Tell me what you had for dinner and what you and your mom debated about across the table.
Tell me how every time she cooks alone you wonder what your dad would look like with his hands across her hips
like he used to do when they were in love.
Tell me how you don’t believe in love anymore.
Tell me how everything that is whole can be torn apart.
How you have transformed yourself from a plain block into a Rubix cube emerging from the perpetual change in your life.
How the colours no longer match on any side
no matter how many times you try to turn things around
You don’t know what to believe in
anymore.
Tell me you believe in her.
Tell me how hard it is to stay together and how hard it is to stay apart.
Tell me how you hate sleeping with someone beside you but you hugged her tightly in the middle of the night because even in your dreams you were scared to lose her.
Lately her side of the bed has only had your shadows surrounding it.
They wonder if she’ll be back or if they should change their address to your bed frame and tell the mail man to forward any letters meant for her to an address where the only kisses that wake her up are the ones that nameless men use to thank her for the night before.
The ones
That’s the thing about the calm after the storm, is it happiness or just relief.

I could've had a murderers hands wrapped around my waist and still have felt warmth seeping into my cold blood. That's how much I crave to be held by someone who wants me.

.
**Crushes or
infatuations
•••don't last
••••this long.
•They're never
••this intense
•••••Never
this strong.
••I am in
thought,
••all day
and all night.
•••••Through
•••••moments of
••••••triumph and
•deepest, darkest fright.
•••I see you in all there is,
•••••I see you in everything.
••••••••Living in the present
••••but for the future I'm hoping
•••You calm and get me all riled up
••••••••••••••••at the same time.
••••••••••••You exist in metaphors,
••••••••••••••••••broken sentences
•••••••••••••and time worn rhymes.
•••••••••••••••••You give me life
••••••••••••••and take my breath
•••••••••••away altogether.
•••••••••You hold the key
to my erratic emotional lever.
•••••••••••You fill me full
••••••••••but empty me out
••••••••••••simultaneously.
••••You make me want to be
•••••••••••someone else
••••••••as well as being me.
••••••Paradoxes of the heart
•••they can never be quelled.
••••When hopes and odds
••try to be one and meld.
•••••This is how I know
••••••••that this is real.
•••••••••••••I'm truly,
•••••••••madly, deeply
••••••in love with you
•and it's all that I feel.

I talked to a new guy today.
He charmed me with quick lines
and made me dream again.
Made me think about our hands intertwined
and soft good morning kisses.

The butterflies were gone for months after you.
It's as though they longed to explore other stomachs.
They left when we didn't work out and
I lost the best feelings along with your smile.

I always fall in love too quickly and
fall out of it as though I'm a slinky
           in    
                     and
                           out      
                     of
         hearts.
I swear I wanted to stay, but "it's for the best"
at least that's what I told you while I was pretending to not cry.

And yet again,
I've promised another one I would stay.

And I've lost focus of everything...
That matters anyways
Because the image of your lips
Softly trailing from my neck
To hers.
Is too engraved in my mind.
And I wish your lips
We're still engraved on my skin,
But the light brush work has
Worn off.
And now all I have is his lips,
That always feel like rocks
Probably from all that whiskey.
We've both had too much.
I just can't stop drinking of you.

I know you're not the one. But I'm lonely and a kiss is a kiss.