I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay

I see my future as clear as my past.
Placed before me like a yellow brick road.
Unable to stray or turn back.
Stuck on a collision course with my own destiny.

I left happiness behind in the desert of down under.
Alone on a sunset cliff side awaiting a first kiss.
I stare back with a sad smile and black eyes.
Laughing being all I have left to do.

Laughing so hard I cry at life and it's changes.
Those I've left behind follow me on the yellow brick road.
With good reason they keep their distance,
Knowing what I am and what I'm capable of...

I used to use Facebook a lot.
Thankfully now its deleted
And my connection to the endless staircase of misinformation is severed.

But I would get on there,
Looking for something, almost obsessively. I would write clever poems and prolific pieces of philosophy, to be met time and time again by disappointment. I felt like just a mad man out rambling on the streets, no one taking him seriously, and even more just trying to avoid him.

So I left social media behind
But the longing for spiritual
And intellectual connection remained

Until I found myself here
Joined by like minded, thinking,
Feeling, people. And I take such joy in reading their thoughts, their joys, and their pains because I know its all real. Its all honest. So rare.

Pretty Little Pink,

all wrapped up in silk,

for me.

Beautiful you are,

a gift to gaze upon,

making the hunger grow inside.

My oh my,

you do look delectable, my dear;

and I am starving.

She may be broken now but the thing is

Her brokenness is strength,
seen as weakness by others,
it becomes one of her greatest strengths
It will bring forth a never-ending length
of inspiration, goals, and desires

Her brokenness is healing,
As her scars, wounds and
bruises begin to fade
a new sense of self,
one she is yet to be acquainted with emerges
Here she will realize
her brokenness is not what defines her,
but simply her will.

Greater than the eye of a storm,
her strength stretches further than
the roots of a grandmother willow
whom has bared generations on generation.

Like a baby who opens its eyes for the first time
Her eyes will squint and twinkle at the light of her true worth
She embraces the light, she soaks in the light,
she allows the light engulfs her for she now know who she is.

Giving was her weakness.
Giving was her strength.
In her light, she sees her power to control what to give,
who to give and when to give.
No longer will she give to those who only take from her
to those who only drain her.
She will give to those who fill her,
she gives to those who give to her
because they know the light of her worth.

The light of her worth
Her light
Her worth
Her

THE FIRST TIME


sometimes the sky's too blue
The stars are too bright
sometimes the very air we breathe is intoxicating.
I know this…. I know this.
She was just 18
I was only seventeen.
I was far too young
To be a safe place
But passion roared like a lion.
I was its slave.
She took me after the prom.
I swore I would die loving her.
That was not a lie.
But life is a ghost
A specter that returns to haunt you.
She told me she was pregnant.
I was overwhelmed’
I was frightened.
She left me
I went with her to the clinic.
I sat outside in the beat up Chevy.
She moved to LA far away from the tiny
town I lived in.

About fifteen years later
I saw her again
She came back for a class reunion
She saw me I was drinking a glass of wine
My heart stopped I felt a flashback.
She was angry at me I know
But I asked her to dance with me.
She finally accepted
And the ice melted
There is no one
who can take the place of the first --no one

She called me a *******
I agreed with her.
She said she hated me
I said I understand why.
She kissed me
And I kissed her back.


A year later
We walked into the fall park
Its beautiful foliage glowing in the evening sun
The twins were laughing in their stroller
I picked them up
And said
I love you guys so much
I will be here forever for you.
And she opened a door in the heart that  
She had saved just for me
And i walked inside.
I heard her close the door behind me
Locking me inside
She threw away the key
Into the urban jungle.
And I was safe here
Knowing I had found a place
That I would live forever
And I knew
That there is nothing
That can replace
The first time

It’s the basic brown eyes that have me hypnotized
The slightest thought of you suddenly makes me weak inside
Not knowing if it’s the fact that i know you or don’t know part of you at all that makes me want more
But i sure can’t wait to see what’s in store
And though i can’t quite put my finger on it something about you gets me going everyday
Sometimes i feel as if I’m not good enough for you but then it just makes me want to better myself for you in every way
And as all the thoughts run to my mind about you i start to smile then blush because I’m in love with that little smirk you do without even noticing it especially with certain words you say
All i know is if someone were to ask if this is the Love I’ve been wishing for then my answer is yeah.
It just may, be.

Give me a reason to hate you.
Everyone's been pointing out flaws,
yet I'm banking on the maybe that you can prove them wrong.
I can't live in this back and forth cycle of
being all that you want,
and nothing at all.
I sit here listening to you sing and it fills up my empty,
but I guess I've been your nothing for a while now.
Now she's in your bed
and suddenly, I'm no longer in your head.
It seems I'm only on your mind
when there can be no one else instead.
People have stopped asking about you.
They used to be able to tell when I thought about you.
I think they still can.
Maybe, that's why they stopped asking.
They used to tell me to fly out tomorrow,
but now,
they're telling me I need to get laid.

Give me a reason to hate you.

I'm trying to find one now,
but when I look at you,
all I see is cocoa eyes.
And though diabetes runs in the family,
I think you're sugar free.
It's been **** near six months
and this bitter taste you've left hasn't faded,
even though you have.
It seems all signs that once pointed your direction
have turned away,
the last one being this ******* connection
that just won't fade.

I was in a car accident last month.

As the car spun, I saw your face.

I called to tell you that I loved you,

and you sent me to voicemail.