the tricky thing
about growing up
is it’s a choice

puberty happens
because of nature

adulthood is a conscious effort.

should I be surprised
surprised by other's behavior
when mine is not better?

should I be overwhelmed
overwhelmed of other's attempt of being fake
when I'm not even better

& once I thought
people were pure & good creatures
oh, how I was wrong

& maybe i was the lost
little girl
with high expectations
way too many goals
that could not even be completed
& maybe i was the lost
little girl
who fell for the wrong guys
for the guys who clearly were
under my standard
only because of my insecurity
& maybe i was the lost
little girl
that kept herself busy
as long as everyone was happy
& every night
she would find herself
crying herself to sleep
while
cutting her wrist
at the same spot
over & over again
because at the end of the day
she knew
no one was really down for her
as she thought

Oh my Lord,
remove the toxic individuals
the ones that are harmed for good
remove the ones who won't do me any good

even when it was so simple
to say
But never did the consequence
occur to me
the consequence of
losing you
& I'm not quite sure
if I should be sad about it
or relieved that I'm in good hands
& Allah (swt) will find the one that fits me perfectly