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Evan Robbins Jan 2012
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I have a problem
With being belidgerent
I have no scruples
with hurting the innocent
Now I'm not a monster
but I've never been a saint
I'm going crazy
with my heart on a string

I  miss this comfort
that I had
I miss the feeling
of feeling bad
I shot my temper
with a .49
I have gone crazy
thinking I'm divine.
Evan Robbins Oct 2015
In some other lifetime
We were meant to be
Theres some happy version
of a smiling you and me
but in the timeline were in
and the life we live
I will never know
the taste our lips make
I will always feel
the way our hearts ache
mine for you
yours for his
lifes sweetest joke
was the love we give
now you are leaving
to start a brand new life
living with him
youre his soon to be wife
I don't mean to be bitter
I don't want to be sad
I wish you the best
but it hurt so bad
Just this weekened you fell asleep in my arms
I had all these visions of that timeline of ours
Evan Robbins Jan 2014
In a fit of religious anger
I killed all the worlds fish
...also I left you several voicemails.
This isn't the time or place to discuss post mortem erectile dysfunction but I do have a few minutes to stop and chat, about how your getting old, full of mold or how your *** is getting fat. I haven't the time I haven't the will ,to indulge you till you've had your fill. I see no reason shape or rhyme why I should have to sit and define , the way your hair sways or the way your grandma hates the gays. I wish I could indulge for you but you see my time is almost through. And when all is said and done you've past the line ,your the last to run.
Evan Robbins May 2016
You say anyone would be lucky to have me
so why not you?
Why do you say these things to me ?
and are they true?
I try to keep composure
but anxiety rises with no closure
and i tell you i'd come over
if i only knew
where to find you
darling
why are you making this so difficult
it could be so simple though
and i know your life isn't easy
but my loving guarantees
that i won't be leaving
when **** gets tough
our loves enough
all i need is a chance to prove
that im just the guy for you
and make your life new and improved
make you see how wonderful life could be
if life was with you and me
i hope you'll see
natsumi...
Evan Robbins Jun 2015
A forced surrender and
The grandest coup d'e tat
You're ****** moral compass
and the worst lies I ever saw
Carolina's calling
Calling me back home
I need to be more grounded
yeah I need to be subdued
After all the things
The things that I've been through
I can't believe I am coming
Coming home to you
Yeah after all the heartache
I'm still coming home to you
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
Well I've seen so many ways
To cut up a dinosaur
And I've told you everything
So what are we waiting for
Is it just monotony
That we're going to choose
I've broke all the rules
So theres nothing more to lose
Call me just a sadist
And I'll show you the truth
My ego is rifle
Shoot you up because it's bruised
I'm just one throw away
From saving the day
Just one lie less
of a Biblical mess
Just trust me more
it's what I'm good for
and youve run away
with nothing left to say
Evan Robbins Aug 2015
A question I have to ask
Have I always smiled like this?
I have never felt so comfortable
Just happy to exist
Now you tell me there's a reason
A reason for your frown
Well darling I'd pick up everything
And just get the **** out of this town
Let's just run away
Start brand new
**** all these *******
Baby it's just me and you

But you don't even know me
At least not yet
Smiling with you
Was the least of my regrets
You claim to see my face
But I couldn't place the bet


I've seen so many folks coming in out of my life
But the second I met you was the second I started to fight
For better things
For happier days
For smiling for myself
For being awake
Evan Robbins Aug 2015
A question I have to ask
Have I always smiled like this?
I have never felt so comfortable
Just happy to exist
Now you tell me there's a reason
A reason for your frown
Well darling I'd pick up everything
And just get the **** out of town
Let's just run away
Start brand new
**** all these Assholees
Baby it's just me and you

But you don't even know me
At least not just yet
Smiling with you
Was the least of my regrets
You claim to see my face
But I couldn't place that bet
I've lost so many friendships
Just trying to be true


Seen so many folks coming in and out of my life
But the second I met you was the second I started to fight
For better things
For happier days
For smiling for myself
For being awake

