Life is like a busy airport
           Friends come and go
Life has delays or cancellations
          You leave your baggage behind
                ALWAYS
Sit and wait for a fantasy destination
                
                     In the end
You will SOAR high in the sky
                Even if it wasn’t in the expected flight of passage...

So beautiful
White and Shimmery, They
flutter in meandering patterns
Mesmerize
Draw you towards
paper-white butterflies
all all all all around me they fly fly fly fly
A sea of white spots
IT'S HARD TO-

Tilt your head up
-BREATHE, breathe, Focus
Catch one
****** it by its wings
pluck them out
Crush its shaking body
Feel
as panicked convulsions turn into stillness

Paper-white butterflies
Don't let a single one slip by

I've stated it right away,
At the top of the page and my lungs,
a simple guideline:
"not about love"

Obviously,
that desperate rule got broken.
And so it seems only logical that
Once it became "about love",
all words left me
after such a blatant act of betrayal.

Can't blame them, I would've left myself if I could.

It is strange to move unburdened.
Feet so light that
with each step they shoot high up to the sky,
Threatening to kick the teeth out,
or rip my thighs' tendons,
Restraint so foreign to them.

Quite curious my hands feel
released from the duty of holding me together.
Consumed by bittersweet emptiness
As they confusedly try to grasp
something, anything to hold onto or
at least the meaning of what "freedom" actually is.

So please be patient
as I stumble around in this awkward body.
You see, the me this free wasn't here for growing up
So I'm just beginning learning how to
align feeling with being
All Right

Tough, tomboy, badass.
Is that all the names you could pass?
Never knowing what I could be,
Never showing the real me.

Wanna know me?
The girl you know, so carefree?
So far from what you see,
As what I foresee.

Came from a broken family,
Full of hatred and agony.
Raised in a sad household,
So far from where I currently abode.

Crushing deep inside,
All sadness I’ve denied.
So why act so falsified?
If I could easily hide?

So here I am
Sitting against a counter
Desiring you in every way

I can't do anything but dream and hope
About you and us
For the rest of however I feel for you

You make me and my life make sense
In every way
You give me a purpose

And I know I shouldn't base my purpose
Off another soul
But why deny the truth?

We're coming to our end
It was inevitable
A simple sunset

It's not as painful this time
Perhaps I'm numb to the feeling
To the lies and secrets
Although you aren't the bad guy

And neither am I

The truth used to lie in songs:

Breakeven, I'm falling to pieces..

You're no longer the best part of me

Someone Like You

Is no longer something I wish to find

Say You Love Me

Don't say it, because I don't know if I can believe it

Say Something

Even if you beg me to stay, I'm leaving for myself

These songs used to carry
The truth in every word sung
But now they don't apply
I do but don't know why

Some songs-
They still mean what they always did:

Heartbreak.

Let me dream of love;
Let me dream of love tonight.
Sometimes fantasy can be
Greater than reality.

Let me dream of love tonight.
Let me hold a body tight.
Let me gaze into some eyes
That are kind and beautiful and wise.

Let me dream of love tonight,
Though it may not be real,
No matter how it may feel.
It will not be mistaken for a lie.

Every I try walking away from what we have, your voice pulls me in closer
& I can never tell you how I feel without staying sober
Keep telling myself that I’m no good for you but I’m hopeless when my feelings take over
causing me to always lose my composure

I can’t have you, you can’t have me yet I’ve fallen in love with you
just by the ways you’re always there for me & make me feel like I’m right next to you
I know you hate it when I let someone else in my life to love me when you’re here
but you’re not here so I attempt self harm to avoid those tears

You’re like my Guardian Angel that came outta nowhere to love me dearly
but I don’t deserve your love & I mean this sincerely
Your voice sends chills thru me, your love makes me feel like I’m lost within the mind
that makes me never want to wake up to live within the times
I don’t want you to save me cause I’ll eventually break you down with your every attempt
which mainly proves that it’s my heart that you’re trying to protect
So when my butterflies cry, it’s just the feeling in my stomach that make me love you
more than I did the last time we spoke & my last dying wish is see you one last time to hold you

Poetic Venom

HOW QWERTY CAN ONE GET?

tactactac - tack!
goes one letter after

an other each
tactactac - tack

becoming a clickety
clackety word.

The typewriter
spits out sound

and sometimes sense
each line ending in the clack

of the returning carriage
the ping of its bell

the poem snatched
from the machine's jaws

snatched from the nothing
from whence it came.

The page wearing its new words
like some glorious clothes

that changed
the whole character

of what could be
said.