I hate that feeling.
           that feeling when you're sad,
But you have no idea why.
           You feel so **** void,
but nothing has happened.
           They ask you what is wrong,
but you can not explain.
           Or they did not ask anything,
I do not know what is worse.
           It just feels like I miss someone,
someone I never met.
           I need someone who does not need me.
Loneliness hovers over me,
           takes control of me.
I do not even care.
           I extricate itself from the goals.
Sadness for now is my best and only friend.
           I begin to hate myself and
I want everyone to leave me alone.
          At the same time,
I want someone to hug me and
          told me that everything will be okay.

**I just hate that feeling.
That feeling,
when you do not even know what the hell you feel.

It can only be stitched together
          with understanding
   The holes filled
               with trust
        And the missing pieces replaced
                    with love
            
             But a Broken Heart will always
                         remain *broken

That I'm cute
Beautiful
Pretty

And I tell them that
It's okay that I'm not
Because I know I'm not
But I don't like being lied to

I know I'm not
Because I can't let tears
Drip down my cheeks
As they shimmer in the dim light
Of the movie credits

I sob until
My face is red and damp and puffy
And I'm clinging to your sleeve
And just crying so uncontrollably
That people sitting next to us
In the dark theater
Might glimpse over to see if maybe
I have a reason to cry so hard.

Does shehave cancer?
Is she missing a leg?
Did her crack-addict mother die when she was an infant?
Why is this bratty straight white blonde girl crying while watching Selma/Dallas Buyer's Club/The Help?

I have to brush my hair
Instantly
When I get out of the pool
In the summer
(Hopping from foot to foot of course
Because the sun has baked the concrete)
Because if I don't
It becomes a half-curly knotted mess.

And if I don't braid it directly after that
Then it dries
In resemblance to a Yield Sign
In a somewhat triangular form

And I'm chubby.
Not fat. It would be better if I were fat.
If I were fat then things would be
Proportionalish
But instead I'm just
A 5'2 and 3/4" girl
With DDs that no one wants
Because "***** don't count when you're chubby"
And baby fat that lounges on my stomach
No matter how many kilometers I row.

My fingers are too small for my hands.
My glasses make my eyes look huge.
My lips are forever chapped.
My cheeks are overly red.
My eyes are too dark to be pretty
And I know it.
I know all of it.

I've lived in my body for longer than you have.
So don't lie to me.
Don't tell me that I'm cute
Beautiful
Or god forbid pretty
Because I really
Really
Hate being lied to.

It seems I am in love
with ideas, notions,
and places I have never been.

I am in love with the idea
of forever,
of waking up beside
the one I love
everyday, until we both
cease to be.

I am in love with the notion
that there is someone
perfect for everyone,
that someday I wont
be all alone.

I am in love with the idea
of complete happiness
of being satisfied with
exactly what life hands me.

I am in love with places
that I have never been
places that I may never
get to go.
I am in love with
skylines I may never see.

I am in love with the idea
of love itself.
The notion that one can
accept someone
exactly as they are
and run away with their heart
to places neither
have ever been.