Can't take this feeling
I am so overwhelmed
Chasing my mind
Trying to keep hold of myself
revisions
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
Everyone has someone
Yet I'm all alone
Wasting my time
Waiting by the phone
If she was a message
I'd be the post
If she was still living
I'd be a ghost
She said someday I promise you'll understand
But I can't keep living on your command
For the times we are fickle
and the times we are loose
You are my gun, you tied the noose.
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
We talked with forked tongues
and we lie alot too
We speak in only riddles
and our truths are few
Catch me an answer
I’ll throw you a phrase
Change the station
and I’ll flip the page
Show me truth
I’ll give you a lie
Give me ten reasons
That I shouldn’t just die
Feel up a friend
Punch a lover
Show up instead
**** your brother
Hate all you breed
Change the seasons
Love all you need
Change your reasons
Evan Robbins May 2015
I'm going on a hot air balloon ride
Gotta pack my feelings inside
Take it up all the way, to the sky
make it to you alive and in style
it may take a while but it's worth it
you could say i'm full of ****
but when you see me in it
you'll be wishing you weren't on the ground
safe and sound
but bored as can be
envying me
take a chance
join me, now
and you'll never regret it
anyhow ,can't you see
lifes too short
to risk not risking it for sport
I have emotions about people
Evan Robbins Jan 2012
I'm far too fickle to love another
I look at you and see nothing
I tried but your like mother
No attraction, no spark
I'm lost in the dark
No direction, No way up
Lost but profound
In a cave with no sound
Did I ever really love
Or was it just a dream
I want to ******* scream
I have no idea what this means
Nothing is what it seems
When you feel love is gone
Evan Robbins Aug 2015
Sick Psalms in my Submarine
Praying to Neptune
At the center of the earth
Submerge and converge
My thoughts from my head
Isolation in a cabin bed
Weeks in solitude
The comfort of radars beep
Check the periscope
Eat Sleep Repeat
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
You were nothing short of spectacular
You took my breath and ran
I thought nothing else could be the same
If I lost your hand
But im sitting reflecting on the love we built
And I know it sounds insane
But I never thought I could love you more
and I know I'm to blame
You are nothing less than gorgeous
You are nothing more than sweet
and every moment spent without you
is a moment I feel weak
I have spent all of my troubles
Making sure you would be mine
You nothing short of heavenly
Nothing less than divine
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
My walls are full
My heart is empty
My mind is weary
Your love is tempting
I never felt this way before
Never more would I perform
Against myself against it all
My heart is empty
My walls are full
The sentences are all fragments
And our tenses misaligned
The tension is uplifting
But our cancer was benign
We are trying we are dying
We are moments trapped in time
We are loathing we are living
We are livid with each line
You are spewing up your guts
You are cheating every time
I am telling the whole story
I am reading every rhyme
I am sorry your are hurting
But we are dying for our lives.
Evan Robbins Feb 2016
This is for anyone who's ever been with someone for a long time, and you were friends before then. Let's say you were friends for a few years and you decide hey, we have chemistry. Then for a few years you date. Then things end badly, that person who used to be just your right hand, they used to be this figure of comfort for you, the one you told everything to becomes this painful memory. You can't even remember what it was like when you two were friends.

You guys used to laugh and knew nothing about each other’s lips or the mole she has right above her ***** line, but you were happy together. You knew that she loved chocolate ice cream and you shared music. She laughed at your dumb impressions of indie musicians and you were happy.

Then you guys had *** one day, well I mean you were probably already having *** (it’s the 2000’s) but I mean this time it meant something. You looked her in the eyes and realized this is right. This is the person who you love. The person you've spent all this time with is the person who's been right for you all along. In that moment she realizes it too, she doesn't want to admit it. If you are me you had to pressure her into it. I told her I didn't want to have *** anymore unless we made a commitment to each other...and just like that we were together.

Romantic, right? Friends for 4 years and suddenly we were lovers. It was a rocky start; she was cold and unaffectionate even though you had been affectionate before. But then one night she said it, I love you. She cried and told me she loved me as we made love. I had never felt so proud.

Flash forward a few years and we just can't stand to be in the same room together. She gets drunk and tells me I ruined her life, that I'm the cause of all her problems. She sobers up and tells me it was just the liquor. Just the liquor, yet she drinks every night as if she doesn't understand the correlation, the cause and effect of every Gimlet she downs and then she drowns me in sorrow.

This wide eyed little girl I made friends with years ago is a sad eyed beat up adult, who hates the world and cuts herself in secret. Then the moment comes, we finally end things. And you know what at first it's like freedom. I've wanted this for so long. To be free from this monster we've created. To be free from her keeping me from finding someone who will make me happy.

But then I realize this break is like being stabbed. I don't know if you've ever been stabbed so I'll break it down. At first you feel this horrible pain, just more immense than you can fathom. I cried, I cried for hours screaming at the top of my lungs. I sat in my car begging her not to leave me. Then she left and the next step in being stabbed is numb. Your body goes into shock and you feel nothing. You feel absolutely nothing, you know you should feel something but you just don't. Then the healing process begins and every time someone touches it or you brush up against this wound it hurts. Not as much as being stabbed but it hurts a lot. Pretty soon it becomes a scar and a painful reminder. Every time you look at it, you remember.
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
The words are my paint
My brain is the canvas
If you searched inside
You wouldn't be able to handle it
Dark subject matter
Gore and lust
Feelings of anxiety, Scared to trust
Hurt before, hurt me no more
My brain is riddled with you
I can't betray
Never untrue
It's a blast from the past
When I see your ***
It reminds me I'm sexually charged
I can't control the demons I pull
When I see your body unclothed
Anger,retreat and the feeling of defeat
When I know I'm not alone
Wasting away , wasting a day
Talking to you on the phone
You asked me my size and to my surprise
You said I was full of ****
I told you its true
and I promised it too
and 3 days later I was filling up you.



