We both hated each other,
I annoyed you,
You irked me.

A few months later

We became best friends,
I made you laugh,
you challenged me.

A few months later

We fell for each other,
I'd sneak glances at you,
You made me happy.

A few months later

We held hands,
I fell harder for you,
You may have for me too.

A Year Later

We grew up,
I changed,
You didn't like it.

you told me you love me but
your eyes never shown interest,
your lips cracked as if it's
telling a broken promise.
you told me you cared for me,
but your body sways for her;
your brain works for her.
tell me everything you need,
but let your body lie for you.

it's been nine summers since we left last off,
i never wanted to associate anguish with your face
but it hits me that there are certain things
i can never forget,
i cannot forget,
i will not forget,
that you made me,
shaped me in your delicate hands,
wove me under a spell that i have yet to
get out of--
you know you gave my childhood magic.
we lived in a kingdom of treehouse stories
and secret handshakes, our domain behind
white picket fences. we left our child selves
in your yard, remember?
i picked up the pieces of half
drowned memories, and put them by your bedside,
in case you thought to look and perhaps it was presumptuous of me to say you felt the same way
when i am the only one who is overdosed on nostalgia.

i'm sorry.
i am homesick for the arms i am not privileged to
be held with, homesick for the stairs that
creaked in your house, homesick
for a love i never deserved but always wanted.
i'm the old pick up truck your father threw away,
the ramshackle closet that got replaced,
the old curtains, oh god, oh, but this
is not about me,
this is about us.

we both agreed that we always hated the small town life
and planned to run away
but why is it now that i'm still holding onto spider webs
and your packed suitcase has flown you across the globe?
is it sad to say that in my dreams
we're still waiting in an empty parking lot,
and your head resting on my shoulder, the lights on the pavement,
it's already over, it already passed and the cars aren't there,
and the moment is gone.

maybe it's not the saddest thing in the world
to lose your best friend when the love
was never meant to be,
and maybe it's not the saddest thing to love
someone who will never love you as a lover,
maybe it's not the saddest thing to lose
someone who promised forever, even
if forever was only until we parted ways,
maybe it's not the saddest thing to lose
the first true friend you ever had,
maybe it's not the saddest thing to
never be able to walk up your front porch and have you come running
out to see me of all people,
but
it is the most painful happiness to see your smile
and knowing that i am not the reason.

She came to you quietly
A whisper you could barely hear
Hurts from the past
Stuck her on melancholy
Sadness between her eyes
Blur all the lines

In disguise of a beauty,
is an everlasting mystery
She is just a broken soul
Added to your diary

Soon she will be the past
Soon she will be forgotten
History of a beautiful ecstasy
My love poetry.

Oh I must say
I was so very bold today,
when your mouth lingered longer
and I let it stay,
tasting you in and out
without more than a single thought,
if you're the kidnapper,
I must say,
I'm glad i was caught.

I'm a kid at the candy store,
let me eat you out
until you're the only thing
I can taste in my mouth,

Oh I must say,
I was crumbling today,
now you tell me
you don't know if
you can stay?
Oh it feels like
you're gone already,
And I've got sorrow
that's too heavy to carry.

If the rain is falling
And you're stuck outside
Just know my arms will be a
Safe place to hide