You weren't a waste of time
You showed me that what we had was possible
You showed me that this feeling is out there

I refuse to settle
I've touched gold
I will no longer settle
for slate

I am not god fearing
I am not one to condemn others to hell
Nor flirt with angels

But
there's something about us
something that I cannot describe

Because
ever since the first night we've met

Fate is all I can think about

I was never one to look past flaws
and many have come before you

Yet
you were different
you weren't perfect
you swore
you snored
you weren't always nice

But
I would take 100 bad days with you
over 1 good day with anyone else

Never feeling
is not hard
Never loving
is not hard

But when the corners of his lips smiled
my world fell from those lips

Feeling
is hard
Loving
is hard

I am
not easy
You
are not the sun

But together
we are the whole **** universe

Our paths have crossed
but not for long

for our time has not yet come

The oceans have converged between us
and I no longer remember your voice

but I know for certain

that we will meet again
under the hanging gardens
of Babylon

When he looks at you
with his big blue eyes
filled empty horizons

and tells you he is
sorry

leave

run

and don't come back

because a year later
he will put his hands on you once more

I emptied my entire being into your soul
hoping to fill a part of you long left barren

I watered your mind with my tears
hoping to grow a garden

Yet when spring came along
and the flowers had bloomed
and your soul had blossomed

I was left
nothing more
than forgotten

When he leaves
let him

and when he's gone
don't let your love dwindle

for no one can take away love

for all creeks empty into the ocean

When he tells you love isn't real

leave
run and don't look back

I miss seeing you
between coffee stains

I miss hearing your
voice through silent films

I miss feeling your heart
through my chest


I hope she see's you through coffee stains
and listens for your voice during silent films

but most of all
I hope she feels your heart
in ways I never did

I selfishly professed to you
that my teenage mind
can not process the idea of Love

Yet at 4 am
laying on your chest watching it rise

I understood

Love is wanting to be apart of something bigger than yourself

that night at 5 am as the sun began to rise
I want to intertwine my hands with yours
and become one

that morning at 6 am I fell in love

I want to give you every single broken part of me
not so you could place my broken pieces into place
but so you can see the scars on my rib cage and the ruins in my heart

I want to be intertwined, you within me
not to feel the momentary glimpse of heaven
but for us to envelope each others bodies
filling empty creases

I want to dissolve into your chest
not to rest my mind and forget the days strife
but to feel your heart beating on my mind
creating our own rhythm

I want to live under your bed sheets
not to hide from the world encompassing us
but to create our own kingdom
where our memories will live

I don't believe in God
and I don't believe in fate

But there was something special about the first time I saw you
Something that I couldn't and will never be able to explain

I feel you with every fiber of my being
I feel you in my hallowed bones

I had not known true warmth until I heard your voice

E.R.

Fall to deeply

Fly to high

Search for answers in the wrong people

But there is something poetic in our strife
there is something so pure in feeling so deeply
that our love consumes our very being

E.R.

Slipping further down
the rabbit hole


"Everything's been good, thanks for asking"

Yet when all is done
when the last breath is sitting on my tongue

I hope to remember the riptide
the summer
and how I chose to save myself

I'm afraid
of how it will be when you come back

I've glorified a relationship
which at one point I deserted

Yet I have idolized our time

and when You return
what if it's still the same

or even worse what if our roles have reversed

I hope that your deep eyes and crooked smile
have not been interrupted by our intermission

and I hope you wont let me down
again
like last December

I will never forget
being 5 years old

telling my mother that I just felt sad
for no reason

I'd like to think
that I am special

That I am the only one
who will make it

That I am not a statistic

Yet here I sit
procrastinating the idea of procrastination

To tired to be
anything more then a shell

At this point
My feelings are bare

I have shown all my cards

I have given you my all


and if this doesn't work out

I will be left a tin man
with no heart

Now I sit here
under the sun

having given you my lungs

unable to scream out for help
as the waves pull me in

I miss the hands I do not know
I cry for the love I have not yet felt
My fingers reach for hands they have yet to be intertwined with

Forever nostalgic
for feelings not yet felt

Stuck in the cement
as it starts to rain flowers

Watching them dance around me

stuck in the present
unable to
dance with the flowers

I lost you
because I didn't share the lust you did

And now I'm stuck in a paradox of emotions

And my best friend is no longer there

to see me through the dark

Promise you'll come back
And I'll promise I won't get scared

7 pounds you say
is all I need to be perfect

7 pounds of love
7 pounds of intelligence
7 pounds who've comforted me when you weren't here

There's only so many "sorry's" I could say
At a certain point you need to decide
if what we had, is worth fighting for

I sit here
Crying and Studying

My mother cooks in the kitchen
My brother watches TV
My father is on the computer

and I'm crying

My walls are paper thin
yet I no longer hear your voice

I think it scares you

I think you wish you could forget me

I think you wish her eyes were mine

I think every time we talk, you're scared

I think you know that I would hurt you again

I think the two years we shared haunts you

I find you between the pages of textbooks
I see you in Christmas lights

My past and present is skewed
and I don't know if tomorrow is yesterday

And you thrusted your last knife into my chest

As the thick red water poured out of my body

                                            I laughed

You always did love the rain

Everyday since our last you have been a constant reminder of my mistakes.

