured what I found beautiful in that moment
it isn't just what you see
it's what you feel when you see it

*there is so much ugly in this world, promise me you will try your best to see the beauty

Don’t get me wrong, I looooove the sunshine.

I love the smell

the  t a s t e

the way it thaws my cheek bones and warms my shoulders

But, these rainy days instill something deeper, calmer, even 

everyone is home; wherever that may be 

going about their lives

listening to the same drizzly soundtrack

I kiss the spots I know others have missed
& shake my head
Imagining
what a loss it would be
to not have all of you

I wonder if she knows
Just how infatuated I am
Day after day
How light my shoulders feel
This was never me
I am better this time

I ran  
A devoted runner
In the sense I didn't want to stay
Or settle for something less
I wonder if you know it's different now
I found my home with you

I am not a liar when I say the sky is  brighter and the air feels cleaner
I wonder if you know
If you truly know
Your skin is the only texture I desire.

tell me honey, do I fuel your mind?
so many thoughts are stacking inside of mine, though I'm
frequently running low on words to describe
the manner in which my heart so heavily thrives
as I trace your porcelain skin
with the tips of my fingers, my eyes  
one
two
stray freckles kiss mine

i wanted to inhale every ounce of you
& sometimes i did, but
a muse breaking your heart is enough
to throw it all away  
& under my feet
i will crush those California leaves you so tenderly pressed
under heavy books
all dried up like the feelings you faked for me
every postcard, every handwritten letter
i refuse to reopen
how could i be so blind?
a complete and utter fool for you beauty
your passion
i'm always seeking passion
it's all i could see when your green eyes pierced mine
still burning in the deepest parts of me
i hate you.