Dress to impress me darling
My impressions are the world
Sprawled out on my bedspread
Letting your dress be unfurled
Honey, I've seen you naked
But I've never seen you like this before
An after effect , I must be direct
Cut to the chase, your no disgrace
Your moister then a florida day
I've never seen you act this way
Hedonistic views,blaming it on you
Cut to the chase, your no disgrace
Evan Robbins Oct 2015
I wish I saw what people see in me
I tried to believe but it cannot be
They say I'm cool and handsome
They say I'm fun and smart
but I can't believe it
not in my heart of hearts
It's like every time I look in the mirror
I hate what's looking back
I'm always so anxious
on the verge of a panic attack
and when I send out messages
I fear they feel obligated to write back
Evan Robbins Sep 2015
I've been known to make mistakes ,from time to time
I'm hoping you're okay ,I hope everything is fine
I'm sorry I was mistaken  ,yes i was so blind
You mean so much to me
Anyone can see
Without you around
I'm feeling very down
Yeah I was such a ******* ******* not to know
old
Evan Robbins Jan 2012
old
I saw death
But he didn't see me
I cheated fate
yet still did I bleed
I bested life
but insanity won the war
I shouted to the deaf
but still i felt torn
I recieved the scourn of god
but it felt so odd
to be punished for being a man
I couldn't stand
to see you go
but you didn't show
me the best you could be
as far as i see
you didn't need me
Evan Robbins May 2015
Disconstructed and askew
Were in luck but also *******
Tangled chords with a birds eye view.
I see you naked , I see right through
Another dollar another day
Another ****** up old cliche
They say were here
but that's so vague
I can't appreciate my fate
when all is taken
all is lost
were going to make it
but at what cost
the cost is me
well me and you
we didn't get to make it through



What a joyous occasion.
The day we met
Our hands intertwined,like thick vines
I puffed on charcoal black smoke as it pierced my lungs,like a thousand tiny needles.
Your lipstick ran down my cheek leading a trail of a crimson crime scene.
Passion overly exposed,its so verbose,at least it is in my head.
The bed was off-center, the love wasn't tender but i felt like I needed to smoke.
Everything we did was questionable.
Everything you said  i referenced.
Why didn't I just leave.


This love is a distant vision.
I remember someone who looked just like you
This love is a deep incision
you used to care about me too
Our hearts were once together
Now they've quickly split into two
I'm lucky if I get half the attention
That you used to
You say that nothings changed
but sweetie I'm not blind
I miss the tender kisses
the words that were so kind
you used to wait for me like a puppy at the door
now i'm feeling lucky if you text me before 4
were stuck in the same day
repeating old fights
this love is a stab wound
baby you are the knife
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
Opened up a petal

That layed dormant and flat
She smiled and said
Well how about that?
I picked the rose for you
With the deepest of care
I showed you it’s color
Of thorns it was bare
Carefully I placed it
Between thick brown hair
I showed you a smile
For which you were not prepared
I took your hand and you took mine
The feeling of butterflies
Oh so divine.


    I’ve met you some where

In a place of dreams
Your furry and fluffy
and colored of cream
My kitten so sweet
So soft and so bright
Watching little paws
Watching kitty fight
Himself in the mirror
Or a string instead
You hold your little kitty
And he sleeps in your bed


  
    The winter comes and drops down

making all the children frown
They zip up jackets oh so tight
Hoping to prevent frost bite
They put on gloves and wool socks
they make little forts from ice blocks
Winter passes and spring returns
Look at all the pretty ferns
The flowers bloom and the bugs return
Fighting off the winters spurn
Spring ends and autumn is here
Look at the orange ,so queer
the trees leaves fall, and the pumpkins patch
the eggs have all come and hatched
Winter comes and the children rejoice
It’s seems the seasons have a voice.