Dear boy with so much ahead,
I wish you would accept my apologies and take me with you

Dear boy with tanned skin,
You took my innocence and left me in the dark

Dear boy whose stopped loving me,
I wasn't able to save you not because I didn't want to, but I wasn't done saving myself

Dear boy who found love in someone else,
I want you to come back if something goes wrong
                                                           ­                               
                                                                ­                            I'm sorry

-E.R.

My hollowed eyes can't see tomorrow
My skin won’t grasp tomorrows light

You left me in the storm
You left me in the river mud

Buried me, beneath your secrets
And left.

Now I lay
Beneath the Stars

Now I lay
Now I lay
Now I lay

You are no longer I
and I no longer you

For tomorrows light won’t meet my skin

Yet the comfort I am left with
is that I am no longer
a shell floating above the water

I am the river.

E.R.

I think for the first time in my life
I am scared of tomorrow

But this tomorrow isn't something that hides in my closet
It isn't something that my mother can scare away

Tomorrow is something that hits you before you know it

Tomorrow is like breaking your leg the day before a marathon

The sun sets outside my window
As it rises outside yours

I feel your hands around me as it snows
As the wave envelopes your bronzed arms

And I can't believe you're not here
And I can't believe I let you leave

I pray everyday that you aren't the one
I pray everyday that I haven't found my soul mate so soon

Because that would mean that I lost my only chance of having my other half

So please when you get back
Try to remember the
christmas lights
the swing set
and me

Gripping on to
Tomorrow
When I am unable to hold on to
Today

This house still feels shattered
no matter what day

Yet holding on
to something tangible
Makes me think you could have stayed

For today is not tomorrow
And yesterday is
not today

E.R.

Why I ramble when I'm nervous
2. Why I'm so bad at Spanish and Math
3. Why I pick fights with my mother
4. Why my hands are always cold
5. Why I feel like I'm alone
6. Why I am such a cliche
7. Why I let you go
8. In reference to number 7 refer to number 6

It's sad to think
that you have never touched this new skin

You haven't touched
these new palms

It's sad to think
I haven't see the inside of your car
since the summer

I haven't heard
your laugh
since the sun kissed my cheeks

Sitting here
in the dark
enveloped in a physical and metaphorical storm
I can't help but feel an ironic need for your lips
your embrace

And these cape cod skies wont bring you back
And these raindrops that race down my window wont bring you back
And my sorry means as much as my love

and to you it doesn't mean as much

E.R.

They say children of divorce
grow up emotionally divided

They say that a child of divorce struggles to understand love

My mother and father stopped loving each other on my 5th birthday
with Popsicle stained lips and bruised knees
I said goodbye to my father

Now 12 years later
I do not feel divided
I feel scared
I feel that love is a monster hiding in my closet
and there is no one here to tell me that monsters don't exist

E.R.

The sun kisses your shoulders
The warm sun endlessly embraces you

I send you endless apologies
And a never ending stream of "I love you's"

I can only hope you find someone
that truly loves your freckles
and your annoying crooked smile
and the way you constantly made me question my opinions

Because at the end of the day
I am no longer there to be held by the love of my life
and I can only wish you to understand why

E.R.

I left
I ran

It rained
It snowed

and I never called
never reached out for you

and when I did
it was too late

You moved on

Once a vibrant red
Now Grey


E.R.

He erased your imprints on my hips

He striped me of your embraces

He dug his knives into my skin
and uprooted the flowers you planted in my chest

He unearthed the love you left in bones

the garden of Eden

now the Sahara

E.R.

because I have an SAT math class
in an hour

and all I can think about is you

and I'm tired

and it's only 2:25 in the afternoon

and you don't love me anymore

and I want to forget

and I want to remember

E.R.

You described your love for me as scary
Something that woke up little children at night, whimpering to their mothers.

You describe my reaction to your saddest story as cold
Like a forest dead and quite in the winter

I left you alone in the cold dead forest, scared and lonely

I left you quietly in the dead of night

I send to you endless amounts of sorrys
I hope that they might come in handy in the dark

ER

I'm attached to those I do not know
faces I have yet to memorize
places I have yet to experience

I long things I do not know
objects I have never had
emotions I have only read about in books

Full of faces,places, and emotions
I have never seen

a small boat
in a dried up ocean

E.R.

Conversations
changed like tidal  waves
we entered thrilled and nervous
clenching new book bags
and praying freshman friday didn't exist

Now I enter
scared
clenching my hopes and dreams
weighing my gpa
and my options
praying I will be proven worthy of acceptance

Yet I can not shake the feeling
of not learning
who I was
who I am
or who I want to be

does my diploma fill
the absence of my growth

E.R.

If you are unsure
set them free.

If you do not love
let go.

told over and over again.

I love you
do you love me?

No response
is that enough?

I am unsure
I am silly
I am young
I am dazed

Is that enough of an answer?

E.R.

3 bestfriends entered elementary school
with cherry ice pop stained lips
laughing all day, smiling all night
pictures taken by soccer moms

3 best friends entered middle school
with lip gloss painted lips
trying to impress the opposite ***, fake smiles all night
pictures taken by PTA mothers

3 girls entered high school
with smoke stained lips and cuts on their wrists
trying to keep alive, no smiles were shown
mamas no longer taken pictures

3 girls left for college
with alcohol stained breath, and a packed car
trying to find themselves
mamas no longer there

E.R.

all of the broken dreams
the never said goodbyes
the never was friend

and you are left alone
a whole
broken person
just a piece of matter

and you are set adrift
once again trying to find the rest of you

E.R.