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Jun 2013 · 499
Addiction
Disclosed Jun 2013
I'm and addict
A condition which can not be cured

Pain
Sadness
Self Hatred
are my drugs

But,
I have no reason to be sad
no reason to feel pain

I am not dying from hunger
I am not abused

There is no abuser
Because I take on that role

I thrive in pain

E.R.
May 2013 · 1.0k
Dreadfully ignorant
Disclosed May 2013
I asked my Momma
How do big girls kiss?
She said she didn't know

I asked my Momma
Why do big girls wear thongs?
She said she didn't know

I told my Momma
I'm going to be the first women astronaut president
She said of course you will baby

I asked my Momma
Why do big girls fight with their Mommas?
She said because they don't know better

Do I know better I asked my Momma
Of course you do baby she said

Now I know how big girls kiss
Now I know why we wear thongs
Now I know I won't be the first women president astronaut

Now I don't ask my mother questions

I am the big girl
I am that girl who fights with her momma
May 2013 · 480
Mommy
Disclosed May 2013
Honestly
It's sad
That when we talk
It's about school
And when we fight
you blame me

Please mom
look at yourself

Before physco analyzing me
May 2013 · 365
ASL
Disclosed May 2013
ASL
Help
I might be broken

Help
I might be lost

Help
I might be a dreamer

Help
I might hate myself

I'm here to help
says no one.
May 2013 · 762
The drill sergeant , mom?
Disclosed May 2013
"be quiet
be polite
behave in public!
don't yell

get good grades

how come you never go out?
you go out way too much, focus on school"


never was a good soldier
never did  belong in a bungalo
May 2013 · 316
Deep as I go
Disclosed May 2013
Its there
it'll always be there
it's always been there

Nothing
of this magnitude
just
develops

the deep hate
the abhorrence for my breath

the saddest thing
seeing my chest rise and fall

the immense
cloud
black
smoke
fills my mind

it doesn't just develop
its always been
here.

          ER.
Apr 2013 · 3.2k
The last good guy
Disclosed Apr 2013
Laughter,
is the best medicine for a broken heart.

Making you my pharmacist.
Laughter fighting pain.

You're different,
with your blonde hair
and blue eyes.

You're laughter isn't driven by lust

I think you might actually care.

Please me different.
Please be kind.
Never fragile or otherwise.

Please don't break me apart,
I can't live through another one of those.
Mar 2013 · 563
Expire
Disclosed Mar 2013
Numbers.
Dates.
That's all people are.

Births.
Deaths.

Expiration dates.

We all expire.
different dates.

deaths incommon.

Numbers
Figures
Equations

Expiration Date.

        ER.
Mar 2013 · 765
Amnesiac
Disclosed Mar 2013
Memories,
are confusing
are not kind
are fleeting.

Memories,
are painful.
I forgot your touch.
I forgot your kiss.
Your face.
Your smile.

Then I saw you.
Exchanged a knowing smile.

They all came back.
The good times.
The bad times.
The times when I thought I was completely in love.

in lust.

So when I say,
Memories are hard.

believe me.

                ER.
Mar 2013 · 338
One Day
Disclosed Mar 2013
Mom,
I'm sorry.

I can't help it.
I just don't think.
I get so angry.
I say things
that no one should say.

You
have given up everything for me
You
raised me on your own

Mom
Im sorry
I'll change
Give me time

One day,
we'll look back
and laugh.

I promise.

Don't give up on me mommy.

I'm changing.
I'm just not there yet.
Mar 2013 · 869
Allegory
Disclosed Mar 2013
The thing is,
people change.

Every morning we awake to a new sky
Every day we are greeted by a new breeze

New.

Everyday you meet yourself again.
and again.

I met you again today.
You weren't the same.

Tall
Skinny
Lanky
Bags under your eyes.

You looked worn
not new.
Not like you've just met yourself.

You looked old
worn
dying

dead.



      ER.
Mar 2013 · 445
Perfect sick mind
Disclosed Mar 2013
Two lives
can they co exist as one?

No.
What a silly question.

Two worlds
different in nature
in interaction
can
not.

Never.

And that's the truth
End of.
Nothing more
Nothing less

And the problem is
that you already no this.

Yet you still cannot let go of one
because you're afraid.

Afraid of
drugs
school
emotions

So instead of choosing one
you're up till 4 am
dealing with
a mind
a sick
brain
quite literally.
Mar 2013 · 430
Sorry
Disclosed Mar 2013
I set you free
Don't you realize that?
silly boy
stupid.