    A tingle in your stomach

A thump in your chest
You nose feels funny
and your legs won’t rest
You see her and she sees you
Almost as natural as morning dew
Your nervous and sweating
The feeling that you might be regretting
A decision you’ll make to hold her hand
Hoping that she’ll understand
That you like her alot
A no one else
It’s more powerful than anything else
You’ve felt or seen before
You just can’t take it anymore
You grab her hand and she grabs yours
You love her and it can’t be ignored
But she loves you too
And you become so happy so unglued
You walk her home and say goodbye
She goes in and tries not to cry
You’ll miss her alot through the night
But never fret never fright
You’ll see her in the morning like every day

and the sadness will go away.
Evan Robbins Mar 2012
**** covered cloud
Come down from above
**** covered coud
Leaves **** flavored mud
I'm my lover now
that she's soiled in sick
I'd miss the other half
but she's dating a ****
he beats her and cheats her
he wheels and deals
He ghambles and rhambles
he lies and he steals
her black eye is healing
she's barfing again
the **** covered cloud
rains down her new men
she picks them all up
and lines them up slow
she gags and she chokes
like her mommy said so
she grows up abused
all tattered and torn
she gets tattoos and piercings
and a career in hard ****
Evan Robbins May 2015
The safest day
and the sanest way
are almost never the same
i could spend
everything
trying to prevent
losing all i have
but then i'd face
missing out
on all the scrapes and bruises
interaction never loses
you could take everyone
that you know
and push them all away
but would that make
them think any more or less of you?
or leave you feeling blue
my forte and the easy way
don't ever see eye to eye
sometimes i just want to cry
are our feelings just a lie?
Shut up miho
Evan Robbins Aug 2015
Sick Psalms in my Submarine
Praying to Neptune
At the center of the earth
Submerge and converge
My thoughts from my head
Isolation in a cabin bed
Weeks in solitude
The comfort of radars beep
Check the periscope
Eat Sleep Repeat
Evan Robbins Jan 2012
Virtually impossible I set my goals aside
Understanding your objectivity , I live my life with pride
I object to misdirect the world you live in fear
I refuse to believe in your truths ,to which you will adhere
Consequence to my defense you strive to see a lie
I hide behind the shattered dreams in my minds eye
Don't you care that I don't mind
I don't, who does?
It will , it was
I can't I won't
You do I don't
She,he,we,we,were
I shall save her.
Evan Robbins Nov 2011
Cursed by redemption
Blessed by ambition
I bring to my heart
The human condition
I breath so loud
To drown the sounds
Of soul crushing blows
When I cry she knows
But does she mind
I don't
The lies she wrote
I knew it , I knew it
I couldn't refrain
I blew it, I blew it
Words I should have contained
I broke her in half
I split her in two
With the words I spoke
and the words she knew
Evan Robbins Oct 2015
You think in French
I fancied German
Mein Herz brennt für Sie
Why can't we be?
Je ne vous connais pas vraiment
You lament
Over time bonds may come
Over time bonds may go
Over time bonds may strengthen
Over time bonds may grow
In life things need to be casual
Or at least that's what I'm told
"Be more ******* casual
Cause your personality really..it just gets old
You are just too friendly
That freaks people out"
But when I met you
I threw all those rules out
I talk to you as myself
With my words I don't stall
Maybe our two languages
Aren't so different after all.
Evan Robbins Jan 2014
I hate you
I really do
I ******* hate you
and everything you do
Wait
Did I say hate?
I meant your pretty cool
I feel like a tool
It's a sin
to let that slip in
but I should go now
I'm going to be late
I've got a hot date ...with my ...lady
but maybe
I'll give you a call
maybe next fall
It's been a while
Since I've felt...so infantile
I'm floating on air
Try not to stare
Evan Robbins Aug 2015
A question I have to ask
Has it always been like this
I've never felt so comfortable just happy to exist
now you tell theres a reason
a reason for your frown
well darling I'd pick up it all
to get out of this town
lets just run away
start brand new
**** all these *******
baby its me and you but...

You don't even know me
At least lets not forget
smiling at you was the least of my regrets
at least I could be depended on
at least I could be depended on

And everyday were striving for
Another new place to carry on
I just wanted to believe
That everyone gets what they want to achieve
Let's just run away
Start brand new
Another new place where we belong to but

you don't even know me
so babe lets not pretend
I just wanted someone new
to hold on to the end
to hold on to the end of it all

to hold on to ....the end
to hold on to ....the end
the end....of it all

run away , start brand new, baby lets pretend.
run away , start brand new, baby lets pretend.
Evan Robbins Jan 2016
Just one of these days
I'll take my own life
I'll live stream my death
For a fetish based on a knife
It's ironic statement
It isn't lost on me
Watch my blood drain
From your computer screen
I'm just a click away
don't you ******* look away
It's my show
My rules
My time to shine
My time to die
Too dumb to resent
Too old to cry

— The End —