the first
innocent to the core, a
stolen love through
the words
of my brothers

the second
long after had only loved
for an exact amount,
none left to give
after a deadline was met

the third
a stupid drunken night
resulted in a quick
disgrace
of my decisions

the fourth
stuck needles where he
shouldn't have, a
heavy river spilling
on the rocks
and ghostly waters

the rest had no love to give
only advice to spare, a
game lost, a game
won,
all in the same vein

sure I'd *******
if you want to
but conditions apply
there's a list of reasons why
you may deny my acceptance

1. turn off the lights
I feel safer under the shelter
of a night sky illusion
where your hands are guides
to the lines of my body
and you're too distracted to draw conclusions
about the fact that i gained ten pounds
it sounds like I want to hide from you
but in truth it's not you
it's the curves of my stomach
the stretch marks on my legs
only the light can reveal my disfigured shape

2. don't leave hickey's on my neck
my skin is a blank canvas
yet to be burdened with bruises
so there are no excuses
for leaving them where eyes roam
you don't have to be gentle
I don't mind coming home
and seeing your art work
but I don't want to have to explain
it will **** the beauty
when everyone can see
what somebody else could do to me

3. don't make promises you won't keep
don't decide to hold me
and tell me you love me
I accept your arms around my shoulders
I will not listen to your words
murmurs of nothing mean nothing to me
and I find it hard to believe
another girl won't fill the space
in the bed I'd once been
if it isn't forever
then let's not pretend
i'd much rather love you
and say you're a friend

4. play records in the back
I don't want to hear silence
or the sound of our movement
anything but nothing
would be an improvement
the whine of a vocalist hitting my ears
is the only thing that may keep me sane
I can never think straight
this strain on my brain can only be tamed
by the gentle noise
of Arabella in my head
If I can only hear your labored breaths
i will never feel relaxed
when I'm in your bed

5. don't do it again
I know the game
I'm willing to play
but I will not succumb twice
my heart may break the next day
when I realize your phone call
got lost in the mail
so I have to cut ties
because I'm not dumb
I mean nothing more
than any girl you had before
you see I do not pretend
that you love me
I know that tomorrow is the end
so do not ask me to come back
because I will
don't attack my heart with hope
when none remains

agree and i'll *******
if you still desire
true it seems strange
what I ask is required
I don't think it's too needy
just five simple tasks
but if it's too much
forget that I asked

I suppose I can say
          that this is the end,
and that was the start,
          and I can't pretend
to be who you thought
          that I should have been.
                                   As to what you expected;
                                   we're not even friends.
I guess we were both kinda wrong in the end.

Some people like to think outside the box
Others
They like to remain within its walls
Choosing the security and the safty over adaptation and risk

Those who think outside of the box are creative and intelligent people who can get things done. They exploit weaknesses in problems and find smart means of resolving them.

Whilst the residents within the box tend to frown upon change. They can't problem solve efficiently, nor can they see a simple means of solution.

Me..?

Im too blind to see the box, my hand over my eyes stumbling about. The only proof I have of a box is others telling me its there. I dont know where one wall ends and another starts, four walls boxing me in... this I know for sure. I'm confined in this mental prison, unable to think outside for a radical solution and too insecure and blind to find a safe means through.

So whilst some like to think outside the box,  others like to remain inside.
I simply dont know where this box is to find out...

Security is elusive
Its impossible because in the end we all die
we all get old, all of us
we all get sick and people leave us
people changes us but that's because
nothing in life is secure
maybe except death