at first,
she was just an old flame
hearing you speak her name burned through me
it burned like hot lava spewing from your lips
it burned hotter than one thousand suns
it burned me up inside.
that's the thing about old flames:
they can either burn out,
or ignite wildfires
and now I'm smoldering
I've burnt up.
the fire is out, suffocated
it cannot be rekindled.
there is no spark
there is no flame
there is only smoke
of a love lost
to a lust found

he says, "I want you."
but he means it in a different way.
I can't have the physical without the emotional
getting in the way.

I say, "I want you."
and it doesn't really matter.
He can't do emotions,
physical is his only factor.

I think
     if you left
          I would start
               smoking again.

update:
*I did...

You asked me once to write about you.
What would I write, though?
Words cannot capture your devilish grin
or the way your red hair shines.
Words can't tell of how you make me draw a breath
when you press your lips to mine.
Words do not begin to tell the story your eyes can with a simple glance.
Stories of regret and pain.
Stories that kept you from ever being the same.
I cannot find any words that would show the world
just how much you mean to me.
You are the moon and all the stars.
You light up my nights.
You are the sun, brightening my days.
You are every dream I have ever had
and every wish I have desperately whispered at 11:11.
You are more than any messy poem could ever convey.
Here is your poem, my darling.
I'm sorry it's not better, but the only words that even begin to explain how I feel are I love you.
I'm not sure how it happened, but I do.

Our lives were lit by headlights and perfumed of beer.
You tasted like smoke, intoxicating me deep in my bones.
You were the tattooed boy my mother told me to stay far away from
and my father hid that he related to.
Spending time with you was back pedaling into a hurricane of disappointments and bad decisions.

I wouldn't have traded you for the world.

I wanted to call and tell you I missed you.
But your voice was much too distant
and your words were the weakest thread.
I wanted you to cry that you had missed me too.
But the small talk and how you beens just beat around the truth.
I wanted to tell you I missed you,
but instead I'll just tell you,
the cold outside has snuck in
and settled in my head.

Chin up, says the blonde haired boy, you shouldn't look so sad.
Your mom and daddy love you, life can't be that bad.
Chin up, says the blonde haired boy, you shouldn't look so blue.
You're pretty as a picture. More girls should look like you.
Chin up, says the blonde haired boy, I like you when you smile.
I know the distance seems so great, but we are worth every mile.
Chin up, says the blonde haired boy, the time is passing fast.
Just a few more weeks and you'll be home, in my arms at last.
Chin up, says the blonde haired boy, you go your way and I'll go mine.
I'm sorry that it didn't work out, these things happen all the time.
Chin up, says the blonde haired boy, you shouldn't look so sad.