hello?
you there…?
i can’t hear you!
we haven’t talked in a while, it’s true.
thought i’d remind you - the rent is due.
maybe… have a shower, or two?

i wanted to -
let you -
know that i haven’t given up on you.
though i’ll admit, it took a lot of work -
to finally get through to you.

it was brave what you did,
and stupid at the same time;
thinking you could make the climb,
holding on to your gratuitous rhymes.

it takes a while to see what's wrong
with all the ways you've known all along;
it never hurts to take a little detour -
ask for help, when you're not too sure.

don’t be too ******* yourself,
take it easy.
not everyone will see, or get,
what you see.
move around -
pick up a book -
or better, a blank page.
let your purpose take the center stage.

just one thing before i go,
perhaps, it’s good to let a few things go.  
anyway,
thought you could use some counseling.
come to think of it,
were you even listening?
hello?
you there…?

a nervous 𝘵𝘴𝘬 of the lips
a little drop of sweat bulging at the neck
an eyelid flickering way too much
a mind that won’t change
a pillow that reeks of salt
a photograph of a distant memory
a fly buzzing around the plasma tube light
a buzz that won’t go away

a switch that won’t turn off
a stain that won’t dust off
a walk that’s unusual for the age
a kid who refuses to play

it’s the little things that give you away

i'm still running, running fast;
i'm running fast... i'm running fast -
this was never meant to last!

shall i compare myself to others every day?
they are more charming, and more talented:
tough luck does take its toll; often too hefty to pay,
and the bill of regrets is way past its due date;
sometimes too hot the baton of pride burns inside,
and often in a sea of mediocrity naked, i swim;
and every ball from ball sometimes drops,
by a poet in his underpants, and *****, untrimm’d;
but my eternal hard-on shall not fade,
nor lose faith inside the hole i bore’st;
nor shall spite keep me from dues unpaid,
when that eternal hard-on in time so grow’st:
so long as i can sing, profoundly and care-free,
so long lives this - it’s a fun read, won’t you agree?

i shudder to heed the animal i’ve become:
once a wolf untamed -
now a lost puppy, squealing for his mum.

a saintly pelican, i thought meself back in the day,
with a bill so big as my heart would weigh;  
now, but a vulture feeding on the remains
of unfortunate cows: with a crooked bill, i prey.

a scorpion’s sting could go in vain
on skin like a crocodile’s - that’s proof of pain.  
a chicken on the run?... or the bloodhound that caught her?  
nah - more like a pig for slaughter.

a rattlesnake in hiding with its venom depleted,
i long to emerge a phoenix: find my mission, then complete it.
purge meself of the twisted worm:
eat it - like a songbird, mistreated.

a lion on the prowl, i show no remorse.
i sail like a shark that's long been defeated.  
anyway - i should get off my high horse;
the parasite’s more... deep-seated.

give me a break!
sometimes, it’s too much to take.
the winds have not been kind to me,
for i am the dark horse in your wicked games.

i’m making my way, often slaving away
given a chance to start over,
i’d choose not to play.

‘it is what it is’, i say, and let it be.
i sacrificed my youth at the altar of perfection, thinking,
‘how bad can it be?’

i try to be, more than eyes can see.
but I’m just a shadow of a terrified kid,
hiding behind my fallen dreams.

it’s all so dull, the colours have faded -
i couldn’t do much when the demons invaded.
i’ve been dragging their chains for far too long,
never whole, never free.
i’m sorry!
i’m just not used to it, like i used to be.  

yet i see a light, though not as bright
it flickers every night, telling me to put up a fight.
i must protect it from the ungodly winds,
lest it should die somewhere deep inside.  

but i'm only human, my friend.
please don't be so ******* me.
i'm tired of losing sleep over
the promises I could never keep.
there's no way out, it seems.
guess i'm in too deep.
**** it!
i’d rather be the dark horse
than the black sheep.

do me a favour,
please don't lose your faith in me!
i locked away the things i loved,
and now i can't seem to find the key.
i'll be back before you know it,
ready to go again, on the count of three.
just give me a break!
i’m not used to it, like i used to be.

jolly coke cans racked;
shoppers go quietly by -
all bubbly inside.

if i were to find my place in this world -
i’d rather it be on a mountain top,
or the bottom of the sea;
somewhere - where my silence is not a bother to me,
where the voices cannot travel to tell me i don’t belong -
or that i need a voice.
i’m not sure what i’ll do there, though.
but i think i know -
i’d bring a laptop with me;
a broken one.
and i would punch away at its keys with my fingers -  
my poems, all my poems…
again,
and again,
and again…
for years, for ages
until the rhythms girdle into a symphony;
something only i could sing,
something only my heart would know,
something familiar.

and then i would cast it out into the darkness -  
where it belongs.

a glass of bourbon
unspent napkins on the side
the cheque is written

'choice' -
it's a weird impulse.
i did not choose to write this,
clearly.