In last night’s episode, a feeling washed over me
Lonely and alone, I broke down
And within those few moments of emotional inertia
I wept for everything and everyone;
For Prince and Bowie and all the others
For the planet
For my loved ones
and all of their problems I can’t solve
But not for myself, I wouldn’t allow it
I deny myself everything I need;
A person to love and be loved by
A shoulder to cry on
Permission to be weak
Help when it’s needed
A part of me died
and I reflected on how trivial it is
always making things difficult for yourself
Questioned why my life is so hard
As if it’s all some joke everyone is in on
They’re laughing and rooting against me
while I fall back down each time I get back up
Does anyone understand what it’s like in my shoes?
How can they when I don’t let anyone in?
Hell, I don’t even understand my own weary soul
So star crossed and aimless
and pulled in every direction
Searching….searching….unable to find solace
Looking for home in people and places and things
Put a noose around my heart,
hung it for all to see
There is no love for one so smart and strong
There is no place for one so resistant to belong
There is no hope, or so it seems
Impatiently waiting for someone to prove me wrong
To cut these ties
To free me from myself
To make me feel alive
Because **** it, I’m just like a beautiful flower
I thrive in the right environment
I will flourish and bloom
and grow into the best version of myself
Stable, no insecurity
My fruits will nurture you in return
I will love you like you’ve never been loved before
Baby, the brightest diamonds and pearls are made over time
The future’s gonna be good to me
Chin up, buttercup -
with death comes new life