I released you from my grip
I let you experience your life to the fullest
I changed it for the better

What a tragedy it would've been
If I would've kept pretending
Lying
Playing make believe
Telling you that I love you as much as you loved me

Im sorry
You're broken

I'm sorry
I'm broken

I can't fix you
When there's no one to fix me.
Mar 2013 · 595
Excuses
Disclosed Mar 2013
I think we like the idea of love

Feverish kisses
long embraces
fingers down my spine
physical contact
emotional contact

But
no one ever tells you about the hurt
the long nights spent crying
the ache of nothingness
of knowing that you are nothing
with out them

That's all love is
an Idea
a fantasy
a fairy tale

Well there are no such things as fairy tales
no fantasy
no romance

There is not knight in shinning armor
No princess in a tower
No evil witch
No dragon

But
there is us
and you are not my knight in shinning armor
and I am not a princess in a tower
and she's not a witch
and he's not a dragon

No magic
No romance
*** does not entail an emotional connection

I'm sorry Baby
this is not
a kingdom far far away
Mar 2013 · 281
Blank;Free
Disclosed Mar 2013
I'm gone
dead.
dying.

Memories
gone
Feelings
gone
Love
gon­e
Hope
gone

I'm gone
dead.
d
   y
      i
        n
           g.
Mar 2013 · 274
Done
Disclosed Mar 2013
Too quick
                               s
                           e
                        p
                     o
I get my h  up

Too often
I let *myself
    d
                              o
           ­                      w
                                     n
I'm done
it's over
finished.
                                              ­  Maybe
                                                   if I keep telling myself this,
                                                           ­            one day I'll believe it.

ER.
Mar 2013 · 1.0k
Poem for English H
Disclosed Mar 2013
Miss Yon said,

        Relax and just let it all out,
         don't worry edit later.
         Become the words on the paper,
         and then it will be great.
        Miss Yon Said

The fall is thick but,
winter is thicker.
In those months of thickness,
in my house,
with blurry figures and smiling faces,
I blow on a cake with sixteen candles.
Yet I do not know where I am.
A gypsy of sorts.
A house is not necessarily always a home.
And my heat is lost to a room,
with nothing to hold in it.
Should my father's home be a more suitable location?
but she loves me
Should my mother’s home hold more warmth?
but he loves me
To some their homes are like the sun providing comfort and warmth.
But to others like me,
our home is but an iceberg,
melting.
m
   e
     l
       t
        i
          n
              g
gone.

You know it's not easy to read a compass lacking north.
Constantly wondering where you're headed
is not fun.
My best dish is logic,
served cold.
I wake up half dead,
or alive,
to things easily confused.
But being cold is bitter,
stiff,
I am unbreakable.
I am what I experience,
I am what I see,
I am who I speak to.
I am cold.
I am unsure.
To others who underestimate me,
I am ditsy,
I am just a blonde,
I am warm,
I am funny,
not smart.
not anything that could be valued.
not someone productive.
Identity is a crisis
and we are all in it.

This is my page for English H.
Feb 2013 · 382
Love
Disclosed Feb 2013
The great thing about love is that you fall in and out of it
The high it gives you is unbeatable,
but one is unable to live on this constant high.

This is essentially at its core why love is so magical
A person can not live on this constant high because love is not constant
It has it’s days were you feel like nothing or no one can touch you
like you can sore next to the tallest buildings,
but love also brings the greatest sadness which even wars have been started over

In a nutshell, humans are in love with love
the feeling of being encased in something which contains no boundaries,
sparks something magical.
Jan 2013 · 539
Lust vs. Love
Disclosed Jan 2013
He kissed me
You embraced me

He slithered his arm up my skirt
You asked if I was cold

His kiss was filled with passion
Your kiss was filled with hope

He poisoned my veins with lust
You fed me from the tree of knowledge

His scent was commercial
Your scent was raw; shocking me back to reality

I left him.
                  You left me.



ER.
Dec 2012 · 588
Sorry
Disclosed Dec 2012
I'm sorry I'm not smart enough
I'm sorry I'm still in high school
I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough
I'm sorry I'm not 2 years older

But I cant change any of it

And
I'm sorry you can't accept me
I'm sorry your nose is crooked
I'm sorry you have a crooked smile
I'm sorry you lead me on
I'm sorry for hurting you last summer

But I love you

and
       I'm sorry
                         you don't feel the same
Dec 2012 · 404
Done
Disclosed Dec 2012
I'm done waiting
All I seem to do is wait

Wait for the sun to rise;to set
Wait for the stars to shine
Wait for my grades to improve
Wait for my depression to release its grip on me

I'm stuck in life's waiting room

I will no longer wait for the sun to rise; to set
I will no longer wait for the stars to shine
I will no longer wait for my grades to improve
I will no longer wait for my depression to release its grip on me

And I will certainly not wait for the time to be right
as it seems to never be.

