I want you to be happy.
You deserve the best.

"You’re the best."

Well, maybe I am.
Totally.
But I can’t love you best.
That’s what I’ve been trying to say.

I can’t be there for you
As much
Even if I care for you
As much
Because I don’t want you
Like that
And I don’t see us
As anything else
But
Friends.

You deserve the best
Kind of lovin’
And between you and me,
That’s not happenin’

Your smile
never ceases to shine even when
ominous weather clouds
hover above us relentlessly.

Your presence
Is always warm and comforting,
And never do I feel so safe, so protected than
When I am in your arms.

And everyday,
Every single day,
your love for me
makes me whole.

And then I wake up.

And the cold, hard truth
hits me.

I can only dream of you now.
I can only wish
On all my stars
to have you again.

Because the stars
Have hidden themselves away
And your arms
No longer wrap themselves
Around me.
Because your smile
Still shines as brightly,
but it’s no longer for me.
And I know
that when you see me,
all you see
Is this girl who left you
in pieces.

I want to pick up
All the fragments of
you I left behind
and
make you whole again.

To make me whole again.
If only you would let me…

Your breath
on my neck
but our hands
have never touched.
Your lips
on my lips
but our eyes
haven’t met yet.
You’re in my life
but you’re in hers
too.
This dream
or nightmare
must end.

All the nights I’ve spent huddled
in the dark,
in this room,
talking to you ceaselessly
about dreams and nightmares
and The Killers
are the best nights I’ve had
"with" you so far,
so much better than
that night I lit my cigarette with yours
so much better than
not remembering holding your arm
because we were wasted.
I love your brain
more than anything else.
Word *****, you and I.
I wish we could be like this
when mornings come.

I am lost
for words
for feelings
for everything in between you and what could be
for all that cannot be.

I am lost
in your eyes
in this confusion
in this complicated mix of delusions and false reassurances
in my own dreams and goals.

There are still a lot of things I need to prove
to you
to everyone else
and most especially, to myself.

As quickly as the ocean's waves turn themselves in
And as nimble as the ballerina making her final spin

As timely as the spring flowers come to life
And as melancholy as tonight

As agile as the lion's prey
And as doomed as the words I could never say

I love you, I love you
With as much blood as my heart can take
With as much breath as my lungs can contain
and let go.
Infinite.

I love you, I love you
With as much width as these tiny hands can hold,
With as much as steps these feet can muster
Limitless.

I love you, I love you
With as much time as this universe has.
*Boundless.

Room 20: Emergency Room

She is lying there,
Barely breathing
With a heart barely beating enough
To keep her alive.
All the tubes, wires, and prayers
Are fueling her soul to hold on.
"Please, don't leave us."
And then,
The sound they've all been dreading.
The endless beeping echo of death
Resounding in a room full of
Regret, anger, and relief.
"She's in a better place now."

Room 22: Stroke

He keeps on saying
He feels better
Ready to go home
100%!
All the while,
His wife's patience is dwindling.
"I'm all he's got now.
I can't leave him."
They're 70 years old,
Married for 45.
45 years and a ruptured artery
A plaque on his heart
And a boxful of God-knows-what drugs
She still holds his hand
Even when her own heart
Is heavy.

Room 24: Cancer

Maria went through three cycles in past the months
Three excruciating cycles of chemotherapy
They tell you the anti-emetics will reduce the side effects.
When you're 65-years old
And all alone,
And cancer is swimming in your veins,
What else do you hold on to?
These are the side effects:
You lie awake at night
Wishing you lived a better life
Wishing you didn't shut everyone out
You should've married
You should've spent more time living
Instead of merely surviving
"You're a survivor."
But what good is surviving when pain comes with it--
The type of pain
No medication
Can take away?

Room 25: Beauty

I am a mother of two.
A boy and girl.
Beautiful
Is what they call me.
I'm looking at my daughter,
And..
And if only I accepted her,
For what she was
For what she wasn't
Then we wouldn't be here.
Tragic
Defiled.
I took her to the Dermatologist
To fix what wasn't broken
She injected her with chemicals
That would heal her
But a horrible allergic reaction ensued.
I should've seen how
Beautiful my baby was.

Room 26: Prostate

Everybody loves him.
Even all his 20 kids
Whose mothers he can barely memorize.
I honestly don't know how many wives he has.
I don't even know how many
He has actually married.
All I know is this:
I am his current wife.
At 71,
His body doesn't work right
anymore.
At 31,
I have needs
He could no longer meet.
But I love him.

Room 27: Not For Admission**

I am dark & desolate
I am hungry
For souls that need shelter
And tears that need hiding
I've seen enough deaths to even care how I'd look.
My paint is almost drying up,
My walls are almost ready
I can't wait for the next story.