Instead I will make time right

And I will force my self to understand;
that in order to find my self I must fall
and hopefully if I have done something right
and have stopped waiting for something that no longer exists

You will catch me.
Dec 2012 · 371
That night
Disclosed Dec 2012
Driving around
Laughing
Smiling
Talking about the future
Eating
Breathing

It was perfect
the glimmer of your eyes
the way you asked if I was okay when I fell silent
the way we had a 20 minute discussion on christmas lights


It was all perfect
Dec 2012 · 353
That night
Disclosed Dec 2012
Driving around
Laughing
Smiling
Talking about the future
Eating
Breathing

It was perfect
the glimmer of your eyes
the way you asked if I was okay when I fell silent
the way we had a 20 minute discussion on christmas lights


It was all perfect
Dec 2012 · 645
2 weeks
Disclosed Dec 2012
You'll be gone,

2 hours,
your shadow will have subsided

2 minutes,
your imprint will have faded from my bed

10 seconds,
your coffee will be cold

5 seconds,
the dog will stop barking for you

2 months,
till you will be back

Forever,
until I stop missing you
    
  ER.
Dec 2012 · 1.2k
Equal
Disclosed Dec 2012
My love is greater
it  is grand

My love out shines the stars;
they are terribly jealous, stars never seem to be kind

My love is deeper,
than all the oceans and seas combined

Your love,
is empty.

Your love,
is dim.

Your love does not,
out shine the stars.
Nor does it even compare to the depth of the oceans and seas.

It does not exist.

yet I want it so badly.

  ER.
Dec 2012 · 312
Distance
Disclosed Dec 2012
I feel you next to me
you are not here
Your head is placed upon my chest
my chest is empty
My hands are running through your hair
my arms hang beside me
We go back and forth; verbally dancing
An empty expression sits upon my dull face

My phone rings
**it's not you.
Nov 2012 · 3.3k
Baby Brother
Disclosed Nov 2012
It scares the **** out of me
Knowing that one day you'll be a teenager
Talking back to mom,
blasting music in your room,
Lying about grades,
stressing over college.


But promise me,
promise me you'll try to be nice to mommy.
At least nicer than I was.
She really means the best.


Promise,
that you'll be a good student,
don't leave things to the last minute.
Trust me I learned it the hard way.

Please baby,
be a good person.
Nov 2012 · 5.8k
worthless
Disclosed Nov 2012
Completely worthless.
wonder why you’re still here
How can you still be here when you have no purpose
Failing to please even yourself
every time.

Why
Why are you still here
You can’t find a reason to go on.
But you sit there and endure life anyway.
Nov 2012 · 1.2k
Eating Disorder
Disclosed Nov 2012
Crying because a normal meal is placed in front of you.
Eat or you die.
Wanting to die
Wanting to feel deaths warm embrace.

Your body wants to live,
it wants to eat.
You want to eat but you’re terrified.
Terrified of being anything but empty.

But you need to
you need to eat.
Nov 2012 · 1.3k
Sure
Disclosed Nov 2012
As sure as day changes to night,
I understand.

We will soon forget the love shared
the midnight conversations
the 'good mornings'
the 'good nights'
the wasted 'I love you's'

And I will forget your crooked smile
And you will forget my lame attempts to get through a joke without laughing

Sure is what I am.

ER.
Disclosed Nov 2012
When you've brushed your alcohol ridden teeth
When last nights lust has long gone
When the sun is awakened and you must face mornings strife

Will your kisses still be filled with passion
Or does the morning signal more than the nights lust
Does it awaken rebirth?
Does it mean that once you are rid of alcohol

You are rid of me?
                                                                                                                                            ER.
Nov 2012 · 2.3k
Mistakes
Disclosed Nov 2012
Your lips touching mine,
was a mistake.
Allowing myself to weep over something so trivial,
was a mistake.
Laying at night and wondering how long I'd live feeling this way,
was a mistake.
Loosing myself in order to find myself,
was a mistake.
But,
I will make better mistakes tomorrow.
          
             ER.
Nov 2012 · 4.0k
Holding On
Disclosed Nov 2012
I kiss you and it seems like the stars shine for us and waves crash along the musky shores for us
But then I realize, the us that once sent my stomach in a frenzy of butterflies
is not the same.
And I find my self holding on to something that does not exist.
And I cry.
My tears are an ode to a person who I've loved so long but with every fiber of my being I know,no longer exists.
People change.
Your smile has changed.

We met at the wrong time,
at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Maybe,
Years from now,
We'll meet again, in some extraordinary way.
And love with be rekindled.
And your smile will be the same.
And I won't spend time wondering if you are my way of compensating with a love deficit.

                               ER.

